Steve's Poems for Kids
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Our trolley"A collection of my children's poems
51 total reviews
Comment from hifein
this is really good. rhyming scheme is excellent and is certainly is a noisy and cacophonous exposition on your 'trolley' -- i do think you were supposed to limit this to twelve lines. i don't know how strict the rules of the contest are. but a good job.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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this is really good. rhyming scheme is excellent and is certainly is a noisy and cacophonous exposition on your 'trolley' -- i do think you were supposed to limit this to twelve lines. i don't know how strict the rules of the contest are. but a good job.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Cariboubill
The subject and spirit of this poem fit the cacophony requirements. The Rhyme scheme is also well done. The poem gives me the spirit of the youths competing with cocky assurance in the competition. Well done.
...Bill
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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The subject and spirit of this poem fit the cacophony requirements. The Rhyme scheme is also well done. The poem gives me the spirit of the youths competing with cocky assurance in the competition. Well done.
...Bill
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Bill
Steve
Comment from Caressa_08
Very descriptive & very much enjoyed it..Felt I was there watching & hearing this trolley, & yes cheering this trolley on to the finish line. Think poem is appropriate for a child or anyone.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Very descriptive & very much enjoyed it..Felt I was there watching & hearing this trolley, & yes cheering this trolley on to the finish line. Think poem is appropriate for a child or anyone.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Giglbx1
This is an excellent poem! It was fun to read and put smile on my face. I loved how you ended each stanza- "ding, dong dang. Bonk, bunk, bink,..,"
I don't know how picky people are as far as the rules for the contest, but I personally enjoyed ALL the stanzas and was left wanting more. Nice job and good luck.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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This is an excellent poem! It was fun to read and put smile on my face. I loved how you ended each stanza- "ding, dong dang. Bonk, bunk, bink,..,"
I don't know how picky people are as far as the rules for the contest, but I personally enjoyed ALL the stanzas and was left wanting more. Nice job and good luck.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
Was surprised to see the picture, as I was imagining a Trolley Car (bus). Yes, you have exceeded the number of lines to qualify. I suggest that YOU remove that third stanza instead of asking your readers to 'omit' it? :) Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Was surprised to see the picture, as I was imagining a Trolley Car (bus). Yes, you have exceeded the number of lines to qualify. I suggest that YOU remove that third stanza instead of asking your readers to 'omit' it? :) Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Dacker
Who care about the number of lines...this Is a sweet poem. You nailed the voice, rhythm and the flow. You place the reader there watching...Nice To read in the morning or anytime. Dan
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Who care about the number of lines...this Is a sweet poem. You nailed the voice, rhythm and the flow. You place the reader there watching...Nice To read in the morning or anytime. Dan
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Dan, thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars - much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from mumsyone
Oh, your poem is so great, but it does exceed the line limit. Not for reviewers to omit a stanza (even in our imaginations). I hope you will eliminate one stanza so that it qualifies for the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Oh, your poem is so great, but it does exceed the line limit. Not for reviewers to omit a stanza (even in our imaginations). I hope you will eliminate one stanza so that it qualifies for the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thank you
Steve
Comment from Galactia
Hey this is an excellent Cacophony Poem you have composed, and go go mobile looks fab. This was a very fun read. To be honest, I would delete the 4th stanza before the contest starts.
Great job and GL
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Hey this is an excellent Cacophony Poem you have composed, and go go mobile looks fab. This was a very fun read. To be honest, I would delete the 4th stanza before the contest starts.
Great job and GL
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Tia
Steve
Comment from Walu Feral
Hahahahaha! Great job, I am the worlds biggest kid and I loved it. If it upsets anyone tell 'em to bugger of and grow up! I'll stay a kid, good job. Cheers Fez.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Hahahahaha! Great job, I am the worlds biggest kid and I loved it. If it upsets anyone tell 'em to bugger of and grow up! I'll stay a kid, good job. Cheers Fez.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Hey, how about a trolley derby down the Gillies?!
Thanks for the review.
Steve
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I am a bit old for trolley derby's down the range these days but i got booked a fews years ago for riding a horse down the range drunk. Me not the horse. Might try a cow next time lol.
Comment from barkingdog
So clever and jaunty. I love the noisy story of this derby race. What a great picture to represent the clang,rattle, claptrap clink, wham-bam slam and jim jam jolt of this whiz-bing bang of a story-poem.
Marvelous rhyming quatrains and even tempo delight the reader. It flows smoothly and is a pleasure to read.
I haven't read a poem that is so much fun in long time.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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So clever and jaunty. I love the noisy story of this derby race. What a great picture to represent the clang,rattle, claptrap clink, wham-bam slam and jim jam jolt of this whiz-bing bang of a story-poem.
Marvelous rhyming quatrains and even tempo delight the reader. It flows smoothly and is a pleasure to read.
I haven't read a poem that is so much fun in long time.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thanks, bd - yep, I had lots of fun with this one.
Thanks for the six stars too.
Steve
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Did you win?
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Tied for first even though I broke the rules by writing too many ljnes....
Steve
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Congratulations.
Boo to too many lines. A post isn't finished until it's finished.