Her secret
a short story about love for sale53 total reviews
Comment from Amfunny
This is nicely written and it makes me feel like I am her and can feel all that she is feeling. That is good. Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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This is nicely written and it makes me feel like I am her and can feel all that she is feeling. That is good. Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Thank you, your comment is truoy appreciated
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
Wow what a sad story. Pity the men who seemingly need this artificial consummation. Very well written with such poignant feelings. Too many time we humans become the least of the animal kingdom.
Dave
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Wow what a sad story. Pity the men who seemingly need this artificial consummation. Very well written with such poignant feelings. Too many time we humans become the least of the animal kingdom.
Dave
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Thank you , I am very happy you liked it, i had doubts about posting it...
Comment from Serri
Definitely meets the "well defined character" criteria. I got her story with every single word. And only 16 spoken words, by the "other" character. Wow. I wanted to keep reading from the first sentence on, and those words could have taken the story in many directions. I like the direction you took it. At first I didn't know if I liked the part about "God...nothing for her"...so I reread the story and understood why it had to be that way...A very real person saying it how it is for her. Believable, palpable. Great Job!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Definitely meets the "well defined character" criteria. I got her story with every single word. And only 16 spoken words, by the "other" character. Wow. I wanted to keep reading from the first sentence on, and those words could have taken the story in many directions. I like the direction you took it. At first I didn't know if I liked the part about "God...nothing for her"...so I reread the story and understood why it had to be that way...A very real person saying it how it is for her. Believable, palpable. Great Job!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Sheri, Thanks so much...The fact tha you "got" it means everything...That's all a writer can wish for, to make the point clear....
Thanks again :)
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:)
Comment from L.lora
Very heavy hitting true to life, definitely reflects the empty eyed stares that come from some of the highest paid. No answers to the questions always asked, why? Very sad, very poignant and extremely well written without being graphically detailed, a clear sign of the mature writer in you. no nits..Lora
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Very heavy hitting true to life, definitely reflects the empty eyed stares that come from some of the highest paid. No answers to the questions always asked, why? Very sad, very poignant and extremely well written without being graphically detailed, a clear sign of the mature writer in you. no nits..Lora
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Lora, thanks so much for your very generous review.
Adina
Comment from Shirley B
This was a very strong poem. I got depressed just reading it. Which is good! I totally felt everything the lady was feeling or not feeling. This is a very good entry for the contest. Good luck. I don't think you need to change anything. Shirley
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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This was a very strong poem. I got depressed just reading it. Which is good! I totally felt everything the lady was feeling or not feeling. This is a very good entry for the contest. Good luck. I don't think you need to change anything. Shirley
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Shirley, thanks a lot, I truly appreciate it...
Comment from legless
what a powerful piece of writing this is. such despair with no sign of hope. you have developed a very strong character which matches the artwork perfectly.
the difference between love and lust is shown here wonderfully well.some beautifully descriptive lines and the flow is superb.
i hope this gets the size of readership it deserves and good luck with the comp. (i won't be entering that's for sure:))
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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what a powerful piece of writing this is. such despair with no sign of hope. you have developed a very strong character which matches the artwork perfectly.
the difference between love and lust is shown here wonderfully well.some beautifully descriptive lines and the flow is superb.
i hope this gets the size of readership it deserves and good luck with the comp. (i won't be entering that's for sure:))
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Thanks so much legless(is there a story behind the name ? if so we might have something to talk about..)
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you're more than welcome.
legless is one of many slang terms for being drunk over here. a remnant of my misspent youth.( a bit longer actually!)
it also alludes to the fact that my wife debbie is wheelchair bound with multiple sclerosis.
it's good to talk:)
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I see, both stories qualify within my realm of being legless :)
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i'm off for a bit now but please drop me a line.
legless@ blueyonder.co.uk or on here of course
watch out though i'm already the antichrist to a few.
Comment from Thesis
This is a very revealing look at the feelings of a woman who is simply used and not loved.
I guess to do that job one must totally distance themselves from themselves. If they allow their body to be used simply for money, it seems like it would be very hard for them to change their mindset with a man who was not paying for sex.
Your character feels foresaken by God, who she believes loves a moth more than her, the broken wing analogy fortifies her feelings of helplessness and despair.
Your last lines, when she gets her hands back after the man leaves allows her to take back control and be in charge.
This is a very powerful story with extremely deep connotations. - Thesis
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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This is a very revealing look at the feelings of a woman who is simply used and not loved.
I guess to do that job one must totally distance themselves from themselves. If they allow their body to be used simply for money, it seems like it would be very hard for them to change their mindset with a man who was not paying for sex.
Your character feels foresaken by God, who she believes loves a moth more than her, the broken wing analogy fortifies her feelings of helplessness and despair.
Your last lines, when she gets her hands back after the man leaves allows her to take back control and be in charge.
This is a very powerful story with extremely deep connotations. - Thesis
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Thank you Thesis, your praise is highly valued. I wasn't sure if I should post the story since it's a little unorthodox but I am happy you liked it....
Comment from MizKat
Your story is written very well. It was filled with deep emotions on the woman's part. To think what she has to go through, then to be able to face herself and others.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Your story is written very well. It was filled with deep emotions on the woman's part. To think what she has to go through, then to be able to face herself and others.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Thank You MizKat. Although it's all fiction, it's meant to make you think :)
Comment from NightWriter
Wow! Talk about a strong character, "Her secret" is just that, one tough one. Well written and captivating, this kept me glued to the screen. Good entry!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2009
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Wow! Talk about a strong character, "Her secret" is just that, one tough one. Well written and captivating, this kept me glued to the screen. Good entry!
Comment Written 06-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2009
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Thank you , I am very happy you liked it, i had doubts about posting it...
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You did a wonderful job describing this woman. I would like to know why she did it.
beautiful"I'm (space needed)
Her body lying next to his (Her body lying beside his.)
close"side-by-side (don't need the ")
uncaring sex"everything (another ")
When use the ... you need a space before them and a space after them
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2009
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You did a wonderful job describing this woman. I would like to know why she did it.
beautiful"I'm (space needed)
Her body lying next to his (Her body lying beside his.)
close"side-by-side (don't need the ")
uncaring sex"everything (another ")
When use the ... you need a space before them and a space after them
Comment Written 06-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2009
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thanks for commenting and the editing advise, it's truly appreciated