If Some Could Tell!
If we were learned to tell! A Non-Fiction in 220 words112 total reviews
Comment from Cry the Vile Rebel
You really put those commas to use in this one. I quite like the style of this piece, as it again showcases your talent of making every word pull it's weight, but it also reveals an extravagant love of words that I find very appealing.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
  |
You really put those commas to use in this one. I quite like the style of this piece, as it again showcases your talent of making every word pull it's weight, but it also reveals an extravagant love of words that I find very appealing.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
-
Sorry for being late.
Thank you.
Comment from rama devi
Ah, this one has much more substance and insight than the other two I just reviewed. While it has many spag issues as well (which I'll be happy to note down in detail if you wish--but will not do so until you ask because if you're going to ignore them, I do not want to waste time).
I think you have a lot of good ideas and it would be a great thing if you develop your writing to a higher caliber for more ease of read and also for clarity.
This also could be edited to remove redundancies and develop the thesis more fully.
Again, I will be happy to give a full critique, line by line, if you wish for the help. Based on the past, I am not confident yet that the critique would be well-received, even though it is well-intended.
I totally agree with the premise of this write, which reminds me of Lao Tzu's famous quote from the Tao-te-Ching:
"Those who speak, do not know; those who know, do not speak."
I sincerely hope you acquire the inspiration to develop the craft of writing as much as you passionately develop insightful ideas in your own mind. The key to communication is to delve into your mind, find those kernels of wisdom and then jump out of your own mind and consider your audience...
Best wishes,
rd
 |
Ah, this one has much more substance and insight than the other two I just reviewed. While it has many spag issues as well (which I'll be happy to note down in detail if you wish--but will not do so until you ask because if you're going to ignore them, I do not want to waste time).
I think you have a lot of good ideas and it would be a great thing if you develop your writing to a higher caliber for more ease of read and also for clarity.
This also could be edited to remove redundancies and develop the thesis more fully.
Again, I will be happy to give a full critique, line by line, if you wish for the help. Based on the past, I am not confident yet that the critique would be well-received, even though it is well-intended.
I totally agree with the premise of this write, which reminds me of Lao Tzu's famous quote from the Tao-te-Ching:
"Those who speak, do not know; those who know, do not speak."
I sincerely hope you acquire the inspiration to develop the craft of writing as much as you passionately develop insightful ideas in your own mind. The key to communication is to delve into your mind, find those kernels of wisdom and then jump out of your own mind and consider your audience...
Best wishes,
rd
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
Comment from denhagan
This was an interesting short story to read, which held my attention all the way through, about how a wise man will tell only what is necessary and required.
|
This was an interesting short story to read, which held my attention all the way through, about how a wise man will tell only what is necessary and required.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the thought provoking read. It sure lets me know where I stand in the thick of things.
Thanks for the read!
|
Thanks for the thought provoking read. It sure lets me know where I stand in the thick of things.
Thanks for the read!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
Comment from William Walz
Some say there is nothing new under the sun, and I guess that applies here as well. There is nothing remarkable or extraordinary about your message, and can be reduced to basically an exercise in common sense. The writing itself is far too wordy and could be trimmed considerably to good effect.
|
Some say there is nothing new under the sun, and I guess that applies here as well. There is nothing remarkable or extraordinary about your message, and can be reduced to basically an exercise in common sense. The writing itself is far too wordy and could be trimmed considerably to good effect.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
Comment from elchupakabra
tells what true - tells what is true
at right time - at the right time
This is a good piece, I really enjoy the construct of the piece, the way it juxtaposes the true and untrue, the wise and unwise, so on and so forth. The questioning prose is indicative of your voice, and you present your theme well within the linework. Great work on this piece, thanks for sharing.
|
tells what true - tells what is true
at right time - at the right time
This is a good piece, I really enjoy the construct of the piece, the way it juxtaposes the true and untrue, the wise and unwise, so on and so forth. The questioning prose is indicative of your voice, and you present your theme well within the linework. Great work on this piece, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Self improvement Non Fiction, touch me very close. I've been in this area for years. This write has a lot of truths that are easily agreeable with what you've written. Glad to know I'm not alone in this crusade.
GREAT job Alcreator!
:)
|
Self improvement Non Fiction, touch me very close. I've been in this area for years. This write has a lot of truths that are easily agreeable with what you've written. Glad to know I'm not alone in this crusade.
GREAT job Alcreator!
:)
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
Comment from fairy77
These are words to live by:)Well done with this piece you had some beautiful quotes.I enjoyed it and thank you for this piece.Nice job!beth fairy77.
|
These are words to live by:)Well done with this piece you had some beautiful quotes.I enjoyed it and thank you for this piece.Nice job!beth fairy77.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
Comment from JLPuckett
I think you have a good start here, but for me, that's all it seems to be. A start. I suggest making each paragraph longer and explaining your points in greater detail. However, if you decide to keep it short, I would make it even shorter and cut some of the of the wordy bits. Also, since three of your six paragraphs start with "man," I suggest making it uniform and doing that with all of them.
Overall, I just think there needs to be more detail and less wordiness. Make it clearer. I think this has a good direction, it just doesn't feel finished to me.
|
I think you have a good start here, but for me, that's all it seems to be. A start. I suggest making each paragraph longer and explaining your points in greater detail. However, if you decide to keep it short, I would make it even shorter and cut some of the of the wordy bits. Also, since three of your six paragraphs start with "man," I suggest making it uniform and doing that with all of them.
Overall, I just think there needs to be more detail and less wordiness. Make it clearer. I think this has a good direction, it just doesn't feel finished to me.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
Comment from Thatguypk
I hope I'm telling you the right thing in the right place at the right time in the right manner, and although I do stand to receive personal gain in the form of member dollars for expressing my opinion, this is not my primary reason for passing comment on your wonderful piece of philosophy. :-)
A very enjoyable read, and profoundly true.
|
I hope I'm telling you the right thing in the right place at the right time in the right manner, and although I do stand to receive personal gain in the form of member dollars for expressing my opinion, this is not my primary reason for passing comment on your wonderful piece of philosophy. :-)
A very enjoyable read, and profoundly true.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013