that tarnished ring
a short poem.4 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Succinct and strong. This line has a powerful internal rhyme: That tightning ring, like broken wings
I would spell tightening with an apostrophe for your meter: tight'ning
and that's all to improve on! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Succinct and strong. This line has a powerful internal rhyme: That tightning ring, like broken wings
I would spell tightening with an apostrophe for your meter: tight'ning
and that's all to improve on! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thanks for your review and suggestion, I agree with the correction. I think marriage might be obsolete these days judging by the divorce rate.
It always worried me to say vows in church, to always stay with one person, even though people and circumstances change. Cheers, judester
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
Wow. Whether you believe in marriage or not, this is such a powerful poem. I love the way you've worded this. The idea of that lost love that sends you plummeting back to earth. I've been there and know exactly what you mean. It's a horrible feeling. And I also agree that those vows should mean something. Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Dear Mystery Writer,
Wow. Whether you believe in marriage or not, this is such a powerful poem. I love the way you've worded this. The idea of that lost love that sends you plummeting back to earth. I've been there and know exactly what you mean. It's a horrible feeling. And I also agree that those vows should mean something. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the honest review Robyn. I think marriage is obsolete. People change and circumstances change, yet one is bound to one person with vows. Just look at the divorce rate.
And what if you suddenly find your true, passionate love of your life?
Hmm, that ring is tight as a noose. Ha ha
cheers.
ps I have been with Mike for over 24 years happy without that ring.
Comment from LisaMay
Oh dear - it sounds like the marriage bed has been defiled - the beloved has strayed, wanting more freedom and not honoring the vow made. The wedding band symbolizes that promise, but it has been tossed aside, tarnished and cold like the marriage itself.
Your last stanza is a very powerful image.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Oh dear - it sounds like the marriage bed has been defiled - the beloved has strayed, wanting more freedom and not honoring the vow made. The wedding band symbolizes that promise, but it has been tossed aside, tarnished and cold like the marriage itself.
Your last stanza is a very powerful image.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thanks for the insightful review. It must also mean that communication has broken down, sigh.
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Yes, that is a sad fact - when we stop communicating openly, the gaps open.
Comment from Darlene Franklin
that tightening ring - great line, because it both reflects a physical truth (when rings need to be resized) but also metaphorically - when that ring feels restrictive instead of binding. And when that happens, it's too easy for wings to break and shatter that love as it falls.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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that tightening ring - great line, because it both reflects a physical truth (when rings need to be resized) but also metaphorically - when that ring feels restrictive instead of binding. And when that happens, it's too easy for wings to break and shatter that love as it falls.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Exactly. Thanks for the insightful review...restrictive instead of binding is so very precise. Cheers.