My Mother
a remembrance70 total reviews
Comment from BJean
I've never been beside someone leaving this life, so I can only imagine the emotions that rampage. I, too think they need the assurance of being told it's okay to let go and go home. Good emotional story of your remembrance in your well done poem.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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I've never been beside someone leaving this life, so I can only imagine the emotions that rampage. I, too think they need the assurance of being told it's okay to let go and go home. Good emotional story of your remembrance in your well done poem.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Thanks for understanding the poem so well. I appreciate it.
Comment from adewpearl
brother-in-laws - brothers-in-law
Alvin, you tell the story of your mother's dying days and your central involvement in that time most poignantly. If you read this aloud and I could not see the line breaks, I would not guess it was poetry, but I guess I just don't understand the whole concept of prose poetry yet. Brooke
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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brother-in-laws - brothers-in-law
Alvin, you tell the story of your mother's dying days and your central involvement in that time most poignantly. If you read this aloud and I could not see the line breaks, I would not guess it was poetry, but I guess I just don't understand the whole concept of prose poetry yet. Brooke
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Thanks for catching that copy editing error. I don't understand the concepts of free verse vs. a prose poem, either. I am asking others to enlighten me. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Judian James
This is more a prose piece than free verse for me, but I like it Al. I do think I would change out the second "eight years ago," although I appreciate the emphasis you're wanting to place on the time. I think I might say "that anniversary, yesterday" or something similar OR rewrite the very beginning to read "My mother died eight long years ago today. I called everyone to her bedside, eight long years ago" That flows well, shows a profound sadness in the repetition of the years and is softer than "I was the one who had to..." Just some thoughts. There's a lot of "I had"s in this piece Al, which shows your anger. Was that intended? I'm sorry it was such a difficult time for you and I hope that perhaps something good came of it and you're in better standing with the family. You told the emotional story well
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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This is more a prose piece than free verse for me, but I like it Al. I do think I would change out the second "eight years ago," although I appreciate the emphasis you're wanting to place on the time. I think I might say "that anniversary, yesterday" or something similar OR rewrite the very beginning to read "My mother died eight long years ago today. I called everyone to her bedside, eight long years ago" That flows well, shows a profound sadness in the repetition of the years and is softer than "I was the one who had to..." Just some thoughts. There's a lot of "I had"s in this piece Al, which shows your anger. Was that intended? I'm sorry it was such a difficult time for you and I hope that perhaps something good came of it and you're in better standing with the family. You told the emotional story well
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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I look at the I had throughout the poem; yes, I was angry. To be invited, then thrown out, of your ancestral home every two weeks for two months was maddening.
For clarification (and I have never understood this), what, at least to you, is the difference between free verse and a prose poem? I understand one is verse, but in this postmodern world, what is the definition of verse?
For clarification, I use repeition to give a dirge-like cadence to my poems on death.
Thanks for your review.
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There's still a certain flow in free verse ... a certain cadence that's hard to define but is there. This piece tells your story as a story. It's very well written Al, just more on the prose end of things.
I appreciate the almost palpable pain you felt when writing this piece.
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Oh, and you can repeat a feeling to carry through the emotion without necessarily repeating words verbatim. Sometimes that can be more effective. In this piece the "eight years" could have gone either way and worked. I just made an observation as to how I felt after reading it.
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I understand.
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Thank you.
Comment from BarnCat
Alvin -- this is so restrained it aches. Matter of fact and pulls no punches, yet the pain simmers and bubbles to the surface only to be cooled again by family members who do not understand you. This could have become self-serving or maudlin or even morbid, but your control of language and tone made it resonate wth the realities of life and death -- the living and the dying. Well written and good luck. deborah
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Alvin -- this is so restrained it aches. Matter of fact and pulls no punches, yet the pain simmers and bubbles to the surface only to be cooled again by family members who do not understand you. This could have become self-serving or maudlin or even morbid, but your control of language and tone made it resonate wth the realities of life and death -- the living and the dying. Well written and good luck. deborah
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2010
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Yes, you understood exactly the underlying structure of the poem. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from MyYiaYia
Wow, this is a poem with vast implication. Is this biographical? It is full of sadness, of a family broken apart, so broken in fact, that even when someone is dying and all should be showing solidarity, that cannot even be accomplished. I am saddened for this group. It was still very well written and evoked feelings of sadness, great devotion to a mother, pity, and unforgiveness. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Wow, this is a poem with vast implication. Is this biographical? It is full of sadness, of a family broken apart, so broken in fact, that even when someone is dying and all should be showing solidarity, that cannot even be accomplished. I am saddened for this group. It was still very well written and evoked feelings of sadness, great devotion to a mother, pity, and unforgiveness. I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Yes, it is totally autobiographical. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from honeytree
I can understand how one feels after losing ones mother and father.It is a time when we have to say goodbye, and maybe see them again in heaven when we die. Other family members can be indifferent and I often wonder why?
I always think of Mum and Dad and my brother Gerry that have passed onto heaven.
Great Writing.
Honeytree.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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I can understand how one feels after losing ones mother and father.It is a time when we have to say goodbye, and maybe see them again in heaven when we die. Other family members can be indifferent and I often wonder why?
I always think of Mum and Dad and my brother Gerry that have passed onto heaven.
Great Writing.
Honeytree.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Thanks for a great review. I truly appreciate it.
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Alvin I enjoyed what you have written and I am glad you liked the review.
Honeytree.
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Yes, I did.
Comment from SamanthaD.
Wow. What a beautiful, touching and very moving poem. I can feel your frustrations with the "family dealings" as well as with the sadness of your mother's passing. I like the way you used the words "eight years ago" several times. Good writing!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Wow. What a beautiful, touching and very moving poem. I can feel your frustrations with the "family dealings" as well as with the sadness of your mother's passing. I like the way you used the words "eight years ago" several times. Good writing!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Yes, I wanted it to have a cadence-like quality and I think I succeeded. It almost seems like a dirge. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Joan E.
In your free verse, you have created a very vivid reenactment of the passing of your mother. I liked the repeat of "eight years" for emphasis and the details about your family and the use of quotes to add authenticity. I also admired your including the intimate, tactile feeling of squeezing her hand. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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In your free verse, you have created a very vivid reenactment of the passing of your mother. I liked the repeat of "eight years" for emphasis and the details about your family and the use of quotes to add authenticity. I also admired your including the intimate, tactile feeling of squeezing her hand. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Thanks for understanding the whole sensual experience. It was quite difficult. The dirge-like cadence was to give it a funerary quality. Thanks for a good review.
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Yes, the "dirge-like cadence" was quite effective. Thank you for trusting us enough to share this very personal experience. -J
Comment from Clueless
Great poem. People say they know when they going to die. Some people say thats why they ask for unique things. I think it was jusy coincidence that she went when she did mayebe she felt it. However it is a great poem
regards
clueless
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Great poem. People say they know when they going to die. Some people say thats why they ask for unique things. I think it was jusy coincidence that she went when she did mayebe she felt it. However it is a great poem
regards
clueless
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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No, both she and I knew when she was going to go. I even told my sisters when. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Teri7
Al, This is a very touching poem you have penned. Believe it or not, I was the one that had to call my family in when my mother died. I am so sorry my friend. Hugs, Teri
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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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Al, This is a very touching poem you have penned. Believe it or not, I was the one that had to call my family in when my mother died. I am so sorry my friend. Hugs, Teri
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2010
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I believe it. It is often the outsider who has the necessary objectivity to deal with the arrangements. Thanks for a good review.
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very true my friend