A Glimpse
poetic prose on mental illness24 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Hi Jimi. Love your title. You did indeed give your reader a tiny glimpse of the hopes and dreams that one has for their child as they grow from infancy to adulthood, and the sadness that comes with seeing them live with bipolar depression.
"Fading, fading, fading ... gone" ... speaks volumes. Your piece is so very well written. This part jumps off the page ... "The autumnal juncture of life spread a dark cloud. Heavy. Unrelenting. Unforgiving. Trapping her soaring spirit into the caisson of a spider's lullaby." ... terrific wording!
Very well written, Jimi! ~ ~ Connie
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Hi Jimi. Love your title. You did indeed give your reader a tiny glimpse of the hopes and dreams that one has for their child as they grow from infancy to adulthood, and the sadness that comes with seeing them live with bipolar depression.
"Fading, fading, fading ... gone" ... speaks volumes. Your piece is so very well written. This part jumps off the page ... "The autumnal juncture of life spread a dark cloud. Heavy. Unrelenting. Unforgiving. Trapping her soaring spirit into the caisson of a spider's lullaby." ... terrific wording!
Very well written, Jimi! ~ ~ Connie
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Comment Written 02-Jul-2017
Comment from Pantygynt
I am not sure whether this should be considered a variation on the haibun or a prose poem with added senryu.
If forced to make a decision I think I would go for the latter as the prose is too beautiful, too poetic to be considered as the prose element of a haibun.
I was particularly impressed with this line,
"Trapping her soaring spirit into the Caisson of a spider's lullaby."
If I have any criticism of this it would be in the manner of punctuation, which implies sentences where none actually exist. The quoted line above is indeed a case in point. It is these grammatical errors that force me, somewhat reluctantly, to award this a five star grading rather than the six it would otherwise deserve.
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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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I am not sure whether this should be considered a variation on the haibun or a prose poem with added senryu.
If forced to make a decision I think I would go for the latter as the prose is too beautiful, too poetic to be considered as the prose element of a haibun.
I was particularly impressed with this line,
"Trapping her soaring spirit into the Caisson of a spider's lullaby."
If I have any criticism of this it would be in the manner of punctuation, which implies sentences where none actually exist. The quoted line above is indeed a case in point. It is these grammatical errors that force me, somewhat reluctantly, to award this a five star grading rather than the six it would otherwise deserve.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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Jim, thank you for your time and review. It's appreciated so very much. Actually, I never know what to call my work, for truly haibun and poetic prose leave me in befuddlement. Thus punctuation, though I truly know how to punctuate properly. Lol. Sometimes miss the mark. In my work, I get lost on protocol.
I need to write more and reach out to try different forms, and I have tried, some somewhat successfully and others completely laughable. This is where I am most comfortable and I know I need to understand the mechanics better. Again, thank you. I am honored.
Jimi
Comment from Mabaker
What a beautiful tribute Jimi. The occasion of a spiders lullaby. I can't spin words like you, so I always feel in awe. I loved that so much, so very much. Thank you dear friend. Love U Anne.
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What a beautiful tribute Jimi. The occasion of a spiders lullaby. I can't spin words like you, so I always feel in awe. I loved that so much, so very much. Thank you dear friend. Love U Anne.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2017
Comment from Nika2016
Trapping her spirit into the caisson of a spider's lullaby...vivid imagery! The poem aptly describes the heartbreak of this illness. My son is bipolar. I was lost in trying to help his mood swings, but finally he has stabilized...
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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Trapping her spirit into the caisson of a spider's lullaby...vivid imagery! The poem aptly describes the heartbreak of this illness. My son is bipolar. I was lost in trying to help his mood swings, but finally he has stabilized...
Comment Written 02-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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Nika, then this is dedicated to you as well. All to well I am familiar with bi polar, but only with acquaintances. It is devastating. Absolutely and undeniably. I have just been focused on mental health lately as my daughter in laws mother is a schizophrenic. It is so very sad. One of my dearest and closest friends is a psychologist and he too suffers from this malady.
Thank you sincerely dear friend. You are always here. I am usually not up so late. A lot of people and their struggles have been on my mind. I know I am truly blessed.
My heart is with you and your son.
Again a big thank you!!!
Jimi