The Timecard
Happy Birthday Angel85 total reviews
Comment from amahra
Oh, This story really touched my heart and you told it so well. How you got the courage to write this is beyond me. Blessings you and your family my friend.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Oh, This story really touched my heart and you told it so well. How you got the courage to write this is beyond me. Blessings you and your family my friend.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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amahra... its been thirty years but she still is in my heart and I do believe she is our guardian angel. Thank you for reading and commenting, I appreciate it. John
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh John, this is the saddest story, but you have told it beautifully, and expressed the technicalities plainly for everyone to understand.
I much prefer non-fiction myself, and it can be very healing.
I hope you post some children's stories, too. I've only posted one myself, but it got good reviews. I do intend to post some more in the future, (some time!)
I'd like to keep up with your writing now.
John, in paragraph 2, second line, consider writing: 'She was exhausted. They wheeled her from...' otherwise it's a bit confusing and looks as if the staff were exhausted.
Last line: Write ...the news. They were grandparents.
'See you' again soon, Giddy
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Oh John, this is the saddest story, but you have told it beautifully, and expressed the technicalities plainly for everyone to understand.
I much prefer non-fiction myself, and it can be very healing.
I hope you post some children's stories, too. I've only posted one myself, but it got good reviews. I do intend to post some more in the future, (some time!)
I'd like to keep up with your writing now.
John, in paragraph 2, second line, consider writing: 'She was exhausted. They wheeled her from...' otherwise it's a bit confusing and looks as if the staff were exhausted.
Last line: Write ...the news. They were grandparents.
'See you' again soon, Giddy
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
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Thank you Giddy, I am glad you read it and I appreciate your comments. I took the liberty to make those corrections you pointed out. I can understand the confusion about the "exhaustion". Keep in touch... time for shut-eye.
Peace, John
Comment from adewpearl
What a beautifully poignant story, John - the time card at the beginning and ending of the story is perfect narrative strategy. I'm sitting here crying, which is the best proof you can have of how much I was affected as reader by your words. God bless you and your family. You really did make Kristen come to life for me. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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What a beautifully poignant story, John - the time card at the beginning and ending of the story is perfect narrative strategy. I'm sitting here crying, which is the best proof you can have of how much I was affected as reader by your words. God bless you and your family. You really did make Kristen come to life for me. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 27-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Brooke, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my story and for your blessing, I appreciate it very much. Ths story touched many readers and I had a good number of warm reviews. It also re-kindled some confidence in me and as to why I joined FS. Also, thank you for the six star review, coming from you, one of the top respected writers on this site, for me goes a long, long way. Again, thank you. John
Comment from marcii
My sympathy to you and your family, no matter the years that pass you will never forget.
I lost my Son three years ago and although he died at twenty-four and not as a baby, he will always be my baby.
Marcii
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
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My sympathy to you and your family, no matter the years that pass you will never forget.
I lost my Son three years ago and although he died at twenty-four and not as a baby, he will always be my baby.
Marcii
Comment Written 26-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
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marcii... they will always be our babies. I am sorry for your loss, I really am. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. John
Comment from Soledadpaz
This is a beautiful and heart wrenching story that hit close to home for me. As a Neonatal ICU nurse, I worked with these tiny babies for many years. Your story made me remember their lovely little faces. I miss them, my babies.
How wonderful that you rebuilt your family under the guidance of your own private little guardian Angel. And it's so moving to know that you visit with her every year and keep her close to your heart. One can never forget one's child. I can understand the symbolism that time card has for you. It keeps that time fresh in your memory; it is sacred to you.
Best wishes,
Sole
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
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This is a beautiful and heart wrenching story that hit close to home for me. As a Neonatal ICU nurse, I worked with these tiny babies for many years. Your story made me remember their lovely little faces. I miss them, my babies.
How wonderful that you rebuilt your family under the guidance of your own private little guardian Angel. And it's so moving to know that you visit with her every year and keep her close to your heart. One can never forget one's child. I can understand the symbolism that time card has for you. It keeps that time fresh in your memory; it is sacred to you.
Best wishes,
Sole
Comment Written 26-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
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Thank you Sole for the kind words in your review. I don't know how you Nurses in neonatal do this, my hat is tipped to you! Thank you for the six stars I appreciate them, but your words and your understanding my reference to the timecard mean even more. Thank you again... John
Comment from Kingsland
I have two sons, both are healthy and now adults. This short piece touch me on many levels. The birth of my two sons are the two greatest experiences in my life. I cannot imagine the grief someone has when losing a child at any age whatsoever. This piece brought on tears from me as it is a very emotional story. You have experienced it and can still have the courage to relate it to us here on this site. That cannot be a very easy undertaking... John
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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I have two sons, both are healthy and now adults. This short piece touch me on many levels. The birth of my two sons are the two greatest experiences in my life. I cannot imagine the grief someone has when losing a child at any age whatsoever. This piece brought on tears from me as it is a very emotional story. You have experienced it and can still have the courage to relate it to us here on this site. That cannot be a very easy undertaking... John
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story, I certainly appreciate your time. It was somewhat difficult to write being her 30th birthday, but she watched over her brothers and sister for so many years in a way she is always here with us. Thank you again, John
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this heartwrenching and heartwarming story of your first child, i wish i had a six for you.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this heartwrenching and heartwarming story of your first child, i wish i had a six for you.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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Your warm words and thoughts are sufficient enough for me sweetwoodjax... thank you, John
Comment from Mastery
Hello, John. Very somber write for you, I am sure. I'm sorry for your loss...genuinely Sorry...There Is nothing worse than losing a child no matter how old...Been There.. Done that. I lost my only son in a freak car accident (a bowling ball hit him in the head) I tell the story in "Top of The Mountain" in my portfolio from way back about a year, I think.
Anyway, you presented this very well. Good, concise writing. Bless you and your wife...Bob
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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Hello, John. Very somber write for you, I am sure. I'm sorry for your loss...genuinely Sorry...There Is nothing worse than losing a child no matter how old...Been There.. Done that. I lost my only son in a freak car accident (a bowling ball hit him in the head) I tell the story in "Top of The Mountain" in my portfolio from way back about a year, I think.
Anyway, you presented this very well. Good, concise writing. Bless you and your wife...Bob
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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Bob, thank you for reading and ratingmy story and also for your warm words of emotion, I appreciate it very much. I went back and read "Top of The Mountain", in all honesty (and I am not embarressed to say so) I couldn't get through to the end in the first pass, tears welled up my eyes. Your priests comfort statementof the meaning of 'top of the mountain' got me. They are so true, so true. Thank you my friend for sharing with me, I appreciate it very much. John
Comment from deb552
Wow! I'm writing this review with tears rolling down my face. What a well written, yet terribly sad story to tell. As I was reading it, I felt as though I were at the hospital, on that day, watching everything that occurred through a window. I can't begin to pretend, how you and your wife felt, losing your daughter on the day she was born. I give so much credit for being able to maintain your faith and put a positive spin on her death..."We knew God had other plans for Kristen....we put our faith in him" I'm not sure I could have done that. Thank you so much for shaing your story. Although Christmas is a long way off, I have a feeling your story will come to mind on this year's holiday. All my best to you John, and just for the record, the six stars was not out of sympathy but because I felt you did a wonderful job in writing it. As I said in the beginning, I felt as though I were there. I could picture you holding the timecard, as your memory of that day came to you. Your friend, deb
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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Wow! I'm writing this review with tears rolling down my face. What a well written, yet terribly sad story to tell. As I was reading it, I felt as though I were at the hospital, on that day, watching everything that occurred through a window. I can't begin to pretend, how you and your wife felt, losing your daughter on the day she was born. I give so much credit for being able to maintain your faith and put a positive spin on her death..."We knew God had other plans for Kristen....we put our faith in him" I'm not sure I could have done that. Thank you so much for shaing your story. Although Christmas is a long way off, I have a feeling your story will come to mind on this year's holiday. All my best to you John, and just for the record, the six stars was not out of sympathy but because I felt you did a wonderful job in writing it. As I said in the beginning, I felt as though I were there. I could picture you holding the timecard, as your memory of that day came to you. Your friend, deb
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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Thank you Deb so much for your kind words. The star is fun, but your comments mean even more to me. For me, putting my faithback in God honestly took some time, but I did and our guardian angel took care of us with 3 wonderful children. Thank you for your time spent with me in writing your feelings, I most appreciate it.
John
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John, it was my pleasure to share my thoughts with you. Enjoy your weekend! deb
Comment from Patrick Jordan
I'm not sure what to say here. I too have been through the loss of an infant. You told this moving story with excellence and grace. Amazingly stirring!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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I'm not sure what to say here. I too have been through the loss of an infant. You told this moving story with excellence and grace. Amazingly stirring!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2011
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Just the fact that you read my story and submitted your commentary is enough for me. Thank you... John