Comment from Javed05

Excellent

Don't know how to review this brief piece. Never written such a brief poem. Your piece depicts your thoughts well. Good imagery.Thanks for sharing

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Yes, these shorter forms of poetry aren't easy to assess. All we can do is check the requirements and see if they meet the qualifications, of which this one does. I was trying to steal a laugh, and almost made myself sick. Thanks so much for taking time to read my poem. Your comments and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

Air is the theme and the first line deals with breat so no problem. Then comes the choking, that would be lack of breath so we are still on target for theme, noproblem except for the one who is choking. Swallowing a fly is a horrible feeling probably feels more awful than it really.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Pantygynt, for taking time to read my poem. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I tried to steal a laugh and almost made myself sick. :-)

reply by Pantygynt on 02-Aug-2016

Fly in the pie by 'n' by can do that.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

I liked this one a lot. I have swallowed many a bug in my time... choking is right on the money. Good working within the required syllable count.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much for taking time to read my poem. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I tried to steal a laugh and almost made myself sick. :-)

Comment from Fridayauthor

Excellent

This little poem is certainly different. It catches the reader a bit off balance. It doesn't make you hungry, by any means.

Interesting posting.

Thank you.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Fridayauthor, for taking time to read my poem. Yes, different is saying it politely, thank you. LOL! I tried to steal a laugh and almost made myself sick. Your comments and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from djeckert

Excellent

a this is good, nothing converts something like that yummy pie to something gross like some bug guts. Well done, a strong entry. Good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, DJeckert, for taking time to read my poem. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I tried to steal a laugh and almost made myself sick. :-)

Comment from melyuki

Excellent

hi .. what a fascinating three line verse that really gets the saliva working at the very thought... the creative verse accompanied by the now not so luscious looking pie certainly choked me up.. cheers and best of luck in the contest. mel xx

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Mel, for taking time to read my poem. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I tried to steal a laugh and almost made myself sick. :-)

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written 3-5-3 poem. A surprising breath of fresh air when the fly takes his chance to enter your mouth. He will be quicker out than he went in.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much for taking time to read my poem. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

LOL! What a way to treat a lovely pie, you still wanted more meat!!! This is a great contest entry and so well written. Well done, and I wish you loads of luck, it really was a funny one. :) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, SandraMitchell, for taking time to read my poem. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I tried to steal a laugh and almost made myself sick. :-)

reply by Sandra Stoner-Mitchell on 02-Aug-2016

I bet, lol, well I thought it was the best and voted for you. Good luck, I hope you win. xx

reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, dear lady, much appreciated! I never have a chance, but it's your kind thought that counts. I appreciate you! :-)

Comment from TPAC

Excellent

I sense the humor in this presentation, although somewhat stiff in set write, aspects for stir are present.
Suggest
Deep breath, fresh,
Choked a fly swallowed,
Pie bug guts
Just a view

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you for taking time to read my poem. Your suggestions and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This 3-5-3, Fresh Breath, takes the reader up with the senses and smelling a freshly baked pie, and down with the inhalation of a fly. Nice.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2016

Thank you so much, Bill, for taking time to read my poem. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I tried to be silly and get a laugh, actually almost making myself sick. :-)