The Pool
A Reverie44 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Tony;
-what a wonderful artistically and majestically imagined poem. Your use of demonstratively descriptive metaphors create wonderful expressive imagery that creates a wonderful picture in one's mind. These pictures tell a relative conceptual theme's story which are woven beautifully within the textures of alliteration, "mayfly moments", metaphors and manipulative imagery.
-excellent rhyming for each of the rhyming words are contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each line, therefore, helping the rhythm to flow smoothly, as there wasn't any conflict with the rhyming.
-Although, the belly of this poem is a sad and lamenting one, it is worded in such a way that makes the longing of another remembered in such a beautiful way.
-thanks for sharing this, Tony, take care and have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly.
Alex
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Cheers, Tony;
-what a wonderful artistically and majestically imagined poem. Your use of demonstratively descriptive metaphors create wonderful expressive imagery that creates a wonderful picture in one's mind. These pictures tell a relative conceptual theme's story which are woven beautifully within the textures of alliteration, "mayfly moments", metaphors and manipulative imagery.
-excellent rhyming for each of the rhyming words are contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each line, therefore, helping the rhythm to flow smoothly, as there wasn't any conflict with the rhyming.
-Although, the belly of this poem is a sad and lamenting one, it is worded in such a way that makes the longing of another remembered in such a beautiful way.
-thanks for sharing this, Tony, take care and have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly.
Alex
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Good to hear from you, Alex, and very many thanks both for the six stars and for your comments about the metaphor and rhyming. Much appreciated! Best wishes to you and yours, Tony
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You are most welcome, Tony.
Alex
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Wow Tony! This is a powerful gathering of words and imagery.
I hear the silent pool; its rippled sigh stirs up the muddied depths of memory."
"A swish of fins, a sudden swirl, and splash!
The fragile damsel's lost - a rainbow flash."
I see a rainbow trout jump and dive back into the pond. Then how the ripples spread to reach the shore. The sad part when the Heron grabs the fish and it is taken away and the focus moves on to the sad memory of losing a loved one just that quickly. Beautiful! Nancy
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Wow Tony! This is a powerful gathering of words and imagery.
I hear the silent pool; its rippled sigh stirs up the muddied depths of memory."
"A swish of fins, a sudden swirl, and splash!
The fragile damsel's lost - a rainbow flash."
I see a rainbow trout jump and dive back into the pond. Then how the ripples spread to reach the shore. The sad part when the Heron grabs the fish and it is taken away and the focus moves on to the sad memory of losing a loved one just that quickly. Beautiful! Nancy
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Good to hear from you, Nancy, and very many thanks both for the six stars and for your comments about the imagery. Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rama devi
OUTSTANDING MUSICALITY! Love the imagery and masterful crafting. Bravo! A six.
NOTES
I hear the silent pool; its rippled sigh
stirs up the muddied depths of memory.
Wow, that is such an eloquent opening..elegant too! Love the consonance of P and L and alliteration and consonance of S and M!
The slender reeds vibrate with whispered songs
of you and mayfly moments, long since gone.
Love 'mayfly moments' - nice phrasing! I think the word vibrate might have forced scansion (it may be a matter of diction). Nice medley of S, W and M sounds.
A swish of fins, a sudden swirl, and splash!
The fragile damsel's lost - a rainbow flash.
LOVED reading the above aloud. It sounds like what it describes! Lots of S, W, F and D sounds...delightful!
Concentric circles spread to lap the shore
before the troubled pond is still once more.
Nice imagery and voicing.
The heron's slender figure, etched in greys,
blinks at the ballet legs that hold my gaze,
Love that! I see lots of herons here in Florida. Love the alliterated rhyme pair! Excellent alliteraiton of B and consonance of S and L as well.
Good voicing but needs two commas here (I believe):
and then(,) with lunging speed(,) he thrusts his lance
Love this line:
to pin the skimming dancer in mid-dance,
Great closing note - shifting the tone a bit for a dramatic ending:
just as the fateful sword took you that day,
ere casual, lazy wings bore life away.
Enjoyed this...especially reading aloud (twice!)
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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OUTSTANDING MUSICALITY! Love the imagery and masterful crafting. Bravo! A six.
NOTES
I hear the silent pool; its rippled sigh
stirs up the muddied depths of memory.
Wow, that is such an eloquent opening..elegant too! Love the consonance of P and L and alliteration and consonance of S and M!
The slender reeds vibrate with whispered songs
of you and mayfly moments, long since gone.
Love 'mayfly moments' - nice phrasing! I think the word vibrate might have forced scansion (it may be a matter of diction). Nice medley of S, W and M sounds.
A swish of fins, a sudden swirl, and splash!
The fragile damsel's lost - a rainbow flash.
LOVED reading the above aloud. It sounds like what it describes! Lots of S, W, F and D sounds...delightful!
Concentric circles spread to lap the shore
before the troubled pond is still once more.
Nice imagery and voicing.
The heron's slender figure, etched in greys,
blinks at the ballet legs that hold my gaze,
Love that! I see lots of herons here in Florida. Love the alliterated rhyme pair! Excellent alliteraiton of B and consonance of S and L as well.
Good voicing but needs two commas here (I believe):
and then(,) with lunging speed(,) he thrusts his lance
Love this line:
to pin the skimming dancer in mid-dance,
Great closing note - shifting the tone a bit for a dramatic ending:
just as the fateful sword took you that day,
ere casual, lazy wings bore life away.
Enjoyed this...especially reading aloud (twice!)
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Good to hear from you, RD, and very many thanks both for the six stars and for your detailed commentary. I have added the suggested commas! I also appreciate your comments about the musicality, an element in the forefront of my mind with this one! I was consciously aiming for euphony in the vowel sounds. Best wishes, Tony
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Thanks for your gracious response, Tony. Blessings! rd
Comment from N. Rabwar
This poem subtly crept up on me and took me by surprise. I love how you started by describing a heron fishing and then took it in a completely unexpected direction. The imagery was both beautiful and very original.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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This poem subtly crept up on me and took me by surprise. I love how you started by describing a heron fishing and then took it in a completely unexpected direction. The imagery was both beautiful and very original.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Good to hear from you, N. Rabwar, and very many thanks both for the six stars and for your comments about the imagery. Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Mark Valentine
A wonderful sonnet paying tribute to a wonderful pastime (and more). While I'm not a big fisherman myself, I've done enough of it to appreciate the reverie you describe here with such great imagery. "Mayfly moments", "rainbow flash', and "concentric circles" causing a "trouble pond" are images that any fisherman will be familiar with.
The last couplet introduces an entirely new level to this one. Is the one that was taken by "the fateful sword" a loved one? It makes the reader go back and reinterpret lines like "stirs up the muddied depths of memory", and the fleetingness of phrases like "mayfly moments" take on a more philosophic tone when one is thinking about life in general and not just images on a pond.
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your poem-of-the month for March!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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A wonderful sonnet paying tribute to a wonderful pastime (and more). While I'm not a big fisherman myself, I've done enough of it to appreciate the reverie you describe here with such great imagery. "Mayfly moments", "rainbow flash', and "concentric circles" causing a "trouble pond" are images that any fisherman will be familiar with.
The last couplet introduces an entirely new level to this one. Is the one that was taken by "the fateful sword" a loved one? It makes the reader go back and reinterpret lines like "stirs up the muddied depths of memory", and the fleetingness of phrases like "mayfly moments" take on a more philosophic tone when one is thinking about life in general and not just images on a pond.
Ladies and gentlemen, here is your poem-of-the month for March!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your enthusiastic response and for the sixth star, Craig. Much appreciated, as always. Best wishes Tony.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
On my!!! The lazy days of summer. How I long for them! I remember as a child summer seemed to take forever to get over. Now as an adult it speeds by. I want to go back to the time I can enjoy those long summer days with not a worry.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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On my!!! The lazy days of summer. How I long for them! I remember as a child summer seemed to take forever to get over. Now as an adult it speeds by. I want to go back to the time I can enjoy those long summer days with not a worry.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Many thanks for your review of this, Cailin. It is a poem that seems to have struck a common chord! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Very well done, your words paint a picture of a lovely pond. I live in Florida US and we have tons of retention ponds everywhere. Sadly people are constantly driving into them. We have the worst drivers here. But even though they are man made they team with wildlife. All have alligators and all kinds of birds, most with the long sword beaks as you describe. The is usually fish in the ponds as well, but I have no idea where they come from. The last lines are rather sad about death.
Over all very well done, Roxanna
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Very well done, your words paint a picture of a lovely pond. I live in Florida US and we have tons of retention ponds everywhere. Sadly people are constantly driving into them. We have the worst drivers here. But even though they are man made they team with wildlife. All have alligators and all kinds of birds, most with the long sword beaks as you describe. The is usually fish in the ponds as well, but I have no idea where they come from. The last lines are rather sad about death.
Over all very well done, Roxanna
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thanks, Roxanne. Appreciated! It was interesting to hear about your experiences in Florida. Tony
Comment from karenina
Impressive work! Th me is quickly established, tone is observed yet serene, wordsmith is exceptional...I found myself rereading lines for the sheer joy of it! I look forward to reading more of your work.
Karenina
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Impressive work! Th me is quickly established, tone is observed yet serene, wordsmith is exceptional...I found myself rereading lines for the sheer joy of it! I look forward to reading more of your work.
Karenina
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thanks, Karenina. Very kind of you to say so. Appreciated! Tony
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You are welcome! Karenina
Comment from RodG
I love how you captured the ATMOSPHERE of this "silent pool" as the Speaker "stirs up the muddied depths of memory" and thinks of a woman lost to him now. The poem is rich in imagery, especially your description of the heron's actions and the ripples made by the fish's tail. Unfortunately, Tony, I will never be a fan of AABB rhyming. Rod
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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I love how you captured the ATMOSPHERE of this "silent pool" as the Speaker "stirs up the muddied depths of memory" and thinks of a woman lost to him now. The poem is rich in imagery, especially your description of the heron's actions and the ripples made by the fish's tail. Unfortunately, Tony, I will never be a fan of AABB rhyming. Rod
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thanks, Rod. Glad you enjoyed the atmosphere of this one, despite the AABB rhyming! Appreciated! Tony
Comment from cailinraine8
Really lovely poetry set in a nature-filled presentation of greens and grays... how sweet to visit a pond in the wild and just watch the wildlife...birds, fish and critters that come for a drink or a swim, and in the end it is about survival. I really enjoyed this!
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Really lovely poetry set in a nature-filled presentation of greens and grays... how sweet to visit a pond in the wild and just watch the wildlife...birds, fish and critters that come for a drink or a swim, and in the end it is about survival. I really enjoyed this!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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What a lovely review, Cailin! Many thanks. Best wishes, Tony