Two Christmas Gifts
Giving someone a chance28 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks expressively a story about an unhappy boy taught about exchange of Christmas gifts and to get two gifts of love for Jesus and gifts came to him as surprise; I like. DR ALCREATOR
  |
This speaks expressively a story about an unhappy boy taught about exchange of Christmas gifts and to get two gifts of love for Jesus and gifts came to him as surprise; I like. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
Comment from Spitfire
I think I remember a similar story from last year. This goes one better. I hope it made an impression on the children. I remember how we shunned a girl in kindergarten because of her unkempt appearance and runny nose.
|
I think I remember a similar story from last year. This goes one better. I hope it made an impression on the children. I remember how we shunned a girl in kindergarten because of her unkempt appearance and runny nose.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
Comment from Dean Kuch
They drew names for the person with whom they would exchange gifts. Nathan pulled out his green card and the name was John Charles. Nathan attempted to stop the tear that sneaked from his eye. How could he buy something for the bully who teased and tried to hurt him everyday? ... The Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn't He, Lois? He'll often present situations like the one Nathan faced here with John Charles to teach us a lesson.
I believe John Charles learned a thing or two himself.
This was a wonderfully well written Christmas story.
 |
They drew names for the person with whom they would exchange gifts. Nathan pulled out his green card and the name was John Charles. Nathan attempted to stop the tear that sneaked from his eye. How could he buy something for the bully who teased and tried to hurt him everyday? ... The Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn't He, Lois? He'll often present situations like the one Nathan faced here with John Charles to teach us a lesson.
I believe John Charles learned a thing or two himself.
This was a wonderfully well written Christmas story.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2017
Comment from patcelaw
Lois this is a loving and touching story. Children who grow up in homes where there is fighting and yelling, many ti,,es will become bullies. Good luck in the contest. Patricia
|
Lois this is a loving and touching story. Children who grow up in homes where there is fighting and yelling, many ti,,es will become bullies. Good luck in the contest. Patricia
Comment Written 05-Dec-2017
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is an interesting story for the 'Christmas Story' writing prompt.
The picture is a good match as well.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
|
This is an interesting story for the 'Christmas Story' writing prompt.
The picture is a good match as well.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 05-Dec-2017
Comment from Poetic Friend
This has all of the making of a perfect Christmas story -- love, humanistic message, spirituality (the birth of Jesus), forgiveness, friendship, heart and magic. This is the type of story that leads one to tears because of its beauty message.
My only suggestion is to perhaps to re-write one of the below sentences so "John Charles" does not appear back to back. Written as is, it seems the words are repeated.
He was scared of John Charles. John Charles pushed him down, chased him until his asthma made him stop, and then wouldn't let him play ball with the group.
Fine writing, Loanna. You should be proud of this story.
|
This has all of the making of a perfect Christmas story -- love, humanistic message, spirituality (the birth of Jesus), forgiveness, friendship, heart and magic. This is the type of story that leads one to tears because of its beauty message.
My only suggestion is to perhaps to re-write one of the below sentences so "John Charles" does not appear back to back. Written as is, it seems the words are repeated.
He was scared of John Charles. John Charles pushed him down, chased him until his asthma made him stop, and then wouldn't let him play ball with the group.
Fine writing, Loanna. You should be proud of this story.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2017
Comment from Cass Carlton
This is an excellent example of a morality story written for children. The characters are clearly drawn, the language plain and easy to hear and understand for young ears and minds. the story is sweet and gentle, with a big payoff at the end. How lucky you are to present your own story to a live audience. I'll bet they loved every word and applauded rapturously. Well done with this.So many get so bound up in the symbolism and their own ego they kinda forget their original purpose. This ticks all the boxes . Nice one . cheers Cass
|
This is an excellent example of a morality story written for children. The characters are clearly drawn, the language plain and easy to hear and understand for young ears and minds. the story is sweet and gentle, with a big payoff at the end. How lucky you are to present your own story to a live audience. I'll bet they loved every word and applauded rapturously. Well done with this.So many get so bound up in the symbolism and their own ego they kinda forget their original purpose. This ticks all the boxes . Nice one . cheers Cass
Comment Written 05-Dec-2017
Comment from Teri7
This is a great and emotional story you have penned for Christmas time. It is so great you read it to children. You used very good descriptive wording and great imagery with your words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
This is a great and emotional story you have penned for Christmas time. It is so great you read it to children. You used very good descriptive wording and great imagery with your words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2017