After The Picnic
A boy remembers summer116 total reviews
Comment from Larry T
What wonderful memories. Many believe we can never have these kind of memories again. I disagree. I love making memories for the future. Great read!
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What wonderful memories. Many believe we can never have these kind of memories again. I disagree. I love making memories for the future. Great read!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2005
Comment from NeiLB
wow. description here is great. you captured everything that i will guess you have experienced. you even name your aunts, uncles, friends and your grandma here. well done. you capture the very essence of summer through the speaker (your) eyes and point of view. well done. keep up the good work!
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wow. description here is great. you captured everything that i will guess you have experienced. you even name your aunts, uncles, friends and your grandma here. well done. you capture the very essence of summer through the speaker (your) eyes and point of view. well done. keep up the good work!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2005
Comment from Frozen Fire
I can see why you call yourself Mastery. You certainly have mastered the art of writing. As soon as I started reading the first stanza, I was hooked, and I remained interested until the end. Your writing within this piece has such a feel-good tone, and the imagery took me to where you so skillfully described. My favorite:
On a Sunday evening in July,
when the company on the porch
lost their faces to the creeping dark,
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I can see why you call yourself Mastery. You certainly have mastered the art of writing. As soon as I started reading the first stanza, I was hooked, and I remained interested until the end. Your writing within this piece has such a feel-good tone, and the imagery took me to where you so skillfully described. My favorite:
On a Sunday evening in July,
when the company on the porch
lost their faces to the creeping dark,
Comment Written 23-Jul-2005
Comment from Bryana
I read your notes. If I lived in Michigan I would also welcome summer more than winter! Your free style poem certainly takes you to a pleasant family picnic. Those precious memories I also keep, when my children were young and look forward for those family reunions. Well, it's summer, my children are gone but I'll call few a friends and have a picnic you got me in the mood with your poem.
Have a nice summer.
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I read your notes. If I lived in Michigan I would also welcome summer more than winter! Your free style poem certainly takes you to a pleasant family picnic. Those precious memories I also keep, when my children were young and look forward for those family reunions. Well, it's summer, my children are gone but I'll call few a friends and have a picnic you got me in the mood with your poem.
Have a nice summer.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2005
Comment from PapaJim
Very good mastery of the descriptive technique! You did well using the native tongue and that brought the piece homeward. Excellent effort. Can't wait to see more!
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Very good mastery of the descriptive technique! You did well using the native tongue and that brought the piece homeward. Excellent effort. Can't wait to see more!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2005
Comment from cupa tea
Thats really cute. I believe thats a freestyle piece. You've done a nice job setting up the poem. You lead easily to the summer day and catching fireflies. I remember doing that as a kid too. I wouldn't change a thing about this poem.
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Thats really cute. I believe thats a freestyle piece. You've done a nice job setting up the poem. You lead easily to the summer day and catching fireflies. I remember doing that as a kid too. I wouldn't change a thing about this poem.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2005
Comment from Pili Pubul
Excellent narrative poem , that made me feel right there sharing the pick-nick with all of you , great images and memories of a fun day, I love it !
"While he was smacking mosquitoes,
Fat Uncle Ted's lawn chair caved in,
and that set off a chain reaction
of women's screams and men's laughs
when he landed in a heap."
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Excellent narrative poem , that made me feel right there sharing the pick-nick with all of you , great images and memories of a fun day, I love it !
"While he was smacking mosquitoes,
Fat Uncle Ted's lawn chair caved in,
and that set off a chain reaction
of women's screams and men's laughs
when he landed in a heap."
Comment Written 23-Jul-2005
Comment from ShadowKatmandu
I believe you
Indiana is the same
Where I grew up
No season was tame
Summer memories
Can last for all time
Deep in our hearts
Forever fresh on our minds. :)
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I believe you
Indiana is the same
Where I grew up
No season was tame
Summer memories
Can last for all time
Deep in our hearts
Forever fresh on our minds. :)
Comment Written 23-Jul-2005
Comment from frisbee
This is so full of visual imagery that I feel as if I were there spying on all of you. What a great piece! There is a feeling of fondness for this occasion and the reader can imagine the comfortable people there,the kids running around and the howls of laughter as the chair collapsed! The simile about the crickets was imaginative, and the poem as a whole was not over-complicated by being too verbose, it was a simple story told in a simple way which added to its beauty!
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This is so full of visual imagery that I feel as if I were there spying on all of you. What a great piece! There is a feeling of fondness for this occasion and the reader can imagine the comfortable people there,the kids running around and the howls of laughter as the chair collapsed! The simile about the crickets was imaginative, and the poem as a whole was not over-complicated by being too verbose, it was a simple story told in a simple way which added to its beauty!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2005
Comment from Sallyo
One of your best, Mastery. Every line is lovingly evoking a time and a place, with just enough edge to keep it from being too sweet. This is a template for people wanting to write narrative free verse. One of the rare ones that needs that invisible 6th start. Brilliant.
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One of your best, Mastery. Every line is lovingly evoking a time and a place, with just enough edge to keep it from being too sweet. This is a template for people wanting to write narrative free verse. One of the rare ones that needs that invisible 6th start. Brilliant.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2005