The Gypsy's Timepiece.
Always be kind to strangers... or else!50 total reviews
Comment from Hareem.S
This is a very good fiction story. The details are very vivid just like they should be in a horror story. The story expresses strong emotions and ends very well
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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This is a very good fiction story. The details are very vivid just like they should be in a horror story. The story expresses strong emotions and ends very well
Comment Written 21-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thank you very much for reviewing my story, Hareem. I appreciate the kind comments and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.
Comment from Twilightspire
A formidable entry into this contest. I love the feeling of old time London you get from reading this tale of redemption and the awe-inspiring evil eye. I love stories like this, it reminds me of the movies Drag me to Hell and Thinner. Also, always be kind to strangers, excellent tag line.
Good luck in the contest.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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A formidable entry into this contest. I love the feeling of old time London you get from reading this tale of redemption and the awe-inspiring evil eye. I love stories like this, it reminds me of the movies Drag me to Hell and Thinner. Also, always be kind to strangers, excellent tag line.
Good luck in the contest.
-T.J.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks, TJ, I really appreciate that. By the looks of things, I'm going to need LOTs of luck.
Comment from Cian Mateo
I expected this to be spooky, but in a very different, ghostly way. Very well written. You had me on the edge of my seat the moment ...'a withered elderly woman is unceremoniously knocked aside...'
Your author notes were very informative.
Thank you for sharing,
and good luck!
Cian
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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I expected this to be spooky, but in a very different, ghostly way. Very well written. You had me on the edge of my seat the moment ...'a withered elderly woman is unceremoniously knocked aside...'
Your author notes were very informative.
Thank you for sharing,
and good luck!
Cian
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks very much for you complimentary review and generous rating, Cian. I appreciate it!
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed this very much. Marvelous story with strong imagery. You kept my full interest from beginning to end. This is a superb entry for this fascinating contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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I enjoyed this very much. Marvelous story with strong imagery. You kept my full interest from beginning to end. This is a superb entry for this fascinating contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Smurphgirlsasha, I'm really glad you found the story well written and entertaining. I also appreciate the well wishes, that was very kind of you.
Comment from eriley74
A solid story, overall. I enjoyed it. My main concern is the shift in POV, at the beginning. It was disconcerting, for a moment. By writing the opening scene in 1st person--maybe introducing the protagonist as a cocky young man--I think you would have a better hook to your story. Also, I found myself equally interested in the little girl who went around his house, knocking on all the windows. That would be most interesting.
The adverbs, few and far between, could be eliminated without losing the tone of the story, if I'm explaining it correctly. Other than that, it's a really good story. Good luck in the contest!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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A solid story, overall. I enjoyed it. My main concern is the shift in POV, at the beginning. It was disconcerting, for a moment. By writing the opening scene in 1st person--maybe introducing the protagonist as a cocky young man--I think you would have a better hook to your story. Also, I found myself equally interested in the little girl who went around his house, knocking on all the windows. That would be most interesting.
The adverbs, few and far between, could be eliminated without losing the tone of the story, if I'm explaining it correctly. Other than that, it's a really good story. Good luck in the contest!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thanks for your comments and review, eriley74, I really appreciate the great feedback. My only defense for the language and what you feel was excessive use of adverbs is that during the times in which this story is set, even common folk spoke and retold stories far more eloquently than we speak today, for the most part. Especially well-traveled men like our hero here. Ever read Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol? Of course you have... haven't you?
Thanks for the good luck wishes too!
Comment from adewpearl
eerie and gruesome description of the old woman after she reveals her impending death
excellent section after he is hospitalized in the mental institution
what a powerful closing
My Italian brother-in-law, a man much older than I, had a great uncle who was Norristown's infamous Evil Eye Killer. He murdered someone, maybe it was an aunt or wife, I forget, because she had given him the Evil Eye. It's amazing how much of what we read in fiction has ties to the real world :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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eerie and gruesome description of the old woman after she reveals her impending death
excellent section after he is hospitalized in the mental institution
what a powerful closing
My Italian brother-in-law, a man much older than I, had a great uncle who was Norristown's infamous Evil Eye Killer. He murdered someone, maybe it was an aunt or wife, I forget, because she had given him the Evil Eye. It's amazing how much of what we read in fiction has ties to the real world :-) Brooke
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Brooke, and you're right, many myths and horror tales are based upon actual events and strange occurrences. But many times, the real world can be far more terrifying than any horror story ever could.
I really appreciate the encouraging review.
Comment from cupa tea
She motions me closer with (a) wag of her bony index finger. Her response is barely more than a garbled whisper.
Very nicely done...I like the additional images you added throughout the story
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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She motions me closer with (a) wag of her bony index finger. Her response is barely more than a garbled whisper.
Very nicely done...I like the additional images you added throughout the story
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thanks for catching the error for me, cupa tea. Edits on the fly, you know, before the contest begins? They get me every time, and I overlooked that, I apologize. Thank you, too, for the encouraging comments. I truly appreciate it!
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Do you know, when a writer is brilliant, it's impossible to camouflage his style if one is an admirer and recognized the author's literary signature.
Even knowing instinctively who wrote this, in and by itself, this is a brilliant story. It burrows deep into the story, into the curse and the characters.
Using pictorial breaks instead of a profusion of linear stars is a clever alternative and adds a great deal to this story.
My only criticism of this superb story is the transition from third person to first person. It took me a moment to accept the woman who was lying on the platform was now on a train with an embroidered cushion under her head. It took a frown and a little longer to understand that the man who pushed past her on the platform was now in the car with the gypsy. A single sentence as you move into first person regarding her obvious recovery from the skirmish would actually be a welcome addition to the reader. I didn't want to think about it, I'd already bought into the scene and the era and found this was a road bump in my total enjoyment. For me, it passed quickly, but then I'm a brilliant, sophisticated literary junkie--not all others are.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Do you know, when a writer is brilliant, it's impossible to camouflage his style if one is an admirer and recognized the author's literary signature.
Even knowing instinctively who wrote this, in and by itself, this is a brilliant story. It burrows deep into the story, into the curse and the characters.
Using pictorial breaks instead of a profusion of linear stars is a clever alternative and adds a great deal to this story.
My only criticism of this superb story is the transition from third person to first person. It took me a moment to accept the woman who was lying on the platform was now on a train with an embroidered cushion under her head. It took a frown and a little longer to understand that the man who pushed past her on the platform was now in the car with the gypsy. A single sentence as you move into first person regarding her obvious recovery from the skirmish would actually be a welcome addition to the reader. I didn't want to think about it, I'd already bought into the scene and the era and found this was a road bump in my total enjoyment. For me, it passed quickly, but then I'm a brilliant, sophisticated literary junkie--not all others are.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks for such a wonderful review, Spiritual Echo, and I have made some alterations to the story based upon your fine suggestions. I was able to change it just before the contest went live, so I really appreciate the help. Thanks too for the exceptional rating. I am very glad that you liked this one, and I'm sure your assistance will prove invaluable to me.
Comment from pafaust
First I have to commend you for the use of the word "portmanteau". I've never heard that word before and had to look it up. I love learning new words. This was an exceptionally well written piece with a valuable message. Your visual imagery was spot on. I especially like the image of the sensations coming back to his body after the Gypsy left. Good job!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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First I have to commend you for the use of the word "portmanteau". I've never heard that word before and had to look it up. I love learning new words. This was an exceptionally well written piece with a valuable message. Your visual imagery was spot on. I especially like the image of the sensations coming back to his body after the Gypsy left. Good job!
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014
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Thanks, pafaust, I really appreciate your detailed review of my story. I'm very glad you enjoyed the message and imagery as well. This story reception has been rather cool, at best thus far. Mine usually are until the contest is over and people see my a=name at the bottom. Kinda' makes me wonder why. I will read something no matter whose name is attached to the work. But, I realize not everyone is me, LOL.
Thanks for the six stars as well. I really appreciate that.
Comment from c_lucas
A true spiritualist does not fear the spiritual world. They have the strength and power to control it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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A true spiritualist does not fear the spiritual world. They have the strength and power to control it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thank you very much for your comments and review, Charlie. It's appreciated!
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You're welcome.
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I axed the 'spiritualist' nomenclature, opting for 'well-traveled explorer' instead.