The Morning After
Unfortunate incident, for an innocent man.36 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Great story. Very well written. Sorry I have no sixes left (it being Saturday)
How will hew ever prove his innocence? What is he to do?
Best wishes and good luck to Richard, or whoever he is.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Great story. Very well written. Sorry I have no sixes left (it being Saturday)
How will hew ever prove his innocence? What is he to do?
Best wishes and good luck to Richard, or whoever he is.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much, Wayne. Don't worry about the six. It's a nice thought, but most of all I'm happy that such a talented writer takes time to read my foolishness and offers such kind encouragement. Much appreciated!
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You made me laugh.
All this talent, where's the Stephen King bucks?
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Talent doesn't guarantee success, luck does. Look how many great artists and writers who were never discovered until they were dead. Huh, that was supposed to sound encouraging, but I guess I missed the mark somewhere. As you know that, I often do. LOL. It's always a pleasure to communicate with you! Ric
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I agree - about the luck stuff.
Thanks.
Comment from nomi338
It has to really suck to be in a position where you are the only one who thinks as you do, and everyone else is thinking that you are are a lying P.O.S. What to do, what to do? You are probably not a Christian, so praying would not be on your list of things you should or could do. So I would suggest, clearing your mind and doing some serious thinking and planning.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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It has to really suck to be in a position where you are the only one who thinks as you do, and everyone else is thinking that you are are a lying P.O.S. What to do, what to do? You are probably not a Christian, so praying would not be on your list of things you should or could do. So I would suggest, clearing your mind and doing some serious thinking and planning.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Well, Nomi, I would think that the position this old boy is in, he might better turn to Christianity and pray his butt off. Otherwise, he doesn't look to have too many viable options. LOL. Thank you tons, my friend. I appreciate YOU!
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The only thanks I need is for you to keep on writing.
Comment from Susan Newell
Ric,
Of course, the moral to the story is never rat on the mob. Of course people can set up fake Facebook pages, and I suppose the mob could have gotten ahold of his wallet. Or, he could be delusional about his new identity and his shooting spree. I can't help but wonder if Patti was in on it and put him into a permanent sleep. Very tricky of you, leaving us to fill in all kinds of different scenarios. Well done!
Sue
a tear trickled down my cheek, as if running erratically from the pain. -- ten stars
Doctors' white coats with pen filled pockets, stethoscopes clung around their necks. -- garbled
apartment-2, and two college-aged kids in unit-3. -- I'd stay consistent and go with Unit 2 and Unit 3.
I sat, trembled, threw up my hands, and proceeded with my pleading overture. -- wouldn't the situation suggest you were cuffed to the bed?
"Then, would you please have my doctor come to see me ASAP? Sir, your doctor's out right now, but he is scheduled to return around 4:00 this afternoon for patient checks. I'll have him come in then." -- need to break the dialogue after ASAP
Patty slipped up, and before I could react, she injected a sedative into my IV, saying ==> Patti (did she slip up as in erred, or approached?)
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Ric,
Of course, the moral to the story is never rat on the mob. Of course people can set up fake Facebook pages, and I suppose the mob could have gotten ahold of his wallet. Or, he could be delusional about his new identity and his shooting spree. I can't help but wonder if Patti was in on it and put him into a permanent sleep. Very tricky of you, leaving us to fill in all kinds of different scenarios. Well done!
Sue
a tear trickled down my cheek, as if running erratically from the pain. -- ten stars
Doctors' white coats with pen filled pockets, stethoscopes clung around their necks. -- garbled
apartment-2, and two college-aged kids in unit-3. -- I'd stay consistent and go with Unit 2 and Unit 3.
I sat, trembled, threw up my hands, and proceeded with my pleading overture. -- wouldn't the situation suggest you were cuffed to the bed?
"Then, would you please have my doctor come to see me ASAP? Sir, your doctor's out right now, but he is scheduled to return around 4:00 this afternoon for patient checks. I'll have him come in then." -- need to break the dialogue after ASAP
Patty slipped up, and before I could react, she injected a sedative into my IV, saying ==> Patti (did she slip up as in erred, or approached?)
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thanks so much, Sue, for always being there to help me pick up the pieces and work on the right puzzle. LOL. As always, I wrote this thing a few days back in about an hour. Then, this morning I decided to read through quickly and post it. Lucky it was longer or it would have had twice as many blunders. LOL. Your kindness, comments, and suggestions are always great appreciated! Most of all, I appreciate YOU!
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Ric,
You are so welcome. I love your stories. They all have a unique angle.
Sue
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I wish I had a six left, but sorry, I do not. This is great writing, and I can't wait to read more. I believe his story and am not sure I believe those men were detectives. I'm excited about this story.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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I wish I had a six left, but sorry, I do not. This is great writing, and I can't wait to read more. I believe his story and am not sure I believe those men were detectives. I'm excited about this story.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much, Barbara, for your kind words and continued encouragement. It's always a pleasure to find out what you have to say. I knew by posting on Saturday that few would have sixes. But it isn't the star that motivate me, its talented writers like you who take time out of their busy days to read my foolishness. I appreciate YOU!
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Thank you. You're sweet. This is really good writing. I suffer from ADD and rarely is something good enough to hold my attention completely through it. This did.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Well! I hope this is part one of several (you've failed to give any clues wrt that), as it looks as though it could go the course. I particlarly loved the wordplay e.g. 'I'm far from hero, and close to zero', and the collapse of the witness protection identity. Yes, it could definitely run a while... Thanks for writing. Kate xx
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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Well! I hope this is part one of several (you've failed to give any clues wrt that), as it looks as though it could go the course. I particlarly loved the wordplay e.g. 'I'm far from hero, and close to zero', and the collapse of the witness protection identity. Yes, it could definitely run a while... Thanks for writing. Kate xx
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Kate, for your kind words and continued support. I just wrote this real quick and didn't give it a lot of thought as to whether I could add more chapters or just leave it as it is. I tried to create more questions than answers to make the readers think. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
To be perfectly clear, the first third of this submission was as foggy as
Mr. Richard C. Hoskins or Zambrano, whichever it ends up being. It is as if a bunch of verbs and adjectives were squeezed from a tube of toothpaste, but to leave on a positive note, the story was beginning to be captivating
until his drugs took affect. :-O
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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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To be perfectly clear, the first third of this submission was as foggy as
Mr. Richard C. Hoskins or Zambrano, whichever it ends up being. It is as if a bunch of verbs and adjectives were squeezed from a tube of toothpaste, but to leave on a positive note, the story was beginning to be captivating
until his drugs took affect. :-O
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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Thanks, Tom, for taking time out of your busy writing schedule to read my foolishness. Yes, I intentionally started it off with more description than would ever be needed, even on a doctor's report. Trying to create more questions than answers and leave readers wondering. Much appreciated!
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It worked.