If Some Could Tell!
If we were learned to tell! A Non-Fiction in 220 words112 total reviews
Comment from SteveY
Well you've spoken the truth here in this one. And the truly wise person usually speaks much less often or not at all, unless what he can say is actually helpful.
  |
Well you've spoken the truth here in this one. And the truly wise person usually speaks much less often or not at all, unless what he can say is actually helpful.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
Comment from cinderbella
I truly appreciate the message, but I do find it a bit rambling, with some errors.
Example of rambling: The end paragraph is over six lines, and yet it is just one sentence. It would be more understandable and smoother to read if it were broken into several properly constructed sentences.
Errors: 2nd paragraph: "A true wise person tells what true, absolute, necessary, is needed...."
Should it not be "A true wise person tells 'what's' true.." or "what is true"
You have in that same sentence "necessary, is needed..."
both mean the same thing. "is needed" does not fit smoothly with the other words and I would simply eliminate it.
I am giving you five stars for the message, and the effort. :) Sandra
|
I truly appreciate the message, but I do find it a bit rambling, with some errors.
Example of rambling: The end paragraph is over six lines, and yet it is just one sentence. It would be more understandable and smoother to read if it were broken into several properly constructed sentences.
Errors: 2nd paragraph: "A true wise person tells what true, absolute, necessary, is needed...."
Should it not be "A true wise person tells 'what's' true.." or "what is true"
You have in that same sentence "necessary, is needed..."
both mean the same thing. "is needed" does not fit smoothly with the other words and I would simply eliminate it.
I am giving you five stars for the message, and the effort. :) Sandra
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
Comment from NicciFaye
This write has a lot of truths that are easily agreeable with what you've written. I can say that it was very hard to
Read in some areas.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
 |
This write has a lot of truths that are easily agreeable with what you've written. I can say that it was very hard to
Read in some areas.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
-
Thanks for your rating and comments
Comment from Norbanus
Sometimes it is said the 'less is more' You have laid out the rational for that idea in a way that shows the spiritual connection to that piece of wisdom.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
|
Sometimes it is said the 'less is more' You have laid out the rational for that idea in a way that shows the spiritual connection to that piece of wisdom.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from mfowler
Ive always been like that. Slip of the tongue for the company I'm among. You have described this very clearly, analysed the whys and the wherefors, and given a lesson in wisdom as well. Good message.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
|
Ive always been like that. Slip of the tongue for the company I'm among. You have described this very clearly, analysed the whys and the wherefors, and given a lesson in wisdom as well. Good message.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
-
Excellent comments, thank you very much.
Comment from Mteske
Your organization makes it easy to follow and read. You also have great word choice-please, fruition, satisfaction etc. Also, your repetition of "self" and "any" adds on to the story.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
|
Your organization makes it easy to follow and read. You also have great word choice-please, fruition, satisfaction etc. Also, your repetition of "self" and "any" adds on to the story.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
-
I truly appreciate your comments, thank you.
Comment from Chikara
"In general, though man commits mistakes and blunders by telling about anyone at any age, period, of or on present or today, of or about the past, the future for any action, inaction by man any time, anywhere, anyway or anyhow as he likes or wishes."
I'm not sure why you have "In general, though..." You've set up a following point, but the sentence doesn't draw any conclusion the word "though" sets up. Perhaps a mistake? I think you could do without that word and its preceding comma. Or is it to tie to the next portion of your piece? If so, nevermind.
Your words here are sharp and your tone is strong. With authority you challenge the mindset of fools and reveal what true wisdom is.
Thank you for sharing, and here is a six for your effort.
(Edited my review because it had some errors.)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
 |
"In general, though man commits mistakes and blunders by telling about anyone at any age, period, of or on present or today, of or about the past, the future for any action, inaction by man any time, anywhere, anyway or anyhow as he likes or wishes."
I'm not sure why you have "In general, though..." You've set up a following point, but the sentence doesn't draw any conclusion the word "though" sets up. Perhaps a mistake? I think you could do without that word and its preceding comma. Or is it to tie to the next portion of your piece? If so, nevermind.
Your words here are sharp and your tone is strong. With authority you challenge the mindset of fools and reveal what true wisdom is.
Thank you for sharing, and here is a six for your effort.
(Edited my review because it had some errors.)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
-
Superb, exceptional and truly helpful, I changed accordingly, thank you very much for the comments with fabulous six star rating.
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Interesting? an unusual writing. Hum . . . sounds like the unwise, fits most politicians, personel gain and self greed. Educational, the more I read it, the more I understand it and like it. Well written, no negatives, although I feel I'm missing something? Perhaps, a hidden message? Good luck with fanstory, wackydo
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
|
Interesting? an unusual writing. Hum . . . sounds like the unwise, fits most politicians, personel gain and self greed. Educational, the more I read it, the more I understand it and like it. Well written, no negatives, although I feel I'm missing something? Perhaps, a hidden message? Good luck with fanstory, wackydo
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
-
Fantastic, truly spoken and rightly pointed out, I appreciate your words, thank you.
Comment from Charlene0513
Pure gratification comes when you see your deeds come to fruition. Any unwise comments or decisions in life always have consequences. So judgements should be kept to a minimum.
Charlene
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
|
Pure gratification comes when you see your deeds come to fruition. Any unwise comments or decisions in life always have consequences. So judgements should be kept to a minimum.
Charlene
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
-
Truly said, thank you very much for your comments.
Comment from allborn66
OK - I'm going to be honest. I was too wordy for my taste. I got bogged down in all the synonyms, and was looking for the synopsis.
I think the piece needs your theme written out clearly at the end so even the fool(me in most cases) will have no excuse for not knowing what you mean.
Barbara
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
|
OK - I'm going to be honest. I was too wordy for my taste. I got bogged down in all the synonyms, and was looking for the synopsis.
I think the piece needs your theme written out clearly at the end so even the fool(me in most cases) will have no excuse for not knowing what you mean.
Barbara
Comment Written 19-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2013
-
Thank you. I have edited it.