To Cherish Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Butterfly's Lament"Free Verse Poetry
18 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
wow... A galaxy of stars for this one, Mikey... this just ensnares my soul when I read it... I can SEE the man behind the curtain! Wow.
Then a speck of light lit my heart
and hope sprung forth and strength anew
In little time I'd broken free
with but one thing to do
The sky was far away
from every hell that I had known
I leapt into the air and soon
touched all my eyes had shown
(this is so lovely in its haunting, loneliness...)
So no I won't be coming close
though clearly it's your wish
I know your longing for me
is a poison-bearing dish.
The sad part of my freedom
is
beauty's
loneliness
even as all stare
(I have so much to say to those words... and yet, I try to remember... it's a poem, Cat... it's a poem) lol
You see only colors
nothing more
You'd gladly once again entomb me
for you don't truly care
Perhaps you'll think about
my soul's lament
and where I came from
you'll recall
As for me I'll carry on
still entombed in my cocoon
although you see no boundaries
nor perceive the sky a wall
(this reminds me a bit of Jonathan Livingston Seagull... wanting to fly higher and fall faster, and soar more lovely and be more free than anyone else... and yet... was limited by his own wings.)
Well done... if only I had that galaxy to give.
This is so beautiful...
On to the next chapter in your free verse book. ;)
Cat
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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wow... A galaxy of stars for this one, Mikey... this just ensnares my soul when I read it... I can SEE the man behind the curtain! Wow.
Then a speck of light lit my heart
and hope sprung forth and strength anew
In little time I'd broken free
with but one thing to do
The sky was far away
from every hell that I had known
I leapt into the air and soon
touched all my eyes had shown
(this is so lovely in its haunting, loneliness...)
So no I won't be coming close
though clearly it's your wish
I know your longing for me
is a poison-bearing dish.
The sad part of my freedom
is
beauty's
loneliness
even as all stare
(I have so much to say to those words... and yet, I try to remember... it's a poem, Cat... it's a poem) lol
You see only colors
nothing more
You'd gladly once again entomb me
for you don't truly care
Perhaps you'll think about
my soul's lament
and where I came from
you'll recall
As for me I'll carry on
still entombed in my cocoon
although you see no boundaries
nor perceive the sky a wall
(this reminds me a bit of Jonathan Livingston Seagull... wanting to fly higher and fall faster, and soar more lovely and be more free than anyone else... and yet... was limited by his own wings.)
Well done... if only I had that galaxy to give.
This is so beautiful...
On to the next chapter in your free verse book. ;)
Cat
Comment Written 20-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
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What an amazing and unexpected review. I'm so delighted you like this one, it's one of my favorites and you are in tune with everything I'm trying to say. I can't begin to tell you how happy that makes me. I'm honored you find my little book worthy of reading. THank you so much. There are many galaxies in the universe of smiles you bring me. mikey
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well this makes me smile... I'm pretending some of these were written directly to me. ;) lol (I'm funny that way)
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Mike....
This is such a beautiful story of the butterfly evolving, as it parallels that of life and love.
You certainly have a way of storytelling. Excellent job--- should have won this one.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
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Hi, Mike....
This is such a beautiful story of the butterfly evolving, as it parallels that of life and love.
You certainly have a way of storytelling. Excellent job--- should have won this one.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
Comment from EmiShimi
Great Job On This Poem!! You Did Fantastic!! I saw that you entered it in a contest. I hope you had fun writing it. -EmiShimi
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Great Job On This Poem!! You Did Fantastic!! I saw that you entered it in a contest. I hope you had fun writing it. -EmiShimi
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
Comment from ravenblack
When I was a kid, one of my Aunts was taking entomology in college. She would catch and mount butterflies,a practice I always found to be grizzly. Some beauty is not meant to be touched or owned. When it is, it is no longer beautiful. Very unique take on the prompt.
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When I was a kid, one of my Aunts was taking entomology in college. She would catch and mount butterflies,a practice I always found to be grizzly. Some beauty is not meant to be touched or owned. When it is, it is no longer beautiful. Very unique take on the prompt.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
Comment from Charlene0513
To michaelcahill,
A strong and gloomy image you portray as the butterfly goes through the metamorphosis stage, at least for a day.
My wings like flags-a fitting simile
You have words both in the consonance and assonance way
Charlene
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To michaelcahill,
A strong and gloomy image you portray as the butterfly goes through the metamorphosis stage, at least for a day.
My wings like flags-a fitting simile
You have words both in the consonance and assonance way
Charlene
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
Comment from Tootsie55
Lovely mate. A precious piece for sure. Made me think of Korin the girl whom he loved and had such a sad history and ending herself, on Patch Adams with Robin Williams. Seemed he was thinking she had become the butterfly at the end of the movie. Such a sad but humorours in places. movie. And how apt for Ribin Williams to be the lead.
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Lovely mate. A precious piece for sure. Made me think of Korin the girl whom he loved and had such a sad history and ending herself, on Patch Adams with Robin Williams. Seemed he was thinking she had become the butterfly at the end of the movie. Such a sad but humorours in places. movie. And how apt for Ribin Williams to be the lead.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
Comment from Zinnia48
This poem is striking in so many ways. It is moving to consider how a butterfly might feel before emerging--and yours is quite philosophical. My only gentle observation is that whole first verse obtuse and complicated. Could you simplify it a bit--especially lines 2 and 3. I know I'm being exceedingly bold, but this is what helps me understand the story you're setting up:
Yes I see eyes that stare and know
I too see desire and inner fire
Within a need that pleads....
thanks for letting me be part of your process! Caroline
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This poem is striking in so many ways. It is moving to consider how a butterfly might feel before emerging--and yours is quite philosophical. My only gentle observation is that whole first verse obtuse and complicated. Could you simplify it a bit--especially lines 2 and 3. I know I'm being exceedingly bold, but this is what helps me understand the story you're setting up:
Yes I see eyes that stare and know
I too see desire and inner fire
Within a need that pleads....
thanks for letting me be part of your process! Caroline
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
Comment from l.raven
Hi Michael, this is just beautiful...I love the way it could be for humans too...this one just pulls you in as you read it...wanting more...one of your best...very well written...and your pictures speak for themselves...Luff Linda xxoo good luck in the contest...
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Hi Michael, this is just beautiful...I love the way it could be for humans too...this one just pulls you in as you read it...wanting more...one of your best...very well written...and your pictures speak for themselves...Luff Linda xxoo good luck in the contest...
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
Comment from amahra
This is a good free style poem. Great entry for the contest. Very nice art work from beginning to the end of the metamorphosis.
My wings like flags
unfurled upon your wall as if it's
you
who's all the focus
imagining a world where you enthrall
the guests who merely marvel at your prize[really liked this stanza.]
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This is a good free style poem. Great entry for the contest. Very nice art work from beginning to the end of the metamorphosis.
My wings like flags
unfurled upon your wall as if it's
you
who's all the focus
imagining a world where you enthrall
the guests who merely marvel at your prize[really liked this stanza.]
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
Comment from pattipac
You have penned a poignant poem here, my friend, about the yearning of a capsulized butterfly to be set free from its dark cocoon. Comparing it to a person whose ego has lost its fame, who is seeking to use the butterfly to shine through the void that lies within.
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You have penned a poignant poem here, my friend, about the yearning of a capsulized butterfly to be set free from its dark cocoon. Comparing it to a person whose ego has lost its fame, who is seeking to use the butterfly to shine through the void that lies within.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015