Voice Mail
A message is left for the wrong number.43 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
Oh how horrible. This is truly a diabolical revenge story which is written as a mystery, building in suspense as it progresses. With your author notes, you've answered all the questions and covered all the bases. You've done a splendid job of fiction storytelling. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
  |
Oh how horrible. This is truly a diabolical revenge story which is written as a mystery, building in suspense as it progresses. With your author notes, you've answered all the questions and covered all the bases. You've done a splendid job of fiction storytelling. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I have been in situations where people I don't know have called and left messages for a person I am not and don't know. This story could very well have happened, and I bet it has.
You told the tale well and moved it along nicely, keeping the reader engaged all along. I only have one comment and that is on the last sentence, which I assume is the text your "unnamed fella" sent. Perhaps putting it in italics or in quotation marks or even stating "the text I sent her read as follows." I think that would clear up some confusion.
I was a little surprised at the text itself, but I assume surprise was the point.
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
|
I have been in situations where people I don't know have called and left messages for a person I am not and don't know. This story could very well have happened, and I bet it has.
You told the tale well and moved it along nicely, keeping the reader engaged all along. I only have one comment and that is on the last sentence, which I assume is the text your "unnamed fella" sent. Perhaps putting it in italics or in quotation marks or even stating "the text I sent her read as follows." I think that would clear up some confusion.
I was a little surprised at the text itself, but I assume surprise was the point.
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
Pam, great idea! Thank you.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
wow, this could be a three-way disaster if you would have returned the calls or even messaged the person(s) who sent you those messages. I am glad this is fiction because what would you have done if it was nonfiction?
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
|
wow, this could be a three-way disaster if you would have returned the calls or even messaged the person(s) who sent you those messages. I am glad this is fiction because what would you have done if it was nonfiction?
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
Rosemary, thank you for reading, you asked a good question.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I love it! Great work.
Now what's the slut to do? Hah!
Poor Dudley. Hah! I don't feel a bit sorry for him.
You wrote a very nice story, Good work.
Best wishes and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
 |
I love it! Great work.
Now what's the slut to do? Hah!
Poor Dudley. Hah! I don't feel a bit sorry for him.
You wrote a very nice story, Good work.
Best wishes and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
Thank you for the six-star review. I am delighted you were entertained.
Comment from Teri7
You did a really good job with this. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue for the messages. I enjoyed reading this. Great notes too! Teri
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
|
You did a really good job with this. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue for the messages. I enjoyed reading this. Great notes too! Teri
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
Teri, thank you very much.
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Nice job with messages and narrative. It told the story, flowed naturally and was realistic. I am not sure about the underlying concept of taking revenge on a stranger just because you have accidentally been pulled into the drama in that life, but let's face it, life is full of ironies just like way this story plays out.
I saw a few places where I thought the writing could have been tighter, (an example is below), but honestly nothing too significant.
Just small touches that might smooth things out a little. Otherwise, good job and good luck in the contest.
"I don't want dings, rings, and notifications of something I have no interest in hearing about to awaken me." My version: I don't want dings, rings and uninteresting notifications to wake me.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
|
Nice job with messages and narrative. It told the story, flowed naturally and was realistic. I am not sure about the underlying concept of taking revenge on a stranger just because you have accidentally been pulled into the drama in that life, but let's face it, life is full of ironies just like way this story plays out.
I saw a few places where I thought the writing could have been tighter, (an example is below), but honestly nothing too significant.
Just small touches that might smooth things out a little. Otherwise, good job and good luck in the contest.
"I don't want dings, rings, and notifications of something I have no interest in hearing about to awaken me." My version: I don't want dings, rings and uninteresting notifications to wake me.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
Thank you for reading and your input. I did make some minor edits. Thanks.
Comment from Tpa
I thought the first paragraph slowed the story down. The message itself would be a nice beginning. Give the reader suspense. Then, weave in second paragraph followed by the time of the first message. Then, continue text as written. GOOD LUCK
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
|
I thought the first paragraph slowed the story down. The message itself would be a nice beginning. Give the reader suspense. Then, weave in second paragraph followed by the time of the first message. Then, continue text as written. GOOD LUCK
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
Thank you for your observations. I do see your point. I might be able to make it work. I did a minor edit to the first paragraph. The flow looks logical to me. But yours is interesting, Thank you.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this writing prompt with us. I enjoyed reading and honestly believe this lady got what she deserved. She was cheating on her husband, so I also feel Dudley was saved of her doing the same thing to him. LOL
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
|
Thank you for sharing this writing prompt with us. I enjoyed reading and honestly believe this lady got what she deserved. She was cheating on her husband, so I also feel Dudley was saved of her doing the same thing to him. LOL
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
LOL, thank you for reading.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry read well, Mystery Author. I could see
this happening in real time. The unidentified caller is
desperate and gets even more so towards the end. Dudley
seems to be enjoying the calls since he gets so few real ones.
I liked the ending line--could be the text message he sent.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
|
Your contest entry read well, Mystery Author. I could see
this happening in real time. The unidentified caller is
desperate and gets even more so towards the end. Dudley
seems to be enjoying the calls since he gets so few real ones.
I liked the ending line--could be the text message he sent.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
Thank you very much for reading.
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
Very enjoyable. It kept me rapt till the end. Flawless writing, I can add nothing. I never listen to voicemail as it costs me money - but maybe I need to next time.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
|
Very enjoyable. It kept me rapt till the end. Flawless writing, I can add nothing. I never listen to voicemail as it costs me money - but maybe I need to next time.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
-
Thank you for reading.