Santa's Christmas Carol
The beginning...42 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm sorry to say I'm already out of sixes. So it has to be a virtual six. This was such a great story, and one that will be believable to children of all ages. Me included. I wish I could have some of Santa's magic so I can whizz through my housework! :) Very well written and an adorable story. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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I'm sorry to say I'm already out of sixes. So it has to be a virtual six. This was such a great story, and one that will be believable to children of all ages. Me included. I wish I could have some of Santa's magic so I can whizz through my housework! :) Very well written and an adorable story. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Sandra, thank you for reading the long story. Terry.
Comment from Spitfire
This got me to wondering how the real legend behind Santa and his elves. A well-thought out write with great dialogue and narration. I can see this as a children's book with great illustrations.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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This got me to wondering how the real legend behind Santa and his elves. A well-thought out write with great dialogue and narration. I can see this as a children's book with great illustrations.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Thank you for the kind words. Terry.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did an awesome job, terry, with your contest entry. I liked the different 'parts' of it. Each one built on the previous one. I liked the
idea of how Santa was 'born.' Your words were well thought out and
descriptive. In each part, I could visualize what you wrote. The characters
were well defined. I liked the fun way you described the elves as being short. Your story had amazing flow and information leading to the
time at the North Pole.
May I suggest ~
With a twinkle in his [ eye ] and a smile on his face,
I believe there are at least 3 places where the word 'eve'
as in Christmas Eve needs to be capitalized.
There is 1 place where you used ST. for Saint Nicholas and
not the ST & N.
I understood dropping it to St. Nicholas later.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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You did an awesome job, terry, with your contest entry. I liked the different 'parts' of it. Each one built on the previous one. I liked the
idea of how Santa was 'born.' Your words were well thought out and
descriptive. In each part, I could visualize what you wrote. The characters
were well defined. I liked the fun way you described the elves as being short. Your story had amazing flow and information leading to the
time at the North Pole.
May I suggest ~
With a twinkle in his [ eye ] and a smile on his face,
I believe there are at least 3 places where the word 'eve'
as in Christmas Eve needs to be capitalized.
There is 1 place where you used ST. for Saint Nicholas and
not the ST & N.
I understood dropping it to St. Nicholas later.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Jan, thank you for your review and the very kind words, and the suggestions. I will take a look at that. Terry.
Comment from evilynne
I think that is a wonderful well written fantasy, quite charming, which tells of how Santa came to be. I love it. Best of luck in the contest! Evi
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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I think that is a wonderful well written fantasy, quite charming, which tells of how Santa came to be. I love it. Best of luck in the contest! Evi
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Evi, Thank you for the six stars and the very kind review! Terry.
Comment from eliz100
I so enjoyed your story. It is quite creative, the backstory for Santa. You met the requirements for a fantasy story. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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I so enjoyed your story. It is quite creative, the backstory for Santa. You met the requirements for a fantasy story. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Thank you for this stellar review and the six stars! I appreciate your kind words. Terry.
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
This is Awesome and is without a doubt, the best version of how St Nicholas and Santa derived. I am so happy you are thinking about taking it out from behind the wall of just fanstory. I am not sure if I have ever written any fiction, so you really have a knack for it. I love getting to know these boys ahead of time, and I unfortunately cried thru most of it. I cried at the happy parts, at the sad parts, and everything in between. Otherwise I handled it pretty good. Lol... Still effects of the withdrawal.
I love that they were orphans and that they were making figurines, probably as wood soldiers right from the start. All of a sudden I can't even remember other versions because this is sooooo goooood. You will do quite well in any contest that you entered it into. Remarkable story and writing my friend. Bravo!!!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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This is Awesome and is without a doubt, the best version of how St Nicholas and Santa derived. I am so happy you are thinking about taking it out from behind the wall of just fanstory. I am not sure if I have ever written any fiction, so you really have a knack for it. I love getting to know these boys ahead of time, and I unfortunately cried thru most of it. I cried at the happy parts, at the sad parts, and everything in between. Otherwise I handled it pretty good. Lol... Still effects of the withdrawal.
I love that they were orphans and that they were making figurines, probably as wood soldiers right from the start. All of a sudden I can't even remember other versions because this is sooooo goooood. You will do quite well in any contest that you entered it into. Remarkable story and writing my friend. Bravo!!!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Debi, thank you for the six stars and the wonderful review. I will share the background of the story with you and any others who read your review.
I had a dream about writing, A Christmas Carol. Except instead of Scrooge, it would a toy maker who would turn into Santa. This story was the result. Thank you for the kind words. Terry.
Comment from Shirley McLain
I certainly like reading this Christmas story in March. It was great. At least now I know how Santa became Santa. I did not see a problem at all. Have a great Sunday afternoon/evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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I certainly like reading this Christmas story in March. It was great. At least now I know how Santa became Santa. I did not see a problem at all. Have a great Sunday afternoon/evening. Shirley
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Aww, thank you, Shirley. I am delighted you enjoyed the story, and thank you for the six stars! Terry.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Holy Miley, six stars are inadequate, so would seven and eight stars be. This was fabulously written by an imaginative mind like yours, and maybe mine but I rarely write more than one page.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Holy Miley, six stars are inadequate, so would seven and eight stars be. This was fabulously written by an imaginative mind like yours, and maybe mine but I rarely write more than one page.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Tom, thank you for the terrific review. I am truly honored and thank you for the sixth star, my brother, from a different mother! Terry.
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Terry, this story is adorable. Your writing quickly drew me in from the first line to the last line. I realize that this is a fantasy story, but I will comment on a few things as if the characters were real:
--Adults wanted these treasures for their children--and themselves.
(Terry, I think my husband enjoyed playing with the children's toys more than the children themselves--lol. Some things never change. He still like to play with toys, except now his toys are guitars, amps, keyboards, etc. Lol.)
-- I want our toys to go to homes where they will be cherished. Rich or poor, I don't let money stand in the way."
(If only the World was really like that--at least at Xmas. Christmas should be magical for all children, but especially those who little or nothing all through the year.)
--It became a tradition each Christmas that Ben and John presented Rudolph with a new figurine of himself.
(T, he must have treasured those figurines as if they were gold.)
--At Christmas, Rudolph gave the boys a small cash bonus for themselves.
(Those were the good ol' days. In today's world, those boys would be exploited.)
Terry, I also liked how the story transcends us to the North Pole and illustrates how Santa's workshop really began--whimsical. Lots of good descriptive writing and imagery within. A fantasy, indeed. This story could easily be made into a Christmas movie. You need to put a real copywrite on this.
A few typos:
--Para #8 - It turned out they could "crave" figures vs. "carve"
--Para #9 - These "cravings" were given vs. "carvings"
--Para #10 - One day in 1830, when the boys "when" twelve
vs. "were" twelve.
Terry, just sharing, as I do. I had an uncle who was taken away from his family for neglect and put into a orphanage. At that orphanage, they taught them every skill imaginable, so that they could find work and support themselves. I am not saying that the place was a piece of cake, but not all things are bad vs. being neglected, and probably not sending your children to school which was common in the 1930's. My point to this comment is that I'm starting to think that current-day children that come from generational, non-working families would be better in an orphanage than staying with neglectful and many times abusive families. I have a modern-day version in my mind, but that would take a total revamping of many social programs, but I do believe that it would be a win-win for both parent and child. Parents would either have to step up to the plate and prove they are worthy of their precious children or remain a visitor in their lives. I know that some people think that my thinking is mean, but in the end, it would be kinder--success breeds success. I bet you never thought that your fantasy story would go down this lane. Lol.
Well done, excellent writing. This story made me smile from ear to ear, and that's a wonderful thing. Margaret ~ LateBloomer
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Hi Terry, this story is adorable. Your writing quickly drew me in from the first line to the last line. I realize that this is a fantasy story, but I will comment on a few things as if the characters were real:
--Adults wanted these treasures for their children--and themselves.
(Terry, I think my husband enjoyed playing with the children's toys more than the children themselves--lol. Some things never change. He still like to play with toys, except now his toys are guitars, amps, keyboards, etc. Lol.)
-- I want our toys to go to homes where they will be cherished. Rich or poor, I don't let money stand in the way."
(If only the World was really like that--at least at Xmas. Christmas should be magical for all children, but especially those who little or nothing all through the year.)
--It became a tradition each Christmas that Ben and John presented Rudolph with a new figurine of himself.
(T, he must have treasured those figurines as if they were gold.)
--At Christmas, Rudolph gave the boys a small cash bonus for themselves.
(Those were the good ol' days. In today's world, those boys would be exploited.)
Terry, I also liked how the story transcends us to the North Pole and illustrates how Santa's workshop really began--whimsical. Lots of good descriptive writing and imagery within. A fantasy, indeed. This story could easily be made into a Christmas movie. You need to put a real copywrite on this.
A few typos:
--Para #8 - It turned out they could "crave" figures vs. "carve"
--Para #9 - These "cravings" were given vs. "carvings"
--Para #10 - One day in 1830, when the boys "when" twelve
vs. "were" twelve.
Terry, just sharing, as I do. I had an uncle who was taken away from his family for neglect and put into a orphanage. At that orphanage, they taught them every skill imaginable, so that they could find work and support themselves. I am not saying that the place was a piece of cake, but not all things are bad vs. being neglected, and probably not sending your children to school which was common in the 1930's. My point to this comment is that I'm starting to think that current-day children that come from generational, non-working families would be better in an orphanage than staying with neglectful and many times abusive families. I have a modern-day version in my mind, but that would take a total revamping of many social programs, but I do believe that it would be a win-win for both parent and child. Parents would either have to step up to the plate and prove they are worthy of their precious children or remain a visitor in their lives. I know that some people think that my thinking is mean, but in the end, it would be kinder--success breeds success. I bet you never thought that your fantasy story would go down this lane. Lol.
Well done, excellent writing. This story made me smile from ear to ear, and that's a wonderful thing. Margaret ~ LateBloomer
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Margaret, Thank you for the wonderful review! And the six stars. I am thinking of entering a contest, outside of FS, and maybe a few more episodes. Terry.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a wonderful beginning to Christmas. I loved the whole story except the deaths. I don't like it when nice people die. Nice to see you back. Please keep writing. kay
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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This is a wonderful beginning to Christmas. I loved the whole story except the deaths. I don't like it when nice people die. Nice to see you back. Please keep writing. kay
Comment Written 19-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Kay, Thank you for the review and the six stars. Now, they didn't really die, and they will be back in future episodes. Terry.
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hurrah. One that they didn't die. Two that there will be more episodes. kay