Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "A Graveyard Moon"Murder Mystery
57 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
An absorbing story that kept me glued, Bev. I love the storyline and your flow of action is wonderful. Another reviewer already mentioned the ellipsis and grammar things I saw...and I know you'll fix them so no ding.
Karyn :>)
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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An absorbing story that kept me glued, Bev. I love the storyline and your flow of action is wonderful. Another reviewer already mentioned the ellipsis and grammar things I saw...and I know you'll fix them so no ding.
Karyn :>)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, Karyn, for a great review. Yes, JW has very kindly pointed me in the correct direction. Much appreciate the support, my friend. Xxx Bev
Comment from Gungalo
Oh this is one smart killer isn't it? He is playing on the knowledge of the priest. Perhaps that will be his downfall? It's really good girl.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Oh this is one smart killer isn't it? He is playing on the knowledge of the priest. Perhaps that will be his downfall? It's really good girl.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thanks, Gungalo. You're really kind to read my chapter and send along such a great review. Much appreciated! Bev
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My pleasure.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this si very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter of the book where the police officers process the crime scene and calls the priest in for input
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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this si very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter of the book where the police officers process the crime scene and calls the priest in for input
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thank you, sweetwoodjax. I really appreciate your support for my new book. Thank you for taking time out read and send along such a nice review. Blessings, Bev
Comment from JW
Question - in using the line:
I want the area around the Padget home sealed tighter than a duck's ass.
Seeing how ducks lay eggs - how tight could that be? LOL
Overall, this is a good chapter. It holds the reader's interest, is quite realistic, and does a good job of progressing the storyline.
However, you may want to review the following items:
Father Brian briefly descrbed (described)
Were they seeking approval..or possibly..absolution? Instead of using two dots for a pause - I would recommend either using commas or ellipses
"Besides Newstead..that's correct, Sir." Ditto.
"Good...very good. When using ellipses it is recommended to have a blank space before and after them.
There's something...ah...weird about the body. Ditto
re left alone...he's waiting in the victim's...in Mrs. Padget's...bedroom - Ditto
Standing at one end - there are two spaces between Standing and at.
It occured (occurred) to him that
His latest recruit - bricks for brains and a need to prove the uniform makes the man. -> His latest recruit had bricks ...
If I may - I would like to recommend downloading and installing the Office Suite called LibreOffice. It's an MS Office compatible program. However, not only is it freeware, it also has a great word processor called Writer that has once of the best spelling and grammar checkers I have seen, that you don't have to pay for. You can find the office suite at www.LibreOffice.org.
Incidentally, I tend to use it far more than MS Office 2007. JW
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Question - in using the line:
I want the area around the Padget home sealed tighter than a duck's ass.
Seeing how ducks lay eggs - how tight could that be? LOL
Overall, this is a good chapter. It holds the reader's interest, is quite realistic, and does a good job of progressing the storyline.
However, you may want to review the following items:
Father Brian briefly descrbed (described)
Were they seeking approval..or possibly..absolution? Instead of using two dots for a pause - I would recommend either using commas or ellipses
"Besides Newstead..that's correct, Sir." Ditto.
"Good...very good. When using ellipses it is recommended to have a blank space before and after them.
There's something...ah...weird about the body. Ditto
re left alone...he's waiting in the victim's...in Mrs. Padget's...bedroom - Ditto
Standing at one end - there are two spaces between Standing and at.
It occured (occurred) to him that
His latest recruit - bricks for brains and a need to prove the uniform makes the man. -> His latest recruit had bricks ...
If I may - I would like to recommend downloading and installing the Office Suite called LibreOffice. It's an MS Office compatible program. However, not only is it freeware, it also has a great word processor called Writer that has once of the best spelling and grammar checkers I have seen, that you don't have to pay for. You can find the office suite at www.LibreOffice.org.
Incidentally, I tend to use it far more than MS Office 2007. JW
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Hi, Jonathon. Haha..I knew someone would take issue with my analogy. Actually, a 'duck's ass' is used here to indicate impermeable. And I really appreciate the advice on the punctuation and site referral. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Sherry Asbury
It is very believable that law enforcement officers and other educated people would recognize the host. He might also recognize a Sioux relic or some such. You write a very good story here...I could see it being in print. It is my fave kind of reading. I am anxious to see the next part of this!!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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It is very believable that law enforcement officers and other educated people would recognize the host. He might also recognize a Sioux relic or some such. You write a very good story here...I could see it being in print. It is my fave kind of reading. I am anxious to see the next part of this!!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, Sherry. I added the author's note because I'm always cognizant that this site includes people from all around the world. But, I do appreciate you confirming that the clue would be likely to be recognized. And, thanks so much for the great review. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Most protestant churches hold communion at least once a month. Some do it once a week. Anyway, I enjoyed your descriptions and the pace. You are doing a good job.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Most protestant churches hold communion at least once a month. Some do it once a week. Anyway, I enjoyed your descriptions and the pace. You are doing a good job.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Hi, barbara. Yes, I do understand that other churches offer communion. Thanks for your review and support! Bev
Comment from Rob Caudle
Wow you continue to Impress this was a fast read with a great hook. Full of detail and emotion I am totally hooked and am disappointed there is not more for me to read I loved the pace, the dialogue, the scene making great wordsmithing here. If I had a six, still to give you I would. Great read you have captured the priest, the sheriff and his officers superbly. Were you a cop in a past life? Well done.
Loved this line
Sealed tighter than a duck's ass.{ i wish I had written this one}
Rob
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Wow you continue to Impress this was a fast read with a great hook. Full of detail and emotion I am totally hooked and am disappointed there is not more for me to read I loved the pace, the dialogue, the scene making great wordsmithing here. If I had a six, still to give you I would. Great read you have captured the priest, the sheriff and his officers superbly. Were you a cop in a past life? Well done.
Loved this line
Sealed tighter than a duck's ass.{ i wish I had written this one}
Rob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Hi, Rob. Thank you so much for this wonderful review, my friend. I am especially honored as I admire your ability to create characters that come to life. And I do very much appreciate the virtual six.
I've read so many murder mysteries and watch crime shows almost religiously (no pun intended) I'm probably channelling at this point. But thanks for noticing.
Warm regards, Bev
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your are welcome it was a great read