Waiting for Daddy
thoughts of an alcoholic's child17 total reviews
Comment from Oatmeal
Connie C,
You did a wonderful job with the challenge that was presented to you. The theme was VERY sad. Your flow was nice. The rhyming well done.
There was no SPAG. No room for improvement.
I wish you the best in the contest.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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Connie C,
You did a wonderful job with the challenge that was presented to you. The theme was VERY sad. Your flow was nice. The rhyming well done.
There was no SPAG. No room for improvement.
I wish you the best in the contest.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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Thank you for your wonderful feedback. I did not win the contest, but that's okay. There were lots of good entries, and it's fun just being creative. My very best to you, Oatmeal. Connie C
Comment from skye
The burdens placed on a child because of alcohol is horrific.
Your poem is well constructed, with strong emotions, wonderful imagery, and layers of truth.
Well done.
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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The burdens placed on a child because of alcohol is horrific.
Your poem is well constructed, with strong emotions, wonderful imagery, and layers of truth.
Well done.
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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Thank you so much, skye. Connie
Comment from adewpearl
Your quatrain poem has a steady cadence and strong abcb rhymes
and tells a most poignant story that is, sadly, too true in many homes - telling it from the child's point of view brings home the message in a most compelling way. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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Your quatrain poem has a steady cadence and strong abcb rhymes
and tells a most poignant story that is, sadly, too true in many homes - telling it from the child's point of view brings home the message in a most compelling way. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
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Thank you, Brooke, for your review.
Comment from jlsavell
author, this is absolutely heartbreaking. Your poem screams emotion, for all to often this scene is repeated in millions of homes a night. The devastation to a child's psyche is enormous. This kind of situation wrecks havoc on families and society as a whole..well done...best wishes with the contest..jlsavell
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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author, this is absolutely heartbreaking. Your poem screams emotion, for all to often this scene is repeated in millions of homes a night. The devastation to a child's psyche is enormous. This kind of situation wrecks havoc on families and society as a whole..well done...best wishes with the contest..jlsavell
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you so much for your review. :)
Comment from jmdg1954
very nicely written with a even and smooth flow and perfect rhyme...
the story line was fantastic as they child awaits his Dad to come home, albeit in a drunken state. I like the fact that the poem did not lend itself to any abuse..
Nicely done... John
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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very nicely written with a even and smooth flow and perfect rhyme...
the story line was fantastic as they child awaits his Dad to come home, albeit in a drunken state. I like the fact that the poem did not lend itself to any abuse..
Nicely done... John
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you, John, for your positive comments.
Comment from findingmyroom
You portray so accurately the thought process of a child, especially when there's a family problem. The rhyme is good, though I would suggest putting something different in place of the repeated dad-sad combination, just so every line is fresh and unique.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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You portray so accurately the thought process of a child, especially when there's a family problem. The rhyme is good, though I would suggest putting something different in place of the repeated dad-sad combination, just so every line is fresh and unique.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review. Yes, I realized when I submitted this that I shouldn't have repeated the dad/sad rhyme, but it was getting late and my brain was just not coming up with an alternative. I do appreciate your pointing it out, too, because I think constructive criticism is important. So thank you!! :)
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Thank you for your review. Yes, I realized when I submitted this that I shouldn't have repeated the dad/sad rhyme, but it was getting late and my brain was just not coming up with an alternative. I do appreciate your pointing it out, too, because I think constructive criticism is important. So thank you!! :)
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Thank you for your review. Yes, I realized when I submitted this that I shouldn't have repeated the dad/sad rhyme, but it was getting late and my brain was just not coming up with an alternative. I do appreciate your pointing it out, too, because I think constructive criticism is important. So thank you!! :)
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Thank you for your review. Yes, I realized when I submitted this that I shouldn't have repeated the dad/sad rhyme, but it was getting late and my brain was just not coming up with an alternative. I do appreciate your pointing it out, too, because I think constructive criticism is important. So thank you!! :)
Comment from koyoga
This is indeed a sad poem. The reader feels the
child's deep concern for his mother and there is
a hint of underlying fear in what Daddy might do
when he does get home. Great writing!
Best of luck in the ocntest!
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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This is indeed a sad poem. The reader feels the
child's deep concern for his mother and there is
a hint of underlying fear in what Daddy might do
when he does get home. Great writing!
Best of luck in the ocntest!
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you so much!
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Thank you so much!
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Thank you so much!
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Thank you so much!
Comment from fairydancer
This is very sad, and a brilliant depiction of how a young child must feel in this situation - some of the thoughts you have expressed are very clever, in particular:
'When Daddy comes home drunk,
next day he's extra nice.' and:
'I'll never ever drink
when someday I am a dad.'
Very well written with good flow :)
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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This is very sad, and a brilliant depiction of how a young child must feel in this situation - some of the thoughts you have expressed are very clever, in particular:
'When Daddy comes home drunk,
next day he's extra nice.' and:
'I'll never ever drink
when someday I am a dad.'
Very well written with good flow :)
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you so much!
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Thank you so much!
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Thank you so much!
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Thank you so much!
Comment from wierdgrace
this is excellent, and so emotional, so sad, and a great poem for this contest, I truly like this for the contest, no errors and no revisions, thank you for sharing. and good luck, I ktruly hope you get many votes
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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this is excellent, and so emotional, so sad, and a great poem for this contest, I truly like this for the contest, no errors and no revisions, thank you for sharing. and good luck, I ktruly hope you get many votes
Comment Written 30-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2010
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Thank you! I hope I get many votes too, but I never count on it, especially in this contest when there are so many excellent entries.
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Thank you! I hope I get many votes too, but I never count on it, especially in this contest when there are so many excellent entries.
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Thank you! I hope I get many votes too, but I never count on it, especially in this contest when there are so many excellent entries.
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Thank you! I hope I get many votes too, but I never count on it, especially in this contest when there are so many excellent entries.
Comment from Carol Johnson
Very well written. You do a terrific job of showing this through the eyes of a child. It is emotional and real. The feelings on the surface. I like how you ended it. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Very well written. You do a terrific job of showing this through the eyes of a child. It is emotional and real. The feelings on the surface. I like how you ended it. Well done.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thank you so much. :)
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Thank you so much. :)