Prairie Dogs
This is a children's story about prairie dogs.16 total reviews
Comment from Liberty Justice
Great story! Five stars. l love stories about Old West. This story tell an out adventures of old west in wagon train a and Jake and others how they struggle through wilderness WELL DONE! liberty justice
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Great story! Five stars. l love stories about Old West. This story tell an out adventures of old west in wagon train a and Jake and others how they struggle through wilderness WELL DONE! liberty justice
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you for such a complimentary review.
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Great knowing you.
Good bye dear friend!
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Good bye dear friend!
I loved writing to you! liberty
justice
Comment from damommy
What a wonderful story for any age. I think children will love this. I know I did. Even though I already knew a lot about prairie dogs, it was still very interesting.
This is so well written and also informative. It will be a learning story without seeming like it. (Did that make sense?) 8-)
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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What a wonderful story for any age. I think children will love this. I know I did. Even though I already knew a lot about prairie dogs, it was still very interesting.
This is so well written and also informative. It will be a learning story without seeming like it. (Did that make sense?) 8-)
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you for your enthusiasm.
Comment from country ranch writer
THIS IS A NICE LITTLE STORY FOR THE KIDS TO RELATE TO AND ENJOY. SOMETHING FOR THEM TO LOOK FOR ON THEIR JOURNEY ACROSST THE PRARRIE.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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THIS IS A NICE LITTLE STORY FOR THE KIDS TO RELATE TO AND ENJOY. SOMETHING FOR THEM TO LOOK FOR ON THEIR JOURNEY ACROSST THE PRARRIE.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
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Thank you for your upper case comments. That gives them emphasis and thank you for the six stars.
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s m I l e s
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s m I l e s
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not hollering eyes just hurt
Comment from Zue65
Thanks for the valuable information about the prairie dogs or the squirrels. This post, presented factual data on squirrels in a very interesting way. It did not sound like a boring lecture but the technique made a rather serious topic on describing squirrels as exciting and interesting for Adam and Luke. Thanks for sharing this interesting write.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the valuable information about the prairie dogs or the squirrels. This post, presented factual data on squirrels in a very interesting way. It did not sound like a boring lecture but the technique made a rather serious topic on describing squirrels as exciting and interesting for Adam and Luke. Thanks for sharing this interesting write.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2016
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Thank you for the complimentary words.
Comment from chiversmisha
*Wonderful I thought it was just very well told and brought back memories of other times. The only thing I saw was the use of the word "demanded" a bit close together toward the end of the passage when the boys were wanting to hear or understand more from Jake. Overall just lovely.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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*Wonderful I thought it was just very well told and brought back memories of other times. The only thing I saw was the use of the word "demanded" a bit close together toward the end of the passage when the boys were wanting to hear or understand more from Jake. Overall just lovely.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
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Thank you for the positive review and I'll look again at the word demanded.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You did a very good job with this competition prompt. A good, fun and informative story using the old gathered round a campfire to good effect.
We only see the tops / When they get hungry / When the young prairie dogs - the start of all of these paragraphs should have opening speech marks as they are new paragraphs in the same speech. You don't need corresponding closing ones until the end though of the dialogue though. I know this is a kids' story but it is important to make such the conventions are applied so it stands children in good stead themselves. Same for the section later on as well.
I also don't think you need to keep repeating 'prairie dogs' over and over. If it was an adult story you would shy away from using names in this manner so the same conventions apply.
"That's like us moving West. Isn't it?" - this could just be the one sentence with a comma rather than a full stop / period.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Hi there,
You did a very good job with this competition prompt. A good, fun and informative story using the old gathered round a campfire to good effect.
We only see the tops / When they get hungry / When the young prairie dogs - the start of all of these paragraphs should have opening speech marks as they are new paragraphs in the same speech. You don't need corresponding closing ones until the end though of the dialogue though. I know this is a kids' story but it is important to make such the conventions are applied so it stands children in good stead themselves. Same for the section later on as well.
I also don't think you need to keep repeating 'prairie dogs' over and over. If it was an adult story you would shy away from using names in this manner so the same conventions apply.
"That's like us moving West. Isn't it?" - this could just be the one sentence with a comma rather than a full stop / period.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Thank you for the extensive review and suggestions. I'll look again at the text.
Comment from Unspoken94
A wonderful children's story and I found no errors.
Very well written and it's a story I want to read to
my granddaughter before she goes to bed. All the
best in the contest. -Bill
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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A wonderful children's story and I found no errors.
Very well written and it's a story I want to read to
my granddaughter before she goes to bed. All the
best in the contest. -Bill
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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Thank you for the encouragement. Let me know if it passes the child test.
Comment from jpduck
I thought this was an excellent piece of writing for children -- particularly as you didn't 'talk down' to them. That is something I have seen sadly often in 'children's writing' on FS.
I spotted just one typo. (* * indicates suggested insertions):
'The main tunnel into the b*u*rrow goes down on a steep slant'
Adrian
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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I thought this was an excellent piece of writing for children -- particularly as you didn't 'talk down' to them. That is something I have seen sadly often in 'children's writing' on FS.
I spotted just one typo. (* * indicates suggested insertions):
'The main tunnel into the b*u*rrow goes down on a steep slant'
Adrian
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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Thank you for your observant review and for mentioning the tone of the story.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Mary. very well done, children's story here. I knd of think it's great for adults, too.
Very good imagery throughout, like here: "Jake sat on the other side of the fire and shadows from the flames made his old, worn face even uglier. He always looked grumpy, but he wasn't, and when he smiled his face went from ugly to pleasant. It would never be handsome."
And here: "As they dig their burrows they bring soil up to the surface where it breaks down into food for plants. The tunnels they dig help bring air underground to all the small living things burried deep in the earth. Prairie dogs help the soil so the grass keeps growing on the prairie."
All very easily understood because of the good writing, Mary.
Bravo!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Hi, Mary. very well done, children's story here. I knd of think it's great for adults, too.
Very good imagery throughout, like here: "Jake sat on the other side of the fire and shadows from the flames made his old, worn face even uglier. He always looked grumpy, but he wasn't, and when he smiled his face went from ugly to pleasant. It would never be handsome."
And here: "As they dig their burrows they bring soil up to the surface where it breaks down into food for plants. The tunnels they dig help bring air underground to all the small living things burried deep in the earth. Prairie dogs help the soil so the grass keeps growing on the prairie."
All very easily understood because of the good writing, Mary.
Bravo!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
As always I appreciate your comments and insights.
Comment from MTF1955
Lovely story. I loved the flow of your story. It held my interest all the way till the end. I could see the scene so perfectly in my head. Great job. Maruy
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Lovely story. I loved the flow of your story. It held my interest all the way till the end. I could see the scene so perfectly in my head. Great job. Maruy
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Thank you for the positive information.