On the Altar of Self-Sacrifice
A Peripatetic Love Story35 total reviews
Comment from Terry Broxson
Jay, whoever said, "Less is more," never met Jay Squires. My six rating is not because I think it is a brilliant story. But because I think it is a brilliant beginning.
The way you work the movies into the story is very creative--exceptional, in fact.
I think you have given us a terrific opening and a dramatic ending. But we need a middle. Tell us about those seven years.
Did love really grow as Maretta predicted? I want to know about it. Was Robin ever able to live his love for Lena? Could he show it? How did his illness work? Was it a quick or slow ending? Was there more or less to the love story?
Keep working, Buddy. Terry.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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Jay, whoever said, "Less is more," never met Jay Squires. My six rating is not because I think it is a brilliant story. But because I think it is a brilliant beginning.
The way you work the movies into the story is very creative--exceptional, in fact.
I think you have given us a terrific opening and a dramatic ending. But we need a middle. Tell us about those seven years.
Did love really grow as Maretta predicted? I want to know about it. Was Robin ever able to live his love for Lena? Could he show it? How did his illness work? Was it a quick or slow ending? Was there more or less to the love story?
Keep working, Buddy. Terry.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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My goodness! Thank you, Terry. So you think this story is a peripatetic prologue for a story I haven't told yet? Perhaps. Yes. It's worthy of considering. Kind of tempting, actually, to follow it along the road you suggested. Not enough gas in this tank, though, I must admit. Thank you, my dear friend.
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Jay, I know the feeling. I just hated to see you leave something choice on the table. terry.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Hi. It's good to see you back. Does that mean work on the book is going well? or that you needed a break? This was like a synopsis of a film, and I enjoyed it very much except for that last discourse on film technique. That pulled me away from the story, and I think we all read for the story. kay
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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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Hi. It's good to see you back. Does that mean work on the book is going well? or that you needed a break? This was like a synopsis of a film, and I enjoyed it very much except for that last discourse on film technique. That pulled me away from the story, and I think we all read for the story. kay
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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Really, Kay? You didn't like the cinemagraphic elements? I can understand your feelings, though. My work off FS is going pretty well. I'm dropping a post on it in a few days. Thanks, dear, for reading my story and talking frankly about it.
Jay
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I liked the first, just the last one I was too engrossed in the story at that point. K
Comment from Jim Wile
This was brilliant, Jay. Glad you did it in one post, as it kept me enthralled through the whole thing. Just a beautifully-written, sad, happy, wondrous, compelling, unusual, mesmerizing, (I'm starting to run out of adjectives now) story. Not only is it far-fetched, but totally believable (there--two more) the way that romance began, right through to the end.
I have a good friend who proposed after only three dates to a girl he had just met when he was perhaps 22, and they are still married today almost 50 years later, so it happens. I guess Robin and Lena just knew.
Your descriptions are so vivid that I felt I was right there watching them. You have such a magnificent way with words that I seriously envy. You are most assuredly a literary writer versus a commercial writer with a beautiful, erudite, manner of writing.
I must confess, though, I don't fully grasp the meaning of your title and how it applies to this story, but a wonderful (there's one I haven't used yet) story it was. Jim
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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This was brilliant, Jay. Glad you did it in one post, as it kept me enthralled through the whole thing. Just a beautifully-written, sad, happy, wondrous, compelling, unusual, mesmerizing, (I'm starting to run out of adjectives now) story. Not only is it far-fetched, but totally believable (there--two more) the way that romance began, right through to the end.
I have a good friend who proposed after only three dates to a girl he had just met when he was perhaps 22, and they are still married today almost 50 years later, so it happens. I guess Robin and Lena just knew.
Your descriptions are so vivid that I felt I was right there watching them. You have such a magnificent way with words that I seriously envy. You are most assuredly a literary writer versus a commercial writer with a beautiful, erudite, manner of writing.
I must confess, though, I don't fully grasp the meaning of your title and how it applies to this story, but a wonderful (there's one I haven't used yet) story it was. Jim
Comment Written 16-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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I might have your good friend beat! I met my wife on a Wednesday and Married her the following Wednesday after only one date (that ended rather unfortunately by my snubbing out my lit cigarette on her kneecap, thinking, in the darkness that it was the car ashtray). Our marriage ended a few months shy of 50 years with both of us agreeing we could love each other more by living in separate homes -- ultimately in different cities.
I'm so glad you enjoyed my story and exhausted your supply of adjectives in telling me what it meant to you. Thank you for sharing that.
Jay
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Yes indeed it was worth my time to read this my goodness. Are you ever a concise and particularly gifted writer!
The ebbs and flows UPS and Downs of your character's life. Death love and the in between all are reflected in your story surprises and surprised and it sounds a lot. I must say your Characters are colorful with complete info personalities. Laura is carried from getting to end and it's amazing to work with fine writer 1oftocapturemyattentionrighttothelastword colors are careful. A plot is very well laid. It also smacks of love and loyalty. I like how you quote and use the old movie lines if I'm not Mistaken Barbara Streisand and Robert Redford.
Having said all that this is a very impressive piece of work. You've probably spent time and effort upon congratulate you on your talent and the layout of a beautiful and interesting stories within a story. Your work is grammatically pleasing and I find no issues with spelling punctuation and sentence structure. I wish you all the best hope you have a great day!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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Yes indeed it was worth my time to read this my goodness. Are you ever a concise and particularly gifted writer!
The ebbs and flows UPS and Downs of your character's life. Death love and the in between all are reflected in your story surprises and surprised and it sounds a lot. I must say your Characters are colorful with complete info personalities. Laura is carried from getting to end and it's amazing to work with fine writer 1oftocapturemyattentionrighttothelastword colors are careful. A plot is very well laid. It also smacks of love and loyalty. I like how you quote and use the old movie lines if I'm not Mistaken Barbara Streisand and Robert Redford.
Having said all that this is a very impressive piece of work. You've probably spent time and effort upon congratulate you on your talent and the layout of a beautiful and interesting stories within a story. Your work is grammatically pleasing and I find no issues with spelling punctuation and sentence structure. I wish you all the best hope you have a great day!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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My goodness! Thank you, Lea. I'm so happy you invested an hour or so reading my story and felt strongly enough about it that you wrote your inner thoughts about it.
Jay
Comment from MissMerri
An amazing story, well told and presented, seemingly completely free of typos, except for one. The word possibly was misspelled as possible. I am reading this at three in the morning because I can't sleep. As always, I am blown away by your ability to write, to create with words clear and unmistakable pictures that stir the heart and leave a lasting impression. I will not forget this story. I hope you will submit it for publication. You really should. It seems so real. This is powerful writing.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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An amazing story, well told and presented, seemingly completely free of typos, except for one. The word possibly was misspelled as possible. I am reading this at three in the morning because I can't sleep. As always, I am blown away by your ability to write, to create with words clear and unmistakable pictures that stir the heart and leave a lasting impression. I will not forget this story. I hope you will submit it for publication. You really should. It seems so real. This is powerful writing.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2023
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The one error I corrected -- thank you, MissMerri. OMG, a 3 AM read! I may send this story off and see what happens. My main fear was the film elements being a distraction. However, only one person, so far, felt that way. Bless you for your kindness and enthusiasm. A six from the likes of you means so much to me!
Jay