The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "HIS TURN TO HEAL"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
38 total reviews
Comment from comanalbert
It's a such a great chapter and a great story . It is interesting how the story will continue . Probably with more adventures... I only can wait the next chapters .
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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It's a such a great chapter and a great story . It is interesting how the story will continue . Probably with more adventures... I only can wait the next chapters .
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Good to hear from you again, comanalbert (is Albert your first name?)
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Yes,it is Albert.
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Yes, Albert you can use. Or Coman or both...
Comment from debhuitt
I like fantasy fiction. I like si-fi and things like you have written in your chapter here. The story idea was a good concept. I understood from what I read that this was on another planet, perhaps. This woman was an alien and you had lost your memory. All these points were clearly gathered by me through your excellent talent. There was an overuse of--. It interrupted my thought process as I read. I like to be able to get the whole feeling of a story from the pieces I read. You are such a good writer, I had no problem doing that. You did have a couple of run-on sentences. I have found many writers on FanStory are doing this lately. A thought sometimes is better when we leave out the and's but's and even the word then. Make two sentences out of the concept and it carries more weight. Not trying to be mean, just doing what a reviewer is suppose to do. I feel you have a good story line here. If this is only the third chapter,by all means, write further. Just watch out for those dashes and run-on sentences. Good Luck with your endeavor.
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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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I like fantasy fiction. I like si-fi and things like you have written in your chapter here. The story idea was a good concept. I understood from what I read that this was on another planet, perhaps. This woman was an alien and you had lost your memory. All these points were clearly gathered by me through your excellent talent. There was an overuse of--. It interrupted my thought process as I read. I like to be able to get the whole feeling of a story from the pieces I read. You are such a good writer, I had no problem doing that. You did have a couple of run-on sentences. I have found many writers on FanStory are doing this lately. A thought sometimes is better when we leave out the and's but's and even the word then. Make two sentences out of the concept and it carries more weight. Not trying to be mean, just doing what a reviewer is suppose to do. I feel you have a good story line here. If this is only the third chapter,by all means, write further. Just watch out for those dashes and run-on sentences. Good Luck with your endeavor.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Thank you Deb, for your commentary. You have some good points. Believe it or not, I do understand the uses and abuses of the run ons. I'll reread the chapter with your comments at the ready. I only make grammatical and spelling changes during the posting since I had experiences of editing right in the middle of someone reading it. It went off their screen and I'm not sure she came back after it was edited. What I do is paste it into "Word" and file it under that chapter to review later. thanks again for your loving read.
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Thank you for understanding a review properly. Chow
Comment from c_lucas
It is easier if you could reach in your pocket and bring out a Bic. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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It is easier if you could reach in your pocket and bring out a Bic. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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I never thought of that, Charlie! A Bic, huh? But then all that good description about hunting for rocks and sparking them. Where would all that go?
Thanks, friend,
Jay
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(LOL) It is fine the way you wrote it.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
This is the first I have read of this story and found it to be a riveting tale of adventure. Where, I am not sure, who I am not sure. But... I will be finding out. :-) Axtilla is an interesting person with her amber irises. I hope she lives over the snake bite. Well penned. HE is a great character. Carolyn
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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This is the first I have read of this story and found it to be a riveting tale of adventure. Where, I am not sure, who I am not sure. But... I will be finding out. :-) Axtilla is an interesting person with her amber irises. I hope she lives over the snake bite. Well penned. HE is a great character. Carolyn
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Carolyn, thanks so much for your kind review. I do try to give summaries of previous chapters that bring the readers up to speed. If you can't read the back chapters (and trust me, I understand that!) pull the other two chapters up and read the summaries. Thanks again. Jay
Comment from JB Lynn
Whatever it was, she hadn't planned it to be at a leisurely pace. She had an agenda that she didn't have a need to make me privy to and a time frame to complete it in.
-I like this bit of narration. It lets your reader sort of "fill in the blanks" and work out for themselves that Axtilla must be moving at a quick clip and is far more entertaining than you just telling us that she's moving fast.
With one gripped in each hand, I clomped like an exhausted Clydesdale, slamming one stone hoof and then the other into the soil, pulling myself forward, and then repeating the process, passing the larger rock on my way back to the log and Axtilla.
-Terrific description. I could really "see" this action.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Whatever it was, she hadn't planned it to be at a leisurely pace. She had an agenda that she didn't have a need to make me privy to and a time frame to complete it in.
-I like this bit of narration. It lets your reader sort of "fill in the blanks" and work out for themselves that Axtilla must be moving at a quick clip and is far more entertaining than you just telling us that she's moving fast.
With one gripped in each hand, I clomped like an exhausted Clydesdale, slamming one stone hoof and then the other into the soil, pulling myself forward, and then repeating the process, passing the larger rock on my way back to the log and Axtilla.
-Terrific description. I could really "see" this action.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Thank you SO much for the lovely commentary. Gotta admit I don't know where the Clydesdale image came into my head, but when it did, I held on with both hands. So glad you are back with me on this chapter. Come back again, Please.
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Don't worry...I'm not going anywhere.
Comment from Chocolate Chip
The way you have introduced the characters to your audience keeps us vested in the story. The chapters are written very well & keeps the attention of the reader. Can't wait to continue the adventure!
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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The way you have introduced the characters to your audience keeps us vested in the story. The chapters are written very well & keeps the attention of the reader. Can't wait to continue the adventure!
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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I can't wait to HAVE YOU continue with the novel, Chocolate Chip. You don't know how I appreciate your responses. Thanks again!
Comment from angelface2
Ah, what a place to stop!! Now I'll have to read more. I'm hooked. You did that on purpose, didn't you? Hmm. Well, it is a good story and I can't seem to find any spag. So I probably will be back. LOL. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Ah, what a place to stop!! Now I'll have to read more. I'm hooked. You did that on purpose, didn't you? Hmm. Well, it is a good story and I can't seem to find any spag. So I probably will be back. LOL. Miss Sally
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Miss Sally! I really appreciate your stopping by. I've been known to write cliff-hanger chapters, though this wouldn't be one, since it ends with her saying something. I do hope you come back!
Comment from Ritsal
Well, now we're invested in these two characters and don't want to see Axtilla die. I don't believe they carve an X over snake bites any more, but this guy doesn't know that. I'm reminded of the phrase, Physician, heal thy self wondering if Axtilla has the power to heal herself. I guess we'll find out in the next chapter. Okay, we wanna know...type faster. LOL
bushy area that grew up from the hillside - bushy area growing from the hillside?
I began ripping the brambles, leaves and branches in which she was entangled off her. - suggest: began ripping off the brambles, leaves and branches in which she was entangled.
Best wishes,
Rita
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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Well, now we're invested in these two characters and don't want to see Axtilla die. I don't believe they carve an X over snake bites any more, but this guy doesn't know that. I'm reminded of the phrase, Physician, heal thy self wondering if Axtilla has the power to heal herself. I guess we'll find out in the next chapter. Okay, we wanna know...type faster. LOL
bushy area that grew up from the hillside - bushy area growing from the hillside?
I began ripping the brambles, leaves and branches in which she was entangled off her. - suggest: began ripping off the brambles, leaves and branches in which she was entangled.
Best wishes,
Rita
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Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Yes, Yes, Yes, Rita! I kept reading and rereading that last line, but at last threw up my hands and left it. And you come along: like buttuh! I think I've already given you a "thumbs up" this month. If not, you got one now!
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You're welcome. It's always easier to see things that need fixin' in someone else's story than in your own. I miss things in mine that I would spot in another's. 'Preciate a thumb. Thanks.
Rita
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I already made the change. Your advise was so good that, with full artistic integrity, I cut and pasted it.
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I'm honored. ;)