River of Pain
Just a foray into the darkness26 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the dark side of your inner being. It is good to let it out of your system. We all have a dark side we mostly hide from others, but there is times that we need to let it out.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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A very well-written poem about the dark side of your inner being. It is good to let it out of your system. We all have a dark side we mostly hide from others, but there is times that we need to let it out.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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Sandra, I believe that you are right. I'm going to be letting my dark side come out more in the future, but I'm definitely not going to abandon the faery world. Thank you for your review!
Merry Christmas,
jeni
Comment from DLBoo
Hello Luna & Jeni,
Your poem is wonderful. It shows the pain your heart is going through. I thank you for sharing your story with us and being able to tell us just a little bit about you and what your poetry is about.
I addressed this to both the writer and the muse as you were kind enough to give us your Muse's name. As my muse stays in my head and chooses not to come forth to take any credit for his participation in what I write, but lets face it he has a lot to do with it.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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Hello Luna & Jeni,
Your poem is wonderful. It shows the pain your heart is going through. I thank you for sharing your story with us and being able to tell us just a little bit about you and what your poetry is about.
I addressed this to both the writer and the muse as you were kind enough to give us your Muse's name. As my muse stays in my head and chooses not to come forth to take any credit for his participation in what I write, but lets face it he has a lot to do with it.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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My friend, THANK YOU for the kind six-star review. I am so honored you thought this write worth one of your six stars.
Yes, my muse, Luna, comes with me everywhere I go. I'm constantly jotting down notes when she puts ideas in my head.
Again, DLBoo, thank you so much for this exceptional review!
Comment from Pantygynt
I am not sure what form this poem is trying to take. I can detect a meter and then it vanishes. I detect ascattered rhyme and there is nothing wrong with that in free verse, but it is this really free verse. I found the form bewildering. Maybe I was supposed to. After all we are being poled down the river of pain presumably that is the Styx and Charon the ferryman is in charge.
I wonder what you think of it after ten years.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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I am not sure what form this poem is trying to take. I can detect a meter and then it vanishes. I detect ascattered rhyme and there is nothing wrong with that in free verse, but it is this really free verse. I found the form bewildering. Maybe I was supposed to. After all we are being poled down the river of pain presumably that is the Styx and Charon the ferryman is in charge.
I wonder what you think of it after ten years.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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Dear friend, this poem has no form, it was a free verse, and I should have mentioned that in my Author's notes. the rhyme, believe me was unintentional.
I appreciate your read and I hope that this help you with understanding it. I wrote it 2006. I was going to revise it, but I decided to leave it as it originally was written. Oh, to answer your question, after ten years I must confess I still like it, not that I ever really "like" a piece of poetry. I thought it was still apt for me. This is not about my son, nor anything I'm writing, just something I penned years ago when I had a master; we were both very into the dark side. I still love the night and Moon, stars, and of course the faery folk, more than the day!
Always,
luna
Comment from papa55mike
Wow, that's really good. I love the dark feel to it. Reminds me of a Poe poem. A couple of things. You have a couple type-o's. No Porter can caary (carry) my bags. Take it, uou (you) devils you. I know your pain is doubled this time of year but know that many blessings are flowing your way. This needs to be in a contest. I wish I had a six for you.
Merry Christmas!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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Wow, that's really good. I love the dark feel to it. Reminds me of a Poe poem. A couple of things. You have a couple type-o's. No Porter can caary (carry) my bags. Take it, uou (you) devils you. I know your pain is doubled this time of year but know that many blessings are flowing your way. This needs to be in a contest. I wish I had a six for you.
Merry Christmas!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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Thanks so much Mike. I believe if you check you'll see I've corrected the typos. If they're still there please PM me. Thanks for your kind review. Oh, well, I don't believe there are any contests regarding this subject, ...
Anyway, thanks for your read and review.
Merry Christmas,
Comment from picolen
Very beautiful flow and the words created a vivid image. We can see you pack your bags , prepare with not only acceptance but almost a melancholic calm joy the desteny of traveling down this river.
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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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Very beautiful flow and the words created a vivid image. We can see you pack your bags , prepare with not only acceptance but almost a melancholic calm joy the desteny of traveling down this river.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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Dear picolen, I thank you for your gracious, positive review. I just have one question, you rated this poem with a 4 star rating which means "needs improvement." Could be willing to tell me what I need to change to make this better?
Thanks so much.
Merry Christmas,
luna
Comment from wondertwin
What a great job you've done in drawing the reader into the boat...at least their own boat that's waiting in the murky waters. Well done. Blessings, AmyJo
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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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What a great job you've done in drawing the reader into the boat...at least their own boat that's waiting in the murky waters. Well done. Blessings, AmyJo
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2016
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Thanks so much, AmyJo! I'm happy that you enjoyed the poem and thank you for your kind review!
Merry Christmas,
luna