Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Inyang Moon "Murder Mystery
42 total reviews
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Wow exciting stuff here, I was caught up in your story. A good write with imagery needs no changes to it. I enjoyed reading your story. Mary
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Wow exciting stuff here, I was caught up in your story. A good write with imagery needs no changes to it. I enjoyed reading your story. Mary
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Hi, Mary. Thank you so very much for your generous and supportive review. I sure appreciate you choosing to read! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
This is a fantastic chapter. Each paragraph reads like a complete little story in its own right. The sign of a mature, poetic writer, the ability to make each chapter work so well on its own as a stand-alone microcosm of the whole. Also, the brevity of each paragraph serves nicely to give the whole thing a great ''look'' for the reader, not to mention moving the pace along briskly. A thoroughly enjoyable read. Bravo!
Really liked the priest's interaction with the dog... ''the dog flicked his ears like two tiny sails'' - BRILLIANT!
''He moved to the fireplace, noting the smell of smoke mixed with something else familiar, but elusive.'' Love all these little details interspersed with the narrative. They give the work so much atmosphere and bring the reader there so well! Bravo!
''And, even when they routed the demonic energy, rarely did they escape without significant emotional trauma.'' This is so true. It's obvious that the author has really done their homework, or, better yet, is writing from deep personal experience. Well done!
A bone-chilling cliff-hanger ending to top off a fantastic chapter. You, my friend, are without a doubt one of the best writers, if not THE best one, on this site, in my humble opinion, and this piece is proof of that!
It's an honor to read and be read by such a tight, astute, talented writer. Wish I could give this sensational piece the six it clearly deserves.
RESPECK!!
cheers
js
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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This is a fantastic chapter. Each paragraph reads like a complete little story in its own right. The sign of a mature, poetic writer, the ability to make each chapter work so well on its own as a stand-alone microcosm of the whole. Also, the brevity of each paragraph serves nicely to give the whole thing a great ''look'' for the reader, not to mention moving the pace along briskly. A thoroughly enjoyable read. Bravo!
Really liked the priest's interaction with the dog... ''the dog flicked his ears like two tiny sails'' - BRILLIANT!
''He moved to the fireplace, noting the smell of smoke mixed with something else familiar, but elusive.'' Love all these little details interspersed with the narrative. They give the work so much atmosphere and bring the reader there so well! Bravo!
''And, even when they routed the demonic energy, rarely did they escape without significant emotional trauma.'' This is so true. It's obvious that the author has really done their homework, or, better yet, is writing from deep personal experience. Well done!
A bone-chilling cliff-hanger ending to top off a fantastic chapter. You, my friend, are without a doubt one of the best writers, if not THE best one, on this site, in my humble opinion, and this piece is proof of that!
It's an honor to read and be read by such a tight, astute, talented writer. Wish I could give this sensational piece the six it clearly deserves.
RESPECK!!
cheers
js
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Jonathan, I am deeply honored by your superb review. Thank you for really getting my story. I am warmed by your supportive insights and words of encouragement. So very much appreciated, my friend.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
Just tell me, did the sheriff immediately fill his pants with something rather unexpectantly?
Cripes, Bev, you know how to spook the stuff out of me!! And I'm not even in that room.
Tony Buday had explained to to his friend (omit one 'to')
he knew without looking {{the chair}} that the chair was now empty.
Good, suspenseful chapter!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Just tell me, did the sheriff immediately fill his pants with something rather unexpectantly?
Cripes, Bev, you know how to spook the stuff out of me!! And I'm not even in that room.
Tony Buday had explained to to his friend (omit one 'to')
he knew without looking {{the chair}} that the chair was now empty.
Good, suspenseful chapter!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Hiya, Sue. You are so funny!!! Maybe I should add that ... hmmm ... Thanks for pointing out the booboos AND for the great review, my friend. Appreciate it! Hugs, Bev
Comment from Shirley McLain
A chapter full of anxiety and suspense. I have enjoyed reading every word. I also did not fine any mistakes. You did an excellent job.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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A chapter full of anxiety and suspense. I have enjoyed reading every word. I also did not fine any mistakes. You did an excellent job.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Thanks so much, my friend. I really appreciate you choosing to read and your generous review. The support means a lot to me. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
I like that you're revving up the supernatural and educating us as you go along about how dangerous it can be for those who are unprepared.(the section on exorcism that only an ordained priest should do.)
The dog's interaction was perfect. I'm sure he'll be helpful later. What a great way to bring Alyx in as an active character. You gave him emotion and eyes that speak.
Derek saw what Father Brian only felt in the room. Now, I'm wondering why it showed itself to Derek
Fantastic description: A slithery chill wound its way along his spine,
Great chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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I like that you're revving up the supernatural and educating us as you go along about how dangerous it can be for those who are unprepared.(the section on exorcism that only an ordained priest should do.)
The dog's interaction was perfect. I'm sure he'll be helpful later. What a great way to bring Alyx in as an active character. You gave him emotion and eyes that speak.
Derek saw what Father Brian only felt in the room. Now, I'm wondering why it showed itself to Derek
Fantastic description: A slithery chill wound its way along his spine,
Great chapter.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Thanks so much, my friend. I really appreciate you letting me know the parts that worked for you -- always helpful. Glad you are enjoying the supernatural elements as much as I am LOL. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter where father brian sees the shape of a man and smells the sage that lets him know he's being protedted. and derrick sees the figure of a man that speaks to him but finds the chair is empty when father brian comes back.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter where father brian sees the shape of a man and smells the sage that lets him know he's being protedted. and derrick sees the figure of a man that speaks to him but finds the chair is empty when father brian comes back.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Thank you for being so loyal in following my story, Sweet. I really appreciate your time and generosity. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from mumsyone
Hi Bev,
Great writing! I love the description of the dog going upstairs, and the rest of the chapter is very interesting! (Just two places for you to check.)
Hugs,
Lois
Medicine man, Tony Buday, had explained (to to) his friend that the Sioux believed
and he knew without looking (the chair that the chair) was now empty.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Hi Bev,
Great writing! I love the description of the dog going upstairs, and the rest of the chapter is very interesting! (Just two places for you to check.)
Hugs,
Lois
Medicine man, Tony Buday, had explained (to to) his friend that the Sioux believed
and he knew without looking (the chair that the chair) was now empty.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Hi, Lois. Thank you so much for choosing to read my chapter. I really appreciate your guidance with the SPAG and your generous review. Hugs, Bev
Comment from TammyGail
I always love reading your writing Bev
and indeed you graced us with another fine inking
well written and expressed my full att you had
great closing like always you do ever well at
baiting eyes back for more.. thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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I always love reading your writing Bev
and indeed you graced us with another fine inking
well written and expressed my full att you had
great closing like always you do ever well at
baiting eyes back for more.. thanks for sharing
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much, Tammy. I always love hearing from you! Your support and appreciation for the chapter are truly heart-warming. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Gungalo
Oh this ghost is getting to be more into the present now and is not frightened off by others. But poor Derrick, can he possibly hand it?
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Oh this ghost is getting to be more into the present now and is not frightened off by others. But poor Derrick, can he possibly hand it?
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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I'm not yet sure myself LOL. Thanks so much, Gungalo. I really appreciate the support. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Oh my, is Derek seeing things. Did my ghost come for a visit? LOL Great post.
as he noted the tentative approach of Father's Brian's dog.He held out his hand for the dog to sniff and said, (spacing error after the period and there's really no reason to have 'and said', it can be omited and put a period after sniff)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Oh my, is Derek seeing things. Did my ghost come for a visit? LOL Great post.
as he noted the tentative approach of Father's Brian's dog.He held out his hand for the dog to sniff and said, (spacing error after the period and there's really no reason to have 'and said', it can be omited and put a period after sniff)
Comment Written 15-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2012
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Hi, barbara. Thanks much for your help and generosity. Much appreciate it! Bev