An Ordinary Life
Reflections in free verse36 total reviews
Comment from JUHI MJ
Hello
You did a wonder full job . Your poem show a strong picture of life and This poem is so real . Actually love
writing .Its really very good. Good luck
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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Hello
You did a wonder full job . Your poem show a strong picture of life and This poem is so real . Actually love
writing .Its really very good. Good luck
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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JUHI MJ, I apologize for just responding. Thank you so very much dfor stopping by to read and review my work.. jlsavell
Comment from Claire Beck
I like the flow of this free-form, and feel like I got a sense of the narrator - nice! I especially like what you did in the first section, where the "tea kettle whistles to wet my thirst..." It really sets the stage nicely.
One thing that would make this poem even smoother and more impactful is to find ways to eliminate the passive voice in the last two sections.
Thanks for the good read.
- Claire
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reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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I like the flow of this free-form, and feel like I got a sense of the narrator - nice! I especially like what you did in the first section, where the "tea kettle whistles to wet my thirst..." It really sets the stage nicely.
One thing that would make this poem even smoother and more impactful is to find ways to eliminate the passive voice in the last two sections.
Thanks for the good read.
- Claire
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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Claire, thank you so very much for your review and your suggestions for improvement. They are duely noted. I apologize fro just responding to yuor review. I am on the site rarely these days..again thank you so very very much..jlsavell
Comment from rama devi
Hey Jimi, this is lovely and EXTRAORDINARY!
I love the message and the flow, the free verse musicality and random rhyming with fine spurts of alliteration and other devices.
Very well penned, but I am wondering about the punctuaiton..used in some places, but others not. I have not decided yet what i recommend---because my spag-brain is short-circuited at the moment. Will come back tomorrow with suggestions if you wish,
lots of Love,
rd
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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Hey Jimi, this is lovely and EXTRAORDINARY!
I love the message and the flow, the free verse musicality and random rhyming with fine spurts of alliteration and other devices.
Very well penned, but I am wondering about the punctuaiton..used in some places, but others not. I have not decided yet what i recommend---because my spag-brain is short-circuited at the moment. Will come back tomorrow with suggestions if you wish,
lots of Love,
rd
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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rama devi, thank you so very much. I apologize for just responding to you!!! From you I will always welcome suggestions and improvement. I hope you know that!!! You are so very much appreciated. jimi
Comment from Spiritual Echo
For the second time, I am reading this revived post, and it is just as beautiful the second time around.
Well, this was a very moving and delightful string of words.
I suspect there was no further motive in dipping your feather into the ink well other than to reflect on the time you spent moving between the misted trees that introduce your readers to this poem in your opening picture.
I felt as if I should be making the tea while you were turning the corner on the wide circular driveway, we call home.
Thank you.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
 |
For the second time, I am reading this revived post, and it is just as beautiful the second time around.
Well, this was a very moving and delightful string of words.
I suspect there was no further motive in dipping your feather into the ink well other than to reflect on the time you spent moving between the misted trees that introduce your readers to this poem in your opening picture.
I felt as if I should be making the tea while you were turning the corner on the wide circular driveway, we call home.
Thank you.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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Spititula Echo, thank you, thank you for such an exceptional review. I absolutely love free verse. I apologize for just responding. I do not mean to be rude or make anyone feel I am not truly appreciative of thier time and wonderful comments. I am most certainly. I am just rarely on the site these last few months. again thank you so very very much..jlsavell
Comment from FredCollingwood
When I read this, I thought, boy this is really good. I didn't realize you had written it. When I did, I thought, no wonder. Jimi wrote this. It's great!
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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When I read this, I thought, boy this is really good. I didn't realize you had written it. When I did, I thought, no wonder. Jimi wrote this. It's great!
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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Fred Collingwood, another belated thank you and words of appreciation. You always humble me with your support and words of praise..jimi
Comment from Kingsland
This line caught my attention for sure> and unpredictable predictability was not to be expected
I liked this piece and it recurring theme an ordinary life. You have some excellent lines of vocabulary usage that just highlight this read greatly. This was just a pleasure to have read and written a review for... John
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
|
This line caught my attention for sure> and unpredictable predictability was not to be expected
I liked this piece and it recurring theme an ordinary life. You have some excellent lines of vocabulary usage that just highlight this read greatly. This was just a pleasure to have read and written a review for... John
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2010
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John, hello my friend. I miss you. Thank you for styopping by and I apologize for just responding. I have been on this site rarely lately. thank you so very much..jimi