On the Altar of Self-Sacrifice
A Peripatetic Love Story35 total reviews
Comment from Zoe Webb
Congratulations on winning Short Story of the Month! You're present with your characters in a way I admire. This was a sad story and I really connected with Lena as a character. I also enjoyed the comments before the start of the story. You have a very cinematic imagination, and it shows!
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
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Congratulations on winning Short Story of the Month! You're present with your characters in a way I admire. This was a sad story and I really connected with Lena as a character. I also enjoyed the comments before the start of the story. You have a very cinematic imagination, and it shows!
Comment Written 09-May-2023
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
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Thank you, Zoe. I'm glad it resonated with you. Your six stars were over the top!
Jay
Comment from DeboraDyess
Jay, no commments or corrections. I just wanted to congratulate you on your win. How cool for you. :)
Be blessed and have a great rest-of-your-week,
Deb
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
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Jay, no commments or corrections. I just wanted to congratulate you on your win. How cool for you. :)
Be blessed and have a great rest-of-your-week,
Deb
Comment Written 09-May-2023
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
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Thank you so much, Deb! Your words mean a lot to me!
Jay
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 09-May-2023
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
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I am indeed honored to receive this vaunted 7th star.
Comment from Annmuma
Obviously a six star post! I wish there were a little more story, rather than less. I'm curious about the life in between the beginning. Still an outstanding read. Thanks for positing. ann
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Obviously a six star post! I wish there were a little more story, rather than less. I'm curious about the life in between the beginning. Still an outstanding read. Thanks for positing. ann
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Thank you, Ann. You sound like you side with the several who felt this should be expanded into a novel. I was just amazed that more people didn't suggest it should have been serialized. Your six stars for a piece that only yielded you 2 cents really warms my heart.
Jay
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Many times my '2 cents worth of comment' is worth about '2 cents'! lol
By the way, I received the book from Amazon. It is 5 complete chapters - which I have not yet read, but will ann
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Bless you, Ann! I honestly wasn't expecting to get any paperback sales from my freebie giveaway. But some of you did it anyway. Tell me, though, Were the chapter headings all wonky ... with part of the chapter number on the lefthand page and part on the right? They might have come out right on the paperback but wrong on the digital pages.
Jay
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The chapter headings are correct. ann
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Wonderful. Thank you for telling me that!
Jay
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
You were right to post this complete, no matter the length. You already know that I think you are a fantastic writer, but you could have easily been a Hollywood director. Move over Steven Spielberg. Move over John Huston. Dare I say it... move over Woody Allen.
I'm surprised that Lena married Robin. Without Maretta's interference, she might not have... a sister promising love to her brother's future bride? "Love will come. I promise you. Love will come ...." Lena was hesitant. And Robin lacked any self-confidence. He was so far from a Romeo. I think his mother must have helped him put his jeans on every morning.
I think the underlying factor in your love story is "honesty", or lack thereof. There seems to be a theme of contention in their marriage, and I wonder if Lena was ever truly happy. Something was lacking between the two, and I think it was honesty. Did she love Robin deep down? Did his death make her realize it? You can possibly dodge honesty for many years... even to your 50th wedding anniversary! But you can't dodge death. It will stare you down. All of Lena's struggling in the Ford pickup with Robin's limp body... that was a hell of a lot of honesty. I think she had to get out of that truck and let it bubble to the top, then let it sink into the sand.
I recall a movie about a husband and wife. I wish I could remember the name. He was a sailor, had a beautiful sailboat. They had issues. And I forget most of the movie. But at the end, she fell overboard. He knew he couldn't save her. They were in rough seas, a brutally huge and unforgiving ocean. He had to get real, very quickly. She was drowning. Did he dive in to her? He'd drown, too. The sailboat would slip away on both of them. Time to get real. Honesty looming. What to do? They were united. A tie without ropes or chains. They were invisible, but fearfully strong. And yes, he did dive in to catch her. They drowned together.
Awesome, Jay.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Hi Jay,
You were right to post this complete, no matter the length. You already know that I think you are a fantastic writer, but you could have easily been a Hollywood director. Move over Steven Spielberg. Move over John Huston. Dare I say it... move over Woody Allen.
I'm surprised that Lena married Robin. Without Maretta's interference, she might not have... a sister promising love to her brother's future bride? "Love will come. I promise you. Love will come ...." Lena was hesitant. And Robin lacked any self-confidence. He was so far from a Romeo. I think his mother must have helped him put his jeans on every morning.
I think the underlying factor in your love story is "honesty", or lack thereof. There seems to be a theme of contention in their marriage, and I wonder if Lena was ever truly happy. Something was lacking between the two, and I think it was honesty. Did she love Robin deep down? Did his death make her realize it? You can possibly dodge honesty for many years... even to your 50th wedding anniversary! But you can't dodge death. It will stare you down. All of Lena's struggling in the Ford pickup with Robin's limp body... that was a hell of a lot of honesty. I think she had to get out of that truck and let it bubble to the top, then let it sink into the sand.
I recall a movie about a husband and wife. I wish I could remember the name. He was a sailor, had a beautiful sailboat. They had issues. And I forget most of the movie. But at the end, she fell overboard. He knew he couldn't save her. They were in rough seas, a brutally huge and unforgiving ocean. He had to get real, very quickly. She was drowning. Did he dive in to her? He'd drown, too. The sailboat would slip away on both of them. Time to get real. Honesty looming. What to do? They were united. A tie without ropes or chains. They were invisible, but fearfully strong. And yes, he did dive in to catch her. They drowned together.
Awesome, Jay.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Wow, If you ever remember the name of that movie, let me know. That would be right down my alley! I'm so happy you enjoyed my post. I was rather happy with it. In fact it was, I might argue, my second most favorite short story I've written ... the first being "The Uneven Zen of Time." I don't think you've gotten to my post yet that gave you the link to my "Zen" freebie. Here's the link. I really want you to read it, Kimbob. I'm awfully proud of it. https://tinyurl.com/y2txtza7 (You'll have to pop it into your browser.) Let me know if it won't work in Canada. I know that Sandra couldn't get it in England. I have the workaround if you can't get the freebie on Amazon.
Jay
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is an exceptionally riveting, unconventional love story, filled with deep emotion and rich imagery. The characters are so well developed I could relate some of their traits to people I actually know. You put me in the scenes so I could see and feel what your characters were experiencing. I was able to get lost in their story for a moment in time, and released on the beach. I truly enjoyed this story and the way it was told.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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This is an exceptionally riveting, unconventional love story, filled with deep emotion and rich imagery. The characters are so well developed I could relate some of their traits to people I actually know. You put me in the scenes so I could see and feel what your characters were experiencing. I was able to get lost in their story for a moment in time, and released on the beach. I truly enjoyed this story and the way it was told.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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You make me want to cry, Lorraine. Thank you, immeasurably, for letting me know what the story meant to you personally. Then to cap it off with a six! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Jay
Comment from Soledadpaz
It's almost a voyeuristic read, but I suppose that is what a movie-goer is, a voyeur. Looking in at other's people's lives and sometimes envying what he sees, other times grateful for what he has. Vacillating between the two with every movie he watches while scarfing down that ever-present popcorn.
It makes you wonder if Robin was ever alive. Or maybe he just wasn't alive enough for Lena.
A read that is a little too real.
Sol
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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It's almost a voyeuristic read, but I suppose that is what a movie-goer is, a voyeur. Looking in at other's people's lives and sometimes envying what he sees, other times grateful for what he has. Vacillating between the two with every movie he watches while scarfing down that ever-present popcorn.
It makes you wonder if Robin was ever alive. Or maybe he just wasn't alive enough for Lena.
A read that is a little too real.
Sol
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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I hope everyone feels it is a little too real. I'm so gratified that it has been read in such large numbers for a long post and its reception has been overwhelmingly positive. Personally, I don't think Robin could ever have been more alive, in Lena's mind, than Maretta. That was the true tragedy.
Again, Sol, thank you for your kindness and support.
Jay
Comment from evilynne
It was certainly worth the read, although I did have an interruption. And my rump is somewhat numb. The work, though, was spellbinding, a tear eliciting love story, written with your usual excellence. Its reference to certain movies and movie making techniques fascinating. Evi
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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It was certainly worth the read, although I did have an interruption. And my rump is somewhat numb. The work, though, was spellbinding, a tear eliciting love story, written with your usual excellence. Its reference to certain movies and movie making techniques fascinating. Evi
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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I am so pleased that you enjoyed reading this post. And topped it with the cherry of a six! I hope you'll keep an eye open for my "yellow cover post" tomorrow for the link to your freebie, "The Uneven Zen of Time". Thank you, Evilynne!
Jay
Comment from Wendy G
Wow! That was such an interesting and riveting love story, presented in a slightly different way, especially at the beginning. The dialogue was well done too. I did wonder why Maretta married Bob. I enjoyed this a lit even though it was very sad. Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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Wow! That was such an interesting and riveting love story, presented in a slightly different way, especially at the beginning. The dialogue was well done too. I did wonder why Maretta married Bob. I enjoyed this a lit even though it was very sad. Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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Awwww, thank you, Wendy. You've made my day!
Jay
Comment from Ric Myworld
I can't say it was an enjoyable story for me to read, but I can certainly say that it's as well written, descriptive, and character driven as any story can be. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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I can't say it was an enjoyable story for me to read, but I can certainly say that it's as well written, descriptive, and character driven as any story can be. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much, Ric, for reading and for your enigmatic review. You know you begged the question, don't you? LOL, but I still cherish your review. And, OMG, the six stars! You are da bomb!