Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

Hi Dean - Very well written - I like the old fashioned, period touch to your words. It is a lovely way to write a sonnet. Your three stanzas of four lines each and the end rhyming couplet together with perfect iambic pentameter makes this a perfect Shakespearean Sonnet. Good abab rhyme throughout apart from first and third line - gown/ground, near rhyme. Well done - Good luck in the contest. Kind regards Dorothy x

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Thanks so much, Dorothy, and I will endeavor to work on that rhyme to make it read much better. I truly value your opinion, and I appreciate your kind review.~Dean

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

This is reall a wonderful first try Dean Your Iams are off in a few of the lines and I have sent a message to you about the iams and daDums. LOL I know you will fix it so I am giving you a five. Well done fellow. You made me proud, mentioning me in your notes. Thank you for the compliment! xsx Nancy

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Thanks so much, Nancy, and I really appreciate all of you kind and wonderful help. I have made the suggested changes. As for mentioning you in my notes, it was the least that I could do. Reading your sonnets, and studying them line by line, inspired me enough to try and write on of my own. I'm just glad I didn't completely butcher the format, LOL.

Thanks so much again, my friend, for everything.

Comment from MM lives on :)

Excellent

I dont have any suggestions at all this truly made for an excellent read
I simply loved the use of wording in this and how you used
It so cleverly...excellent work my friend
Lovex your imagery as well..thanks for sharing

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Thanks so much for having a go at this one for me, Christopher. I really appreciate your very positive and encouraging review, my friend. Be well~ Dean

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Good piece and not at all horrific. Losing the one you love can make you not want to live. I've been there myself. I'm surprised that so many people still try to find love, since it can be soooo painful. Yet we fools keep trying... and dying needessly. Just about everyone I know is divorced, or, at my age, widowed or about to be. My hubby included, waiting for me to die. Life is so unfair, but we keep plodding along just the same, as tho we'd be missing out on something if we didnt suffer another day.

Guess you can tell I'm not having a good day. LOL! :)

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Ha ha, well, it certainly does sound a bit that way, my dear Phyllis. I completely agree with you, though. We invest so much of our time, love, hopes and dreams in someone, only to have them taken from us before we feel it was their time to go. It is a painful existence to be alone, I know. I too have been there myself.

Cheer up, Phyllis... who loves ya, baby? Deano does, that's who! LOL... On second thought, that may be a scary thought, heh-heh.

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 07-Aug-2014

ROFL! Now I'm going to worry about you falling off a cliff! Be careful out there, Deano... I need you. LOL!

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Fall? I bungee jump off 'em, LOL. ;}

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 07-Aug-2014

That's only because you have a death wish. That'll be $120, and see me next Tuesday. :)

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Hah! You got it...:}

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

he story is very well written. I'm not sure your meter is perfect, but as I have so much trouble with it, I won't even try to be specific, but will leave that for those more skilled. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Thanks for looking in on it for me, Debbie. I really appreciate it.

Comment from costellsgirl33

Excellent

I don't even know what a sonnet poem is, lol! So i'm not sure how much help I can........

But I will say your poem is incredible. It is very dark and gloomy. And I feel sad for the person for losing their sweet jasmine that has been left dead!

But then i got to the end and if that is Jasmine, it's no longer sadness.......


Very nice job and good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Yes, he goes on to meet with her on the gloomy shores of the River Styx, Arnetta. He is happier with his Jasmine in the land of the dead than he is alone, in the land of the living. That was the gist of the sonnet, anyhow.

Thanks so much for your very kind review. It is appreciated!

reply by costellsgirl33 on 07-Aug-2014

You are very welcome, Dean! It was a really good poem was I realized what was going on ;).....lol

Arnetta

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

solid rhyming in good English sonnet format including the good proximate rhyme of gown/ground
excellent uses of alliteration
release it's cold hold - drop the apostrophe
good assonance in beseech/release
you create a doleful mood well through word and phrasing choices
a compelling closing wish
Brooke
You spell Jasmine right in the poem but the blue title at the top says Jamine

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Oops! Thanks for catching that, Brooke, and for the other suggestions as well. I will fix those straight away!

I was hoping to get your input on this, as it is my first ever attempt at writing a sonnet. I am trying new forms of poetic expression, to enhance my capabilities a little.

I truly appreciate your kind review and your assistance! I have made the suggested edits...

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very wel lwritten, dean, you did an excellent job attempting an English sonnet, which I will never try, great imagery about the pain of the one that was left behind before the wedding day. good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Thanks, sweetwoodjax, and I never thought I'd have enough guts to try one either. But, I figured, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Thanks for your very kind review.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

You already know I am NOT a poet so struggle with the different styles. I do enjoy reading sonnets, they are my favorite. I enjoyed reading your sonnet and I think it is a strong contest entry. Good luck.

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 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Whew, that is a big load off of my mind, Barbara. As this was my first sonnet I've ever attempted to write, I'd hope I wouldn't butcher the form. Your uplifting review gives me some peace of mind.

Thanks again, my friend.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi Dean,

This read really well to me. Smooth and easy to understand. Having never written a Sonnet, I have no idea about structue. I just know what I like.

As always, your artwork and presentation exceeds, my friend. Enjoyable read, though not so lucky for those in the poem.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax ('-')


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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Thanks so much, Jax, and believe it or not, I actually held back on the artwork for this sonnet, LOL.

This was my first ever attempt at writing a sonnet, so I truly appreciate your very kind review. :}

reply by Jacqueline M Franklin on 07-Aug-2014

I always look forward to your artwork - it's your signature mark! ('-')

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

I wish everyone shared your sentiments there, Jax. LOL... :]

reply by Jacqueline M Franklin on 07-Aug-2014

I think sometimes the ones that have the negative viewpoint are:
1) jealous
2) lack creativity
3) lack the energy to try being creative
And that's just a few! Keep on doing what makes you - you.

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Thanks, jax, i appreciate that. And don't you worry, I will! heh-heh-heh...