The Gypsy's Timepiece.
Always be kind to strangers... or else!50 total reviews
Comment from Erik McGinley
Very well written story, one of many that I have read of this type over the years.
When I was younger, they were simply stories. Even when I had met people like this.
It's not really the focus of your story but it most makes me think of women, mostly though some men, who, hypocrits by nature, demand courtesy beneath the threat of a stick, demand obeisance on pain of being stabbed in the back.
Gypsy, witch or wise woman as these may construe themselves to be, preaching empty decency, they curse only themselves, their children and their children's children with each malevolent thought they think.
"Spare the innocent!", they cry. Yet the crone raises the child in her own image.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Very well written story, one of many that I have read of this type over the years.
When I was younger, they were simply stories. Even when I had met people like this.
It's not really the focus of your story but it most makes me think of women, mostly though some men, who, hypocrits by nature, demand courtesy beneath the threat of a stick, demand obeisance on pain of being stabbed in the back.
Gypsy, witch or wise woman as these may construe themselves to be, preaching empty decency, they curse only themselves, their children and their children's children with each malevolent thought they think.
"Spare the innocent!", they cry. Yet the crone raises the child in her own image.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Exactly, Erik, for she is no better than he, is she?
Thanks for the intelligent feedback and exceptional rating, my friend. All are greatly appreciated!
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Hmm I didnt really read that much into the priest in the story.
I went to a Jesuit school and so was taught by priests. They do have that sort of conscience as you represented it but I doubt they would pay much heed to an old woman full of her own ego.
Of course that's not your message and the school church was full of nice old ladies who would care as the priests did, more for kindness and decency than malevolence or spite.
Comment from sibhus
This was pretty good and fit the requirements of the contest really well. I also thought it had a good pace that really kept your interest with a real sense of suspense as to weither he would make it or not. This makes for an excellent entry for the contest and good luck.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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This was pretty good and fit the requirements of the contest really well. I also thought it had a good pace that really kept your interest with a real sense of suspense as to weither he would make it or not. This makes for an excellent entry for the contest and good luck.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thank you for your encouraging review, sibhus. I appreciate it!
Comment from layoung
This story was very well written. I enjoyed the subject matter, everyone loves a good gypsy and a curse. It was a bit too predictable however, and slight done to the old woman was difficult to believe. She lifted the curse because the boy cried but it doesn't seem lie the tears were sincere, shed more from frustration and fear of death than from true regret.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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This story was very well written. I enjoyed the subject matter, everyone loves a good gypsy and a curse. It was a bit too predictable however, and slight done to the old woman was difficult to believe. She lifted the curse because the boy cried but it doesn't seem lie the tears were sincere, shed more from frustration and fear of death than from true regret.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thanks for sharing your comments with me on this story, layoung.
I think you sell the old woman a bit short. She was no dummy, although she was very old. She sensed his tears of sorrow were genuine, and could tell by the look in his eyes he was being genuine, as we all can when faced with someone crying. Women like her, with her powers and "gifts" can see beyond what mere mortals like you and I can see. The fact that he gave up his life as an explorer and became a priest shows us he was, in fact, very remorseful as well as sincere.
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Yes, I see , good points, all.
Comment from kiwijenny
Spooky and feel goody at the same time...........
I like the imagery of the eye....it seems strange to me that a callous young cad was also a psychic ..but this was an intriguing read that held my attention
God bless and good luck
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Spooky and feel goody at the same time...........
I like the imagery of the eye....it seems strange to me that a callous young cad was also a psychic ..but this was an intriguing read that held my attention
God bless and good luck
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thanks, kiwijenny. I have since changed him from a 'spiritualist' in the story, to a 'well-traveled explorer'. I truly appreciate the input, feedback and encouraging review.
Comment from Sonaleeka
Very much interesting for reader to read. I loved the writing along with story flow.very much worth reading . Thanks for sharing.
Have a nice weekend.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Very much interesting for reader to read. I loved the writing along with story flow.very much worth reading . Thanks for sharing.
Have a nice weekend.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thanks for the kind review, Sonaleeka. You have a nice weekend yourself.
Comment from chasennov
"The Gypsy's Timepiece." I found this story you have created here very interesting to read, and even more interesting was the contemplation of the entire experience. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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"The Gypsy's Timepiece." I found this story you have created here very interesting to read, and even more interesting was the contemplation of the entire experience. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thanks you very much, chasennov. I'm very happy to know that you did.
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You're welcome.
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed this creepy story from beginning to end, the narrative captured my attention straight away, and swept me along creating and maintaining the tension throughout the work! The characters and their identity where defined well in the start, leaving the way to be involved in the story, just the right amount angst written into this good work! Good luck, Blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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I enjoyed this creepy story from beginning to end, the narrative captured my attention straight away, and swept me along creating and maintaining the tension throughout the work! The characters and their identity where defined well in the start, leaving the way to be involved in the story, just the right amount angst written into this good work! Good luck, Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thanks for such an encouraging review, Roy. I truly appreciate it! Blessings to you & yours as well.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi the author,
A 'ghost story' with a neat twist I think. The gypsies make many claims to 'difference' chief among them being their assertion they are not the children of Eve and therefore not subject to the 'curse' on her and her children. I have found it fascinating that in many parts of Europe it was the custom until quite recently to dress small boys as girls until they were too big to be stolen and turned into 'climbing boys' for chimney sweeps. This is one of the chief reasons the gypsies are hated and feared in many places, since it was they who stole children for various 'trades'.
Good story though, I liked the ending. We should all practice the simple rule of treating everyone as we would wish them to treat us.
Patrick
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Hi the author,
A 'ghost story' with a neat twist I think. The gypsies make many claims to 'difference' chief among them being their assertion they are not the children of Eve and therefore not subject to the 'curse' on her and her children. I have found it fascinating that in many parts of Europe it was the custom until quite recently to dress small boys as girls until they were too big to be stolen and turned into 'climbing boys' for chimney sweeps. This is one of the chief reasons the gypsies are hated and feared in many places, since it was they who stole children for various 'trades'.
Good story though, I liked the ending. We should all practice the simple rule of treating everyone as we would wish them to treat us.
Patrick
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Your review is very encouraging, thank you, Patrick. Yes, gypsies were known for stealing lots of things, up to and including children at times. Townsfolk cringed when gypsy caravans rolled into town.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is very good. Nicely written with an original story idea, a message/moral even included. The old woman and the cursed man are both knowable and in the end even likable. My kind of story. Good luck! :)
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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This is very good. Nicely written with an original story idea, a message/moral even included. The old woman and the cursed man are both knowable and in the end even likable. My kind of story. Good luck! :)
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Phyllis, I'm really glad you enjoyed the story. As for the contest, well...let's just say it appears as if I'll need all of the luck that I can get.
Thanks so much again...
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I see you are tied for first place at 5-5 now. Nail biting time! I voted for you, so I'm rooting too! :)
Comment from LIJ Red
Maybe Hitler's determined effort to exterminate the gypsies
was another sign of the many devils he carried within. Not a bad supernatural yarn, though the manifestations are not
stylishly subtle. I rather like it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Maybe Hitler's determined effort to exterminate the gypsies
was another sign of the many devils he carried within. Not a bad supernatural yarn, though the manifestations are not
stylishly subtle. I rather like it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks, LIJ Red. I appreciate that, my friend.