Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Nagi Moon"Murder Mystery
42 total reviews
Comment from Rob Caudle
Bev,****** The stars this piece deserves, but alas they forbid me from giving you one. You must know how well written this was. The story is so intriguing and a chill thrill ride. I was just a bit confused about the boxing and the scar. I am sure it is either just me because I am still at work or it was intentional and something you will make clear I just love your work.
Rob
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Bev,****** The stars this piece deserves, but alas they forbid me from giving you one. You must know how well written this was. The story is so intriguing and a chill thrill ride. I was just a bit confused about the boxing and the scar. I am sure it is either just me because I am still at work or it was intentional and something you will make clear I just love your work.
Rob
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hi, Rob. Thank you so much!! I sure appreciate you following along so faithfully, and always knowing just what to say to keep me writing! The boxing and scar will come up again later LOL. Hope you're going to get some time to relax, my friend. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from fictionwriter
I loved this. I'm wondering if it were a ghost or someone really there to kill the Father. I can't imagine that he could just diappear like that. Well done
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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I loved this. I'm wondering if it were a ghost or someone really there to kill the Father. I can't imagine that he could just diappear like that. Well done
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thanks so much for your awesome review, fictionwriter. I so appreciate your taking time to read! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Selestia
Very good writing. This is the first chapter I've read, but the plot seems to progress at a nice pace and the characters are well-developed. The figure sitting in the chair by the fire certainly raises lots of natural questions and predictions . . . meaning it keeps the reader's attention.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Very good writing. This is the first chapter I've read, but the plot seems to progress at a nice pace and the characters are well-developed. The figure sitting in the chair by the fire certainly raises lots of natural questions and predictions . . . meaning it keeps the reader's attention.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you much for stopping by, Selestia. Your generosity and support is much appreciated! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write with imagery and needs no edit.YOUR CHApter was enjoyable with a descriptive storyline It was easy to read .Thanks for sharing with me.Mary
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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A good write with imagery and needs no edit.YOUR CHApter was enjoyable with a descriptive storyline It was easy to read .Thanks for sharing with me.Mary
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you very much, Mary Ann. I appreciate your generous review and words of support! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from judiverse
The sheriff is convinced he has seen a man sitting in a chair but Father Brian denies that anyone has been there. I like the fact that the Sheriff wants to get the facts out of Father Brian despite his position. Father decides he's going to tape record the interview just like the Sheriff. Father Brian recalls some of the events that occurred prior to Debra's death and Sheriff asks him about the missing picture. A connection is beginning to form between Debra's and Coach Eisner's retirement. Did they retire because they knew about Monsignor Flaherty, who was convicted on statutory rape charges. Had they known about his crimes and kept silent? Very interesting and spine-tingling. judi
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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The sheriff is convinced he has seen a man sitting in a chair but Father Brian denies that anyone has been there. I like the fact that the Sheriff wants to get the facts out of Father Brian despite his position. Father decides he's going to tape record the interview just like the Sheriff. Father Brian recalls some of the events that occurred prior to Debra's death and Sheriff asks him about the missing picture. A connection is beginning to form between Debra's and Coach Eisner's retirement. Did they retire because they knew about Monsignor Flaherty, who was convicted on statutory rape charges. Had they known about his crimes and kept silent? Very interesting and spine-tingling. judi
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much, Judi. I really appreciate this wonderful and supportive review. Thanks for reading and caring. Hugs, Bev
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You're so welcome. This gave me a chill, especially the spooky part about the person who didn't actually seem to be there. The sheriff isn't one to just imagine things. judi
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Nope, our sheriff is one sharp cookie. Father Brian's got some 'splainin' to do LOL.
Thanks again, Judi.
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You're so welcome, Bev. I'm enjoying the story so much. judi
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Aw, you're so sweet.
Comment from misscookie
Sorry I don't have any six stars
You did it again. Capture my attentiopn
You had me on the edge of my chair.
Wondering if that man was real or a ghost. thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Sorry I don't have any six stars
You did it again. Capture my attentiopn
You had me on the edge of my chair.
Wondering if that man was real or a ghost. thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hi, Miss Cookie. I sure enjoy hearing from you, and appreciate your generous review. Knowing you enjoyed reading it means more than an extra star! Hugs, Bev
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My pleasure have a Gonight.
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You, too, Cookie. Hugs!! Bev
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Will do, have a Godnight
Comment from Shirley McLain
Excellent chapter, full of suspence and tension. It was good reading from beginning to end. I'm looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Excellent chapter, full of suspence and tension. It was good reading from beginning to end. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you much, Okiegal. I always enjoy and appreciate your reviews. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
An exciting chapter, well-paced and full of suspense, despite no real action to speak of. An easy, compelling read. Well done.
A few editing suggestions...
A minute trembling at the corners of his mouth hinted at his exasperation.
I would change this to. "he said, a slight trembling at the corners of his mouth."
"minute'' is confusing, and there's no need to explain the reason for his body language to the reader.
Same thing here. Too much explaining...
The priest reacted defensively, lifting his chin a fraction.
I would change to ''The priest lifted his chin a fraction.''
And again here... The detective was too exhausted to argue the fatalistic attitude of the cleric.
I would change to .. "The detective was too exhausted to argue.''
Just my suggestions. Feel free to ignore. Other than what I've pointed out, this was well paced and full of compelling dialogue and description. Well done! Great cliffhanger break at the end too...
cheers
js
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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An exciting chapter, well-paced and full of suspense, despite no real action to speak of. An easy, compelling read. Well done.
A few editing suggestions...
A minute trembling at the corners of his mouth hinted at his exasperation.
I would change this to. "he said, a slight trembling at the corners of his mouth."
"minute'' is confusing, and there's no need to explain the reason for his body language to the reader.
Same thing here. Too much explaining...
The priest reacted defensively, lifting his chin a fraction.
I would change to ''The priest lifted his chin a fraction.''
And again here... The detective was too exhausted to argue the fatalistic attitude of the cleric.
I would change to .. "The detective was too exhausted to argue.''
Just my suggestions. Feel free to ignore. Other than what I've pointed out, this was well paced and full of compelling dialogue and description. Well done! Great cliffhanger break at the end too...
cheers
js
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hi, Jonathan. Thanks so much for the very helpful review. I struggle with the areas in question, so it's great to know how to improve them. More action to come.
Kind regards, Bev
Comment from RaymondJohn
Sharp dialog that is improved by the use of reactions and movement. Debra Paget was a real movie actress, as I am sure you know. You have some extremely well-drawn characters. It's a pleasure to read you. Ray.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Sharp dialog that is improved by the use of reactions and movement. Debra Paget was a real movie actress, as I am sure you know. You have some extremely well-drawn characters. It's a pleasure to read you. Ray.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hi, Ray. Hey, I do recall that she was an actress. Wonder if that's where the name came from in my mind?
Thanks for reading and for your kind and generous support, Ray.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Maustin
Your work possesses great narration with on point dialogue. Your dialogue convos are so believeable. I could see your characters in my mind. Ongoing great character development. Your plot continues to thicken. Great job. I so enjoyed this chapter. Wish I had a Sixer. A virtaul 8****!!!
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Your work possesses great narration with on point dialogue. Your dialogue convos are so believeable. I could see your characters in my mind. Ongoing great character development. Your plot continues to thicken. Great job. I so enjoyed this chapter. Wish I had a Sixer. A virtaul 8****!!!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hiya, Miracle! Thank you, sweetie, for your absolutely wonderful review and wish for a six. Thanks so much for sharing your insights into what worked for you, too. That's always so helpful. You rock, sis. Love ya, Bev
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You Rocked this out!!! Keep it moving. Cannot wait to walk into Barnes&Noble one day and there and behold, your book is sitting all snugged and standing out in the Best Seller's section...Yee-Haw Y'all!! Bev, is weaving a hit....
Blessings And Love always,
Miracle *;)~
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I just love ya, babycakes! Blessings and big hugs to you ... Bev
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Wow, Bev. My lovely Mama calls me Babycakes!! Isn't that something. I love, love that....You are so welcome...
Blessings and big hugs to you always,
Miracle *;)~
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Love ya 2!!!
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REALLY??!! That's so cool. XxxOoo Bev
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Yeppers....*;)~