A Devil's Triangle
Ripped from the headlines...62 total reviews
Comment from emrpoems
Very glad that this is not personal.
Enjoyed reading this poem from the expert.
Good culminating lines for such a poem. Don't have any more sixes
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Very glad that this is not personal.
Enjoyed reading this poem from the expert.
Good culminating lines for such a poem. Don't have any more sixes
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Thank you, emr! I'm VERY glad, too, no matter which one I'd have been. It doesn't end well for ANY of the cast.
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
This is exceptional: the story behind the story. Strong insight, strong response. This is written the way I like to read 'm: full of emotion, no sing song lullaby. A perfect cadence for reading aloud, trochees or no trochees. Dramatic, it's Sunday morning and Dylan Thomas is doing the preaching. Kenny
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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This is exceptional: the story behind the story. Strong insight, strong response. This is written the way I like to read 'm: full of emotion, no sing song lullaby. A perfect cadence for reading aloud, trochees or no trochees. Dramatic, it's Sunday morning and Dylan Thomas is doing the preaching. Kenny
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend. You and I are most definitely on the same page with what we like, and I truly appreciate your excellent praise and the Dylan Thomas reference. Love his work. David
Comment from A Jesterstear
Nothing personal, thank god for that. Another great sonnet big M. A crime of passion... in times gone by there is a good chance you could have got away with that... if you lived in France. It deserves a six but none left again. A great little story wrapped up in a poem about something that has probably crossed a lot of peoples minds. Great write. AJ.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Nothing personal, thank god for that. Another great sonnet big M. A crime of passion... in times gone by there is a good chance you could have got away with that... if you lived in France. It deserves a six but none left again. A great little story wrapped up in a poem about something that has probably crossed a lot of peoples minds. Great write. AJ.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Namely Corsica, right, AJ? ;-) I appreciate the virtual sixer, my friend, and gratefully accept it. Thanks so much, as always. You bring value in all of your reviews with your insights, my man.
Comment from Kingsland
Three can be a crowd when only two are needed. I liked the story telling mode of this piece of poetry. It was well written in an excellent poetic voice. I enjoyed reading and writing these comments for it... John
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Three can be a crowd when only two are needed. I liked the story telling mode of this piece of poetry. It was well written in an excellent poetic voice. I enjoyed reading and writing these comments for it... John
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Thanks very much, John. Unfortunately, there's only one left alive after this one.
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Quite the disturbing observation you have penned here. You are good at this observational stuff, wish I could do that. Love how you tie the first line to the last with him stamping the ground and then being sacked and interred, very nicely done. Very clever. Did you start at the beginning or did you start at the end with this one? Just curious how you did that so well.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Quite the disturbing observation you have penned here. You are good at this observational stuff, wish I could do that. Love how you tie the first line to the last with him stamping the ground and then being sacked and interred, very nicely done. Very clever. Did you start at the beginning or did you start at the end with this one? Just curious how you did that so well.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, dear JL. I think YOU can write observational. Take notes, and then construct. Simple as that and you have the talent to do it.
For me, at least with this one, I started at the beginning, but I had the conceit in mind. Luckily, it was simply a matter of introducing him stamping the ground, then introducing the "conflict", then the "turn", and then the couplet to tie it up.
I really appreciate the sixer, JL. Much love to you.
DNB
Comment from joeakeefe
You deliver this message with great effect. There is a graphic potency to the line "Surprised to find you two would share a ditch." And the last line of the work drives home the finality that the previous lines describe .
As Anthony says in Julius Caesar:" Mischief, thou art afoot."
It certainly was in this case.
Enjoyed!
joeakeefe
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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You deliver this message with great effect. There is a graphic potency to the line "Surprised to find you two would share a ditch." And the last line of the work drives home the finality that the previous lines describe .
As Anthony says in Julius Caesar:" Mischief, thou art afoot."
It certainly was in this case.
Enjoyed!
joeakeefe
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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I love your Shakespearean references, my friend, as it reminds me of my Tuesday/Thursday 8am Shakespeare classes in Chapel Hill.
Thanks so much for your great review, Joe! I appreciate it!
David
Comment from vickib
Hi David see what happens when the pendulum swings too far one way, it swings back just as hard the other way. The war in tug of war. Is this a win win? Lol! You keep writing these kind of sonnets, I might start loving them. They feel modern. Are you talking vertebrates when you say S1 and L3, my L5 is shot! Lol! Kidding kidding. I always joke when I'm dense, I try to cover like I know what I'm talking about.
Love the disheveled bric a brac
One a serious note-this tells a sad story and does happen unfortunately.
Hey this would have been a great one for story in a poem contest. I have no doubt you have many more up your sleeve though.
XO
V
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Hi David see what happens when the pendulum swings too far one way, it swings back just as hard the other way. The war in tug of war. Is this a win win? Lol! You keep writing these kind of sonnets, I might start loving them. They feel modern. Are you talking vertebrates when you say S1 and L3, my L5 is shot! Lol! Kidding kidding. I always joke when I'm dense, I try to cover like I know what I'm talking about.
Love the disheveled bric a brac
One a serious note-this tells a sad story and does happen unfortunately.
Hey this would have been a great one for story in a poem contest. I have no doubt you have many more up your sleeve though.
XO
V
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Vicki. I don't really enter the contests, or I haven't thus far. I doubt I will, but I appreciate the suggestion.
Sorry about your L5! My 6 and 7 are always grouchy. ;-)
Seriously, though, S1 means Stanza One, and L3 means Line three. It's a way to identify exactly where I'm referring to, like longitude and latitude. I hope that makes sense.
David
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Thank you David, I know a little about sonnets but its the da dum da dum I can't get through my head. Its so weird but I've learned you can hear it or you can't. I'm just jealous and frustrated when I try. But I'm determined also. I'd love, love to be able to get it.
Comment from Hadria
Chillingly good! And I am way out of my league presuming to find anything wrong in this clever, concise sonnet. Could you explain what exactly a metrical substitution is? I can't see it......or is it the extra syllables? I'd love to be able to write like that. The last two lines are unforgettable and sum up the whole sad story. Hadria
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Chillingly good! And I am way out of my league presuming to find anything wrong in this clever, concise sonnet. Could you explain what exactly a metrical substitution is? I can't see it......or is it the extra syllables? I'd love to be able to write like that. The last two lines are unforgettable and sum up the whole sad story. Hadria
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Hadria, for the sixer, and for your good questions!
A metrical substitution is when you alter a line from strict iambic pentameter (or whatever meter you're using). In this case, in S1, L3, I started the line with a trochee (DAdum sound) verses an iamb (daDUM). A metrical line in I.P. is five iambs (daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM). As to the extra syllable, that's what they call an extra unstressed syllable at the end of a line, and it's permitted as a met sub, so in cases like that you'll have eleven syllables.
Does all of that make sense? For that sixer, you deserve a complete answer to your satisfaction. :)
David
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Many thanks for taking the time to explain very clearly something I've always wondered about. x Hadria
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Anytime, Hadria. Thanks for asking! David
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the sonnet rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with cats/hats...bitch/ditch. Good alliteration with head/hung...bric/brac...sweaters/shoes/stacks...cozy/condo... Good rhythm and flow. I see no errors or anything that needs adjusting. Good work.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Good use of the sonnet rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with cats/hats...bitch/ditch. Good alliteration with head/hung...bric/brac...sweaters/shoes/stacks...cozy/condo... Good rhythm and flow. I see no errors or anything that needs adjusting. Good work.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, RR.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
An unusual sonnet, perfectly executed with a couple of female endings. It is well told and has a bitter, brutal edge to it as you would expect in the circumstances. The state of the man in your words is good, so upset he wondered whether 'It was a virus or a fevered wrath'. The passage in italics is good. And in the end just a heap of broken hearts. Very good. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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An unusual sonnet, perfectly executed with a couple of female endings. It is well told and has a bitter, brutal edge to it as you would expect in the circumstances. The state of the man in your words is good, so upset he wondered whether 'It was a virus or a fevered wrath'. The passage in italics is good. And in the end just a heap of broken hearts. Very good. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 19-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2014
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Thanks very much, Dorothy. I appreciate your thoughts and your review.