A Promise Kept
She never lost her faith.43 total reviews
Comment from jpduck
A most unusual story, I thought. I could not spot any typos or SPAGs -- despite your writing it in a hurry. :-))
Good luck with the contest.
Adrian
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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A most unusual story, I thought. I could not spot any typos or SPAGs -- despite your writing it in a hurry. :-))
Good luck with the contest.
Adrian
Comment Written 26-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you. I was afraid I did a poor job with this story because I rushed it so much. Your words mean so much to me.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well it makes a nice change from the overly religious pieces usually associated with this. I kind of guessed where it was going but I had a couple of questions.
Alaska far from our home in the states - is Alaska not part of the states?
Don't' give up honey, - delete apostrophe after the t.
there is no family allowed in the delivery room at any time - this struck me as odd. Is this the case in America as in the UK I was in for the birth of my daughter.
"What's wrong father", - needs a question mark in here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Hi there,
Well it makes a nice change from the overly religious pieces usually associated with this. I kind of guessed where it was going but I had a couple of questions.
Alaska far from our home in the states - is Alaska not part of the states?
Don't' give up honey, - delete apostrophe after the t.
there is no family allowed in the delivery room at any time - this struck me as odd. Is this the case in America as in the UK I was in for the birth of my daughter.
"What's wrong father", - needs a question mark in here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 26-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you for your input and corrections. I was in a terrible hurry when I wrote this story. You are right, Alaska is a state so I will change state to Michigan. When I had my son in 1969 the fathers were not allowed in the delivery room. I think it is different now. It was just to make the story anyway. Thanks again for the help. You are my favorite reviewer.
Comment from royowen
What a lovely story, on raising children it's so important for parents to keep promises to their children, they will grow up knowing what a promise is. A great testimony to leave behind is this, even though dead the husband was there to see his child born, and encourage his wife to carry on, beautifully written, good characters, great plot, good luck in the contest, blessings, Roy
Typo : begged and plead(ed)
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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What a lovely story, on raising children it's so important for parents to keep promises to their children, they will grow up knowing what a promise is. A great testimony to leave behind is this, even though dead the husband was there to see his child born, and encourage his wife to carry on, beautifully written, good characters, great plot, good luck in the contest, blessings, Roy
Typo : begged and plead(ed)
Comment Written 26-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you. You comments are very much appreciated.
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I most welcome
Comment from Natalie Walker
This is a great story, but I noticed a few grammar mistakes. In the first paragraph, there should be a comma after "me" instead of a semicolon. Semicolons are used to connect two independent clauses, which means each half of the sentence should be able to stand alone. "Always" is not a complete sentence.
In the third paragraph "any more" should be one word. In the fourth paragraph, there should be a comma before "but" and no comma after "me."
In the seventh paragraph, there should be a comma before "but." In the eighth paragraph, "doctors" should have the apostrophe after the "s" because it is plural. There should be a semicolon after anymore.
In the eleventh paragraph, there should be a comma before "but." In the fifteenth paragraph, the comma should go before the quotation mark. In the nineteenth paragraph, the comma should also go inside the quotation.
This is a great story, it just needs to be cleaned up a bit.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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This is a great story, but I noticed a few grammar mistakes. In the first paragraph, there should be a comma after "me" instead of a semicolon. Semicolons are used to connect two independent clauses, which means each half of the sentence should be able to stand alone. "Always" is not a complete sentence.
In the third paragraph "any more" should be one word. In the fourth paragraph, there should be a comma before "but" and no comma after "me."
In the seventh paragraph, there should be a comma before "but." In the eighth paragraph, "doctors" should have the apostrophe after the "s" because it is plural. There should be a semicolon after anymore.
In the eleventh paragraph, there should be a comma before "but." In the fifteenth paragraph, the comma should go before the quotation mark. In the nineteenth paragraph, the comma should also go inside the quotation.
This is a great story, it just needs to be cleaned up a bit.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you, Natalie. I was in a terrible rush when I wrote this last night. I knew there would be some mistakes. I truly appreciate you taking the time to correct for me. I will edit and fix my errors this morning. Hugs to you.
Comment from winnona
This is a really good well-written story. You wrote it well , used just enough detail and good descriptions to bring the story to life for the reader. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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This is a really good well-written story. You wrote it well , used just enough detail and good descriptions to bring the story to life for the reader. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. I was afraid it wouldn't be any good because I rushed it too fast.
Comment from country ranch writer
A FINE PIECE OF WORK HERE ALTHOUGH IT WAS AA SAD DAY IT WAS A MIRACLE YOU GOT TO SEE HIM THERE WITH YOU WHILE YOU HAD THE BABY
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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A FINE PIECE OF WORK HERE ALTHOUGH IT WAS AA SAD DAY IT WAS A MIRACLE YOU GOT TO SEE HIM THERE WITH YOU WHILE YOU HAD THE BABY
Comment Written 26-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you. This is just a fiction story. My husband is very much alive. Glad you enjoyed the stroy.
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so glad of that
Comment from dscheuren
Very well written. It kept my interest to the end. So sorry for the ending but I have no doubt he was there with you. I was so engrossed in your story that I didn't notice any areas that I could recommend corrections. Best wishes to you and your daughter.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Very well written. It kept my interest to the end. So sorry for the ending but I have no doubt he was there with you. I was so engrossed in your story that I didn't notice any areas that I could recommend corrections. Best wishes to you and your daughter.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you. This is just a made up story. My husband is very much alive and I never had a daughter. Glad you enjoyed the story.
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Oh, sorry! Thought it was in the non-fiction contest! LOL Guess I need to read more closely. Have a great Easter.
Comment from MTF1955
I really liked this. I didn't notice any errors but I seldom do once the story has captured my attention. Great job. Mary
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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I really liked this. I didn't notice any errors but I seldom do once the story has captured my attention. Great job. Mary
Comment Written 25-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you. I am so glad you enjoyed the story.
Comment from Mabaker
I'm giving you four stars for only one reason. If you had edited the story and counted the eight times you used the word 'him.' Seven times too many. Surely you could have used his name, or my husband. Please edit your stories. Your tale in itself was good, just overuse of one word spoilt it.
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reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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I'm giving you four stars for only one reason. If you had edited the story and counted the eight times you used the word 'him.' Seven times too many. Surely you could have used his name, or my husband. Please edit your stories. Your tale in itself was good, just overuse of one word spoilt it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you, Mabaker. I can always count on you for a good, honest review. Most reviewers just say great story and don't point out my mistakes. You are right, I have a bad habit of over-using words. I will correct as best I can.
Comment from ndadarose
The story captured my attention immediately because it is so easy to lose faith in people but we still want to give them another chance...especially those we love. The suspense was there from the beginning. Would he keep his word? I feel close to the story because I recently lost one of my sons and he came to me in a dream and gave me a big hug. Do I believe in life after death? Yes I do.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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The story captured my attention immediately because it is so easy to lose faith in people but we still want to give them another chance...especially those we love. The suspense was there from the beginning. Would he keep his word? I feel close to the story because I recently lost one of my sons and he came to me in a dream and gave me a big hug. Do I believe in life after death? Yes I do.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2016
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Thank you. This is just a fiction story but I know where you are coming from. My favorite sister-in-law died and also came back and gave me a hug. It was so real I know it happened.