Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 77 "Seasons"Musings of an old man - 2022
32 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A lovely write for this challenging Zanze form, JLR as you show us the arrival of fall affects more than the falling leaves, but old bones too.
Nicely done, cheers.
valda
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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A lovely write for this challenging Zanze form, JLR as you show us the arrival of fall affects more than the falling leaves, but old bones too.
Nicely done, cheers.
valda
Comment Written 13-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2022
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Valda, thank you for the positive comments.
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
This is a favorite for fall. Your word selection is marvelous. My favorite is "old bones." I love the imagery of hearts going mellow compared to yellow grasses and west winds. In a hurry yesterday, I read this and noticed a couple of apostrophe changes to suggest. You have already changed them and it's perfect!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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This is a favorite for fall. Your word selection is marvelous. My favorite is "old bones." I love the imagery of hearts going mellow compared to yellow grasses and west winds. In a hurry yesterday, I read this and noticed a couple of apostrophe changes to suggest. You have already changed them and it's perfect!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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Verna, thank you for this unexpected validation ... we are enjoying a wonderful western NC autumn complete with dazzling leaf colors, crisp evenings, and warm sunny days.
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This was a gem.(Smile) In Piedmont NC, we don't have much leaf color yet. I just dread when they drop off, and the woods outside my windows are bare!
Comment from Eternal Muse
Thank you for introducing us to the Zanze form, the form I never came across before. It is surely interesting and you did a fine job with it.
Autumn is my favorite season and I loved your description of it. Excellent metaphors, imagery and visuals.
Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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Thank you for introducing us to the Zanze form, the form I never came across before. It is surely interesting and you did a fine job with it.
Autumn is my favorite season and I loved your description of it. Excellent metaphors, imagery and visuals.
Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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I smile back with great appreciation! The mountains of western North Carolina are alive in resounding colors, crisp evenings and warm sunny days, what more could a man seek?
Comment from Sally Law
I've never heard of this, but I invented a new form so no surprise others do. As beautiful offertory in autumnal colors for the poetry challenge. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the challenge,
Sal :))
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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I've never heard of this, but I invented a new form so no surprise others do. As beautiful offertory in autumnal colors for the poetry challenge. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the challenge,
Sal :))
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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Hi Sal! Another autumn. The western Carolina mountains are alive in resounding colors, the evenings crisp and the days sunny and warm, what more could a man seek!
Comment from karenina
I've got to hand it to you. For some reason, this form seems impossible to me. I wrote the schematic down, and I tried...I really tried! You've not only adhered to the form, but you've also created some fine phrasing that reaches out to me from the screen...
"Fall hath arrived. Old bones
thirst for an early Spring.
I ripen like leaves tones...."
I'm in the autumn of my life. My old bones thank you for this poem!
Karenina
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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I've got to hand it to you. For some reason, this form seems impossible to me. I wrote the schematic down, and I tried...I really tried! You've not only adhered to the form, but you've also created some fine phrasing that reaches out to me from the screen...
"Fall hath arrived. Old bones
thirst for an early Spring.
I ripen like leaves tones...."
I'm in the autumn of my life. My old bones thank you for this poem!
Karenina
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Smiling back ... with Bengay in hand. 😊
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Giggles.....
Comment from Frank Malley
This is a new form for me, this 'Zanze.' It appears to be a difficult form within which to write, and it seems such a form demands more attention to form than to idea and image. However, this poet skillfully achieves a nice, stylistically archaic poem about becoming old.
The seventh line is awkward. 'I'm ripe like fall's leaf tones' isn't great but it might be better. Kept as it is, "leaves" needs to be 'leaves', possessive.
I have to opine that this poem could have been exceptional if it were unfettered by prissy restrictions of form.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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This is a new form for me, this 'Zanze.' It appears to be a difficult form within which to write, and it seems such a form demands more attention to form than to idea and image. However, this poet skillfully achieves a nice, stylistically archaic poem about becoming old.
The seventh line is awkward. 'I'm ripe like fall's leaf tones' isn't great but it might be better. Kept as it is, "leaves" needs to be 'leaves', possessive.
I have to opine that this poem could have been exceptional if it were unfettered by prissy restrictions of form.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Frank, I always appreciate your reviews and comment. They always desire, to revisit, rewrite and evolve! Thanks!
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written Zanze poem you have penned for the Potlatch Poetry contest. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery. Thank you for sharing. Teri
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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This is a very well written Zanze poem you have penned for the Potlatch Poetry contest. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery. Thank you for sharing. Teri
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Thanks!
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a nicely written poem for the club entry. It has a Nice overall presentation. Great photo to compliment your words as well. Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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This is a nicely written poem for the club entry. It has a Nice overall presentation. Great photo to compliment your words as well. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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my sincere thank you!
Comment from Brandon Clark
Great Job! I can definitely relate to this poem. I've had a knee surgery and two back surgeries. Literally, most the time I can predict cold or rainy days more accurately than the weather service, using my knees and back arthritis as the forecast models. Still, fall is a favorite time of year for me, despite the aches and pains. Thank you for sharing this!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Great Job! I can definitely relate to this poem. I've had a knee surgery and two back surgeries. Literally, most the time I can predict cold or rainy days more accurately than the weather service, using my knees and back arthritis as the forecast models. Still, fall is a favorite time of year for me, despite the aches and pains. Thank you for sharing this!
Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Brandon, while it is great that we have modern medicine at our beckoning call, the residual of these remarkable treatments still leave our bodies racked with the nuances of damage that reminds us of the damage we have done to ourselves. I hope you can stay the course and thrive abundantly!
Comment from Gloria ....
Hey J, good to read another fine and most image filled poem of yours. Your sentiment is lovely and perfectly fitting for the change of the season.
That said, just a couple of points.
In the subtitle:
A Zantze (Zanze) on Fall and change
and a couple of rhymes:
Fall hath arrived ... old bones! - this end rhyme needs to rhyme with Spring.
passed summer's hold - this end rhyme needs to rhyme with ache.
Easy repairs and many thanks to you for sharing.
Gloria
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Hey J, good to read another fine and most image filled poem of yours. Your sentiment is lovely and perfectly fitting for the change of the season.
That said, just a couple of points.
In the subtitle:
A Zantze (Zanze) on Fall and change
and a couple of rhymes:
Fall hath arrived ... old bones! - this end rhyme needs to rhyme with Spring.
passed summer's hold - this end rhyme needs to rhyme with ache.
Easy repairs and many thanks to you for sharing.
Gloria
Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Thank you, I will revisit this, J