I Hereby Crown Thee ...
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "By Nightmare's Dark Decree"A collection of crowns of sonnets
115 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Good god this was so unreal..I mean a wow for the ability to write such a piece. I blew my mind, I got to the end and had to sit back and think it over a bit.
I thought you did a great job on this.
And the fact that this is somewhat a reoccurring nightmare is to me really frightening.
I am one of those crazies that hides behind the cushion on the really scarey parts of movies...I so wanted to do the same here. The power and strength you have put within this work is mind boggling...
Well done! You scared the crap out of me though....
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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Good god this was so unreal..I mean a wow for the ability to write such a piece. I blew my mind, I got to the end and had to sit back and think it over a bit.
I thought you did a great job on this.
And the fact that this is somewhat a reoccurring nightmare is to me really frightening.
I am one of those crazies that hides behind the cushion on the really scarey parts of movies...I so wanted to do the same here. The power and strength you have put within this work is mind boggling...
Well done! You scared the crap out of me though....
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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lol, thank you, Maureen :-). I find it' s the bizarreness that scares me, because there is no obvious explanation. I'm no good at scary films either. Thabks so much for the great review!
Mike
Comment from Denise S
The poem brought out a lot of emotions. the flow was good , and the rhymes were well done. But the emotions brought here were depressing and left me feeling as if this person is really sad and I should do all I can to fix that. I guess the writer did a good job of portraying a depressed person and that is all.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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The poem brought out a lot of emotions. the flow was good , and the rhymes were well done. But the emotions brought here were depressing and left me feeling as if this person is really sad and I should do all I can to fix that. I guess the writer did a good job of portraying a depressed person and that is all.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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Thank you, Denise. This was certainly a dark piece, even for someone who writes that way anyway. That's the result of me wanting to convey how deeply frightening this dream always is. Happy to say I'm not depressed, though :-).
Mike
Comment from keimosobie
It was long. I like the picture. Very interesting and it went with the poem.
Boxes with hands that don't move. That stuck to me the most. Like caskets
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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It was long. I like the picture. Very interesting and it went with the poem.
Boxes with hands that don't move. That stuck to me the most. Like caskets
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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Thank you - I'm glad you enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
Comment from ripcobain
Extremely impressive. Flawless rhythm and rhyme scheme, with the exception of instances where one end syllable was singular and it's corresponding one in the rhyme scheme was plural.
I hope you don't mind if I offer one critique, and it refers to enjambment. I personally find enjambment quite tricky, and often employ it in free verse to evoke natural pauses. Occasionally in your piece the enjambment was present but it was not a natural pause, and I personally find that a little jarring. If this is your intent, then I accept it as an aesthetic choice, but just know that it personally takes me out of your expertly crafted verse, if only for a moment.
I hope you find that constructive in some way. Thank you for this offering, I truly enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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Extremely impressive. Flawless rhythm and rhyme scheme, with the exception of instances where one end syllable was singular and it's corresponding one in the rhyme scheme was plural.
I hope you don't mind if I offer one critique, and it refers to enjambment. I personally find enjambment quite tricky, and often employ it in free verse to evoke natural pauses. Occasionally in your piece the enjambment was present but it was not a natural pause, and I personally find that a little jarring. If this is your intent, then I accept it as an aesthetic choice, but just know that it personally takes me out of your expertly crafted verse, if only for a moment.
I hope you find that constructive in some way. Thank you for this offering, I truly enjoyed it.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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Thank you, Rip - I'm so glad you enjoyed this piece :-). I was a little worried about that bit of enjambment because I haven't used it that way anywhere else in this poem, but most seem to have taken it in their stride so I'm pretty much happy. Thanks again!
Mike
Comment from mumsyone
All I can say is, well done all the way around: message, form, presentation, and the fact that it is not riddled with typos! Your nightmare sounds as far out as some of mine! (I had the privilege of meeting the second George Bush face to face when his helicopter landed right here on my property! Ha!)
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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All I can say is, well done all the way around: message, form, presentation, and the fact that it is not riddled with typos! Your nightmare sounds as far out as some of mine! (I had the privilege of meeting the second George Bush face to face when his helicopter landed right here on my property! Ha!)
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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Got to love dreams, even when they're making our pants nervous! It felt good to wrote this, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it - thank you for the wonderful review :-).
Mike
Comment from TSPoet
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
POEM CRITIQUE INSIGHT:
FanStory Poem Posting
Date: 07.18.2011
TSPOET 'Valuation of Words'
Designer Name: PoetTree aka TSPoet
Contest Entry: n/a
Writing Prompt Entry: n/a
Category: Biographical Poetry
Book: Hereby Crown Thee ...
Poem Title: Nightmare's Dark Decree
A recurring dream since childood
Author: Fleedleflump
Poem Heart Level: 08
(The general reader feel of a poets heart
from the words rating)
.
I Honor complete changes based on review suggesting's when giving re-reviews.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
ATTENTION: This is an actual REVIEW, in format with multiple interest points.
And this review is designed for a writers heart of ink, my words from yours.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
FIRST IMPRESSION of CONTENT of POEM:
You have successfully embedded a tonight's dreams of horror to me..lol
This poem or should I say a satire of emotional tearing threads of dream's cascading realities pushing it's awaking to reality. Wow, this poem is so vivid with multiple visuals, stunning images and action depictions with a pure identity of purpose. What a great write with so many wonderful choices of word selections and offset and set rhyme schemes, I love this.
.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
INTEREST SECTIONS:.
THOUGHT'S or WORDS to DESCRIBE the Reading:
Provocative, Dreams Sent, Torn Visions
.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
INTERESTING SELECTIONS:
Phrases, Sentences, Words
.
"beckon blighted, pestilent insights"
...Instinctively Weathered
.
"despite the years that separate their call.
I am a child alone, within the thrall."
...Youth and age builds it's cage
.
"Celestial visions no man understands
bereft of chance, I grasp loss without hands."
...Controlled Intervention within
.
.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
OBSERVATION'S:
1. The Structures are mostly quadric format with Quatrain style rhyming. Also with a two line end rhyme as the fourth strophe. Very well set up.
2. Visually torn within a world of multiple lfe objects and action scenes that carry me from one word to the next. Very detailed.
3. Emotionally I am saddened but alive, very alive in these words. The emotions are strong and projects a pure sensitivity.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
RECOMMENDED SUGGESTING(s)
.
.
Your words have this " "
The Suggesting have this ( )
.
LEGEND:
(NC).........No Change
(NL).........New Line
(CR).........Corrections
(AD).........Add
(DL).........Delete
(CP).........Capital
.
ORIGINAL:
Strophe #01
".."
.
SUGGESTING:
Strophe #01
(..)
.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
TSPoet 'Valuation of Words'
AWARD(s): Unique Word Selection Award
RATING: Excellent / 5 Star (high 5)
RATING SCALE: Rating SCORE: 9.5 pts. average per Rating level
Total: 57 total points
(Received Award +05) (63)
Level Ratings: One through Ten. 1-10, Ten (10) is the Best.
.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
RATING SCORE LEVELS per AREA:
>..YES.....Would You recommend it to someone else
>..09......Overall First Impression Content and/or Structure
>..08......Creative Difference Maker, Discipline & Free Style
>..xx......Free Style & Mix Rhyme / Poem subject direction
>..09......Rhyming / Rhymes forced or not
>..10......Structure make sense (Grammar, Meter, Cadence, Subject etc...)
>..10......Emotional Impact: Imagination (Very Pleasant,Teary, etc...)
>..10......Imagery / Visual (Word depiction: Imagery, depth vividly.)
__(05)_____BONUS points for Honor's (does not count in the average)
...57......TOTAL.....(60 is the highest)
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
HONORED WRITER'S:
Writers-Well Received ( )
(04).........Overall Outstanding Award
(02).........Amazing Impact/Dialog Impact Award
(03).........Outstanding Worded Visual Award
(01).........Original (Only) Fine & Graphic Art Award
(02).........Perfection Award
(04).........Originality Award
(04).........Unique Word Selection Award
(00).........Amazing Dialog/Reader Impact Award
(02).........True Inner Self/Other Revealed Award
UPDATED: 07.18.11
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There is Not and Never will be any form or suggestion of
directed abuse, rudeness, twisted rebaliance etc.. against
other writers or participants from me, If such things are
spread amongst this community about me, please feel free to
come talk with me. I Promise, Tom - TSPoet.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This procedure is solely by TSPoet original format.Copyright Protected 2011
Author Name: PoetTree (TSPoet) Book: "Rhyme with Reason" Author House, Amazon.com
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
|
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
POEM CRITIQUE INSIGHT:
FanStory Poem Posting
Date: 07.18.2011
TSPOET 'Valuation of Words'
Designer Name: PoetTree aka TSPoet
Contest Entry: n/a
Writing Prompt Entry: n/a
Category: Biographical Poetry
Book: Hereby Crown Thee ...
Poem Title: Nightmare's Dark Decree
A recurring dream since childood
Author: Fleedleflump
Poem Heart Level: 08
(The general reader feel of a poets heart
from the words rating)
.
I Honor complete changes based on review suggesting's when giving re-reviews.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
ATTENTION: This is an actual REVIEW, in format with multiple interest points.
And this review is designed for a writers heart of ink, my words from yours.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
FIRST IMPRESSION of CONTENT of POEM:
You have successfully embedded a tonight's dreams of horror to me..lol
This poem or should I say a satire of emotional tearing threads of dream's cascading realities pushing it's awaking to reality. Wow, this poem is so vivid with multiple visuals, stunning images and action depictions with a pure identity of purpose. What a great write with so many wonderful choices of word selections and offset and set rhyme schemes, I love this.
.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
INTEREST SECTIONS:.
THOUGHT'S or WORDS to DESCRIBE the Reading:
Provocative, Dreams Sent, Torn Visions
.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
INTERESTING SELECTIONS:
Phrases, Sentences, Words
.
"beckon blighted, pestilent insights"
...Instinctively Weathered
.
"despite the years that separate their call.
I am a child alone, within the thrall."
...Youth and age builds it's cage
.
"Celestial visions no man understands
bereft of chance, I grasp loss without hands."
...Controlled Intervention within
.
.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
OBSERVATION'S:
1. The Structures are mostly quadric format with Quatrain style rhyming. Also with a two line end rhyme as the fourth strophe. Very well set up.
2. Visually torn within a world of multiple lfe objects and action scenes that carry me from one word to the next. Very detailed.
3. Emotionally I am saddened but alive, very alive in these words. The emotions are strong and projects a pure sensitivity.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
RECOMMENDED SUGGESTING(s)
.
.
Your words have this " "
The Suggesting have this ( )
.
LEGEND:
(NC).........No Change
(NL).........New Line
(CR).........Corrections
(AD).........Add
(DL).........Delete
(CP).........Capital
.
ORIGINAL:
Strophe #01
".."
.
SUGGESTING:
Strophe #01
(..)
.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
TSPoet 'Valuation of Words'
AWARD(s): Unique Word Selection Award
RATING: Excellent / 5 Star (high 5)
RATING SCALE: Rating SCORE: 9.5 pts. average per Rating level
Total: 57 total points
(Received Award +05) (63)
Level Ratings: One through Ten. 1-10, Ten (10) is the Best.
.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
RATING SCORE LEVELS per AREA:
>..YES.....Would You recommend it to someone else
>..09......Overall First Impression Content and/or Structure
>..08......Creative Difference Maker, Discipline & Free Style
>..xx......Free Style & Mix Rhyme / Poem subject direction
>..09......Rhyming / Rhymes forced or not
>..10......Structure make sense (Grammar, Meter, Cadence, Subject etc...)
>..10......Emotional Impact: Imagination (Very Pleasant,Teary, etc...)
>..10......Imagery / Visual (Word depiction: Imagery, depth vividly.)
__(05)_____BONUS points for Honor's (does not count in the average)
...57......TOTAL.....(60 is the highest)
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
HONORED WRITER'S:
Writers-Well Received ( )
(04).........Overall Outstanding Award
(02).........Amazing Impact/Dialog Impact Award
(03).........Outstanding Worded Visual Award
(01).........Original (Only) Fine & Graphic Art Award
(02).........Perfection Award
(04).........Originality Award
(04).........Unique Word Selection Award
(00).........Amazing Dialog/Reader Impact Award
(02).........True Inner Self/Other Revealed Award
UPDATED: 07.18.11
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There is Not and Never will be any form or suggestion of
directed abuse, rudeness, twisted rebaliance etc.. against
other writers or participants from me, If such things are
spread amongst this community about me, please feel free to
come talk with me. I Promise, Tom - TSPoet.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This procedure is solely by TSPoet original format.Copyright Protected 2011
Author Name: PoetTree (TSPoet) Book: "Rhyme with Reason" Author House, Amazon.com
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
-
Thank you, Tom. That's an interesting reviewing system which made sense once I read through a couple of times. Of course, I would be happy because you've used it to pay me some extremely flattering comlliments! I'm so happy you enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
Comment from egmosley
Feedle,
I like the structure of your sonnetted poem. yes the repeition of the last lines of your sonnets do add continuity to your whole poem. I found your words to be very strong in connotation and emotion--as dreams are weird in their own domain--The ending makes the reading clear--barren dreams---
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
|
Feedle,
I like the structure of your sonnetted poem. yes the repeition of the last lines of your sonnets do add continuity to your whole poem. I found your words to be very strong in connotation and emotion--as dreams are weird in their own domain--The ending makes the reading clear--barren dreams---
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
-
Thank you :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from Minglement
I enjoyed your very descriptive and chilling childhood (through adult) nightmare and your author notes on the poem form. Well executed with satisfyingly horrific and foul images created with word choices and phraseology. Excellent seeting and descritption. I think we've hall had that one recurring dream (nightmare), whatever it may be. Well done. Marcia
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
|
I enjoyed your very descriptive and chilling childhood (through adult) nightmare and your author notes on the poem form. Well executed with satisfyingly horrific and foul images created with word choices and phraseology. Excellent seeting and descritption. I think we've hall had that one recurring dream (nightmare), whatever it may be. Well done. Marcia
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
-
Thank you, Marcia :-). There was a strong sense of catharsis to writing this. It felt good to try and express my old foe (he's a rare visitor these days, thankfully) in poetry. I'm so happy you liked it!
Mike
-
Yes, thankfully :) I haven't had my reptitive nightmare for a long time, thankfully - it was about being chased by witches! It was always the same scene by scene. Brrr! Thanks for sharing and glad it's not been bugging you of late. Marcia
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, fleedleflump, it is full of imagery and emotion, despair felt throughout this long work, the picture you chose is perfect for it as well
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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this is very well written, fleedleflump, it is full of imagery and emotion, despair felt throughout this long work, the picture you chose is perfect for it as well
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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Thank you, SWJ - It's good to know I conveyed the urgency of the emotions effectively :-)
Mike
Comment from Cedar
As you said, this is a very lengthy poem. However, your rhyming and flow makes it an enjoyable read. Sorry to hear about the nightmare. Hopefully you will soon discover what's causing it and it will stop. Good luck. Cedar/Bill
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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As you said, this is a very lengthy poem. However, your rhyming and flow makes it an enjoyable read. Sorry to hear about the nightmare. Hopefully you will soon discover what's causing it and it will stop. Good luck. Cedar/Bill
Comment Written 18-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2011
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Cheers, Bill :-). I've been getting this since I was very young, although it is very rare these days. It felt good to represent my old foe in poetic form.
Mike