Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

I think you are right, the effect of the moonlight in a churchyard at night is pretty eerie. One imagines all sorts of ghostly creatures meandering round the churchyard. Not that I frequent those places at night time. Your words conjure up all sorts of visions. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Faye

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thanks you, Nosha. I find old cemeteries very tranquil and peaceful at night. They're a good place to stop, sit and reflect on things for awhile. There's nothing to fear from the dead. That stuff is just fodder for horror yarns and monster movies.

Comment from DR DIP

Exceptional

just what can't you write?!
Even when curfewed and restricted to 17 syllables you still come out with gems like this!

the master at work!

dip

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thanks so much dipster, my friend. And there is a lot of poetry I won't even attempt to write, at leat not yet. Like a sonnet, for example. I simply don't understand them well enough.

But, I've been diligently studying Haiku, senryu, and 5-7-5 poetry to try and gain a better understanding of the craft and what's expected.

I hope I've done my friend Luna, on her lofty perch above us all, proud here.

Thanks for the awesome review, dipster. And enjoy the two days you have left in paradise.

Comment from MAB

Excellent

Very neat and eerie. Really gives a new image in an ominous view of our moon. I like the image a lot, it really gives detail to the poem. Best wishes Dean.

SAM

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thank you, Sam. I'm glad you liked it and appreciate the five stars.

Comment from faragon

Excellent

Very well done! I love the picture choice! The poem succinctly portrays the act of the moonbeams. Even without the picture, I was able to see them flitting amongst the gravestones.

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

That was my intent, faragon, and thank you so much for confirming that I relayed it sufficiently. I do appreciate your thoughts.

Comment from ProjectBluebook

Excellent

It's so spooky it takes my breath away. Where is Count Dracular? A graveyard of wandering ghosts enters my mind. Excellent word choices. Shifting moonbeams stream? I never heard it put that way. You got superb imagination. Like you are there and aware. This is a strong contender in the moon prompt. I can not see how this could get better. Looks unbeatable, but the last time I thought that, I got keelhauled out of arrogance. Could be Transylvania, Romania. Or the bluffs of Gilgralter, Bram Stoker's Dracula. I'm stone cold restless. This is a virtual six since I just used me last six a few seconds ago. Wished I had waited. A five is an insult but that is all I can muster, Dean. Excaliber! wackydo

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thank you, Wacydo, and I hope you're right. In actuality, I was there in the cemetery at night. That's what inspired this poem. I'd stopped for awhile to sit and gather my thoughts after my daily walk to an old, ancient cemetery I frequently walk the roads of. I go there because it is so peaceful and serene. There are graves well in excess of two-hundred years in that quiet place. there are no gates, it is neglected and goes unattended, but it is still very quiet and a good place to reflect awhile.

This poem is more about reflection of our own mortality and peace of mind, or serenity, than anything creepy.

Thanks for your outstanding review, my friend.

reply by ProjectBluebook on 12-Jun-2014

I didn't know you took this picture. Damn, what a shot, where is the owl. yep, I did a civil war poem way back called Shiloh. Shiloh means place of peace. it's a Hebrew name. Shalom means peace. Good messages. wackydo

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Second review


Superb edits on the satori line!



First review

Superb entry for this contest, Dean. Gosh, there are so many excellent entries, it will be hard to choose. This one stands a good chance in the booth because of the stunning presentation, vivid imagery and excellent phonetics in phrasing with consonance and alliteraiotn of S linking all lines. I like the near internal rhyme of moonbeams and stream (which is a great verb choice, as well).

shifting moonbeams stream

I like the haunting depth added to the imagery with the second line, and the assonance of I between shifting and twixt sounds good too:

twixt crumbling ancient headstones


*silhouettes of death

Excellent interpretive satori line. The only suggestion I have for you is to consider rephrasing the satori to trim the word OF from it. This is because so many entries to the contest have two-word satori lines--which are striking and effective. Your haiku has great word economy except for this line. I suggest:


death silhouettes

Bravo on the artwork choice--matches the tone and tenor and content in your theme and imagery,

Good luck

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thank you very much, rama. I will certainly look into effectively changing the satori, my dear friend. I also very much appreciate the suggetion.

reply by rama devi on 12-Jun-2014

Most welcome! Warm Wishes, rd

reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

I went with...

death in silhouettes. Trying to maintain the 5-7-5 balance.

Thank you again.

reply by rama devi on 12-Jun-2014

That works better and is an improvement, but I do think a two word satori would be ideal--and, you know, the contest requires short-long-short, not 5-7-5. So many entries have shorter satori lines. Just FYI!

Good luck'
Warmly,
rd

reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Ha ha, I changed it again after I thought more about what you said. It now reads ...

shifting moonbeams stream

twixt crumbling ancient headstones

deathly silhouettes

Sometimes my brain has to catch up with my fingers... :>}

reply by rama devi on 12-Jun-2014

Good one! Well done. Good luck to you! Warmly, rd

reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thanks for your assistance.

Warmly back to you~

Dean

reply by rama devi on 12-Jun-2014

Sure. Happy to help. Warmly, rd

Comment from Kausar_Javeria

Excellent

Hello there~
Wow.. A creepy take on the prompt. I absolutely love it! And the picture is very fitting as well.
Good Luck in the contest and God Bless~!

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Dear Kausar...

Thanks for the review. In reality, I was trying to convey a peacefulness and serenity here rather than making it feel creepy. But, as boneyards are wont to do, creepy seems to be the dominating consensus. Personally, I think cemeteries are very peaceful places after dark. I often go to one in particular to just clear my head and reflect awhile.

Thanks for the review, and well~wishes. All are appreciated.

reply by Kausar_Javeria on 12-Jun-2014

OH? Sorry for wrongly predicting your haiku. I kind of was captivated by the picture...and....You find cemeteries peaceful!??!...Okay... Everybody has their own view I guess. Yours is rather interesting though..
Sorry again.
God Bless~!

reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Interpretation is personal, and completely up to the one who's reading the poem, regardless of the author's intent. I merely tell you my intentions because I wanted you to know. And yes, I find cemeteries very peaceful. We have nothing to fear from the dead, that only happens in zombie movies and horror stories.

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

This is yet another striking poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is a change of format to the usual fare from the author, but it has lost none of its lustre. Well done again and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thank you, Tomes. I appreciate the sentiment.

reply by Tomes Johnston on 12-Jun-2014

My pleasure

Comment from tbacha58

Excellent

Dean Dean, you shook my whole existence with this powerful presentation of your Haiku. Whoa its so emotional, so deep, few words
wrote a book. The picture is unbelievable, so appropriate to your each word. Bless u my friend. Hugs Terry xoxo
Sending you my stars from Montreal to shine above you. xoxo

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014

Thanks a bunch, Terry. They sure look good in the moonlit Ohio skies, LOL.

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

Ooo, this is a haunting little piece and a different take than the usual romantic look at the moon. You have followed the rules and created an alluring piece. Love the spooky picture to enhance the verse. Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014

Thanks, Debi. I think based on past experiences in these non-horror related type contests that I'm gonna' need it.