The Challenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 4"Young Man Has Doubts About Becoming a Priest
33 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Two things strike me particularly about this scene. First, the number of sentences that don't get finished - to me this is a good point that adds realism to your script. Second Phillip using the terns 'oh Jesus' and 'oh, God'. I'm not a catholic, so I'm not sure, but it seems to me that someone who's been through the seminary and who's heading to be a priest wouldn't use these turns of phrase in this way. Also, I found the scene a bit long for the amount of 'action' that was happening. I light prune may be beneficial.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
  |
Two things strike me particularly about this scene. First, the number of sentences that don't get finished - to me this is a good point that adds realism to your script. Second Phillip using the terns 'oh Jesus' and 'oh, God'. I'm not a catholic, so I'm not sure, but it seems to me that someone who's been through the seminary and who's heading to be a priest wouldn't use these turns of phrase in this way. Also, I found the scene a bit long for the amount of 'action' that was happening. I light prune may be beneficial.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
-
Thank you, Katherine, for your suggestions and above all your candor. You may be right about Phillip's profanity. I appreciate your presence here.
Comment from tfawcus
Beautifully nuanced. This is a conversation that exposes the prejudices against homosexuals and the difficulties they faced back then and still experience now. I thought these phrases wonderfully well expressed:
You're forcing past ghosts into the future and trying to breathe life into them.
and
peeking up through the friendship camouflage
Did you mean I'd have pounced (on) them back then.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
 |
Beautifully nuanced. This is a conversation that exposes the prejudices against homosexuals and the difficulties they faced back then and still experience now. I thought these phrases wonderfully well expressed:
You're forcing past ghosts into the future and trying to breathe life into them.
and
peeking up through the friendship camouflage
Did you mean I'd have pounced (on) them back then.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
-
Thank you, my friend. I'll make that change. I had intended it without the "on" but it is a little strained. Meanwhile, I appreciate your reading this and reacting so positively to it. Your six made my night!
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
So Phillip thinks if Arthur gets a sex change operation it will "solve his problem"! Brilliant way to show the simplistc ignorance of the 1950s as to confusion of sexual orientation with gender identity. Compelling scene--intense interaction provides a rich and nuanced backstory. The characters are vividly rendered and the dialog is spot-on.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
|
So Phillip thinks if Arthur gets a sex change operation it will "solve his problem"! Brilliant way to show the simplistc ignorance of the 1950s as to confusion of sexual orientation with gender identity. Compelling scene--intense interaction provides a rich and nuanced backstory. The characters are vividly rendered and the dialog is spot-on.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Liz. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It didn't exactly say what I wanted it to say. But maybe next scene.