My Professional Pedicure Nightmare
An excerpt from my 2007 annual family Christmas letter42 total reviews
Comment from thonnigford09
This was an excellent and humorous story. I have had similar disheartening issues around my home! The older I get the worse these problems get. I do love to get my nails done!!!!! Wonderful. Thanks and I would recommend this. Could find no fault. thonnigford09.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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This was an excellent and humorous story. I have had similar disheartening issues around my home! The older I get the worse these problems get. I do love to get my nails done!!!!! Wonderful. Thanks and I would recommend this. Could find no fault. thonnigford09.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for your rating and review, and for hanging in for a longer read. Very much appreciated. Have a great week!
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Thanks, you too.
Comment from cterp
Choking on tears of laughter. I think you must be a sister-in-law of mine. This sounds exactly like something she would do. The funniest story I have read in a long time. You should easily be able to sell that.
One subtle little typo: table cloth(e)s
chris
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2016
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Choking on tears of laughter. I think you must be a sister-in-law of mine. This sounds exactly like something she would do. The funniest story I have read in a long time. You should easily be able to sell that.
One subtle little typo: table cloth(e)s
chris
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much, Chris, for the exceptional SIX, and for the catch on tablecloth!
I appreciate your encouragement more than you know!
Comment from TAB_that's me
You date yourself by saying 'rubber thong' - nowdays, thongs are underwear :) I still call flip flops, thongs too.
This same thing (the underwear thing) happened once to me too. Sooooo embarrassing!!!
You write with such humor. I love the 'leather thong' story.
Soooo fun Mary. Sorry for your embarrassment but I'm glad you can share and laugh about it.
Teresa
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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You date yourself by saying 'rubber thong' - nowdays, thongs are underwear :) I still call flip flops, thongs too.
This same thing (the underwear thing) happened once to me too. Sooooo embarrassing!!!
You write with such humor. I love the 'leather thong' story.
Soooo fun Mary. Sorry for your embarrassment but I'm glad you can share and laugh about it.
Teresa
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much, Teresa for your review and rating, (and sympathies, hahaha)!
Thank you for the extra effort in reading a loooong one :) Happy Tuesday!
Comment from Mastery
What great writing this is, Mary. LOL....LOL....LMAO. I have often wanted some woman to write an article on this since I too was brought up in the clod-hopper rubber shoe era of the fifties. LOL
Grand the way you explained the change. LOL LOL
"I failed to receive the Cease and Desist notification announcing the change in definition that took place sometime in the early 1990's, according to my kids. My obvious lack of knowledge concerning this change would come to 'bare' while in the presence of my pre-teen daughters and teenage sons every time I unknowingly embarrassed them with outbursts such as "Will you please put your thongs where they belong so I don't trip over them"; "The dog ate your brand new thongs again"; "Damn, the cement is hot, can you run and get me my thongs please", and on occasion, the rare and emotional "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I nearly killed myself when my thong slipped on the wet sidewalk". You get the drift...
Etc etc. Bravo! Great job, author, Mary. X Bob
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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What great writing this is, Mary. LOL....LOL....LMAO. I have often wanted some woman to write an article on this since I too was brought up in the clod-hopper rubber shoe era of the fifties. LOL
Grand the way you explained the change. LOL LOL
"I failed to receive the Cease and Desist notification announcing the change in definition that took place sometime in the early 1990's, according to my kids. My obvious lack of knowledge concerning this change would come to 'bare' while in the presence of my pre-teen daughters and teenage sons every time I unknowingly embarrassed them with outbursts such as "Will you please put your thongs where they belong so I don't trip over them"; "The dog ate your brand new thongs again"; "Damn, the cement is hot, can you run and get me my thongs please", and on occasion, the rare and emotional "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I nearly killed myself when my thong slipped on the wet sidewalk". You get the drift...
Etc etc. Bravo! Great job, author, Mary. X Bob
Comment Written 18-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for this fabulous review, Bob. Great to hear from you, too. I have visions of you coming out of your Hemingway man cave every now and then, pulling away from your great stories. I am honored by your words and for the commitment to a longer read. I was hit up a few times for the length, but I really didn't want to lose any of it...it's a challenge I have no doubt relating to my Irish heritage...we are wordy ones. Thank you again, and for the wonderful SIX! I love seeing those attached to my work. Have a great week.
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Very good job, Mary. :) Bob
Comment from Marvin Calloway
Mary
This piece is probably worth an extra star for being the longest piece of hilariousness I've ever read. I never knew non-fiction could be so funny.
So many clever phrases in one submission. You are, indeed, a wordsmith of the highest order.
Marv
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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Mary
This piece is probably worth an extra star for being the longest piece of hilariousness I've ever read. I never knew non-fiction could be so funny.
So many clever phrases in one submission. You are, indeed, a wordsmith of the highest order.
Marv
Comment Written 18-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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Hi Marvin, how I've missed you! Thank you for your fabulous review of my 'pants on the ground' adventure :) I loved reading your comments and was especially thrilled to have a SIX endowed upon my Jockey's! Your compliment as to the wordsmith reference...oh my goodness, put me over the top!
Thank you so very much for hanging in for the longer read, and for your awesome review! Have a great evening!
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How many words were there?
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The last time I looked on my word doc, it was at 2500! :/ I know, it's a problem likely related to my Irish heritage. A few reviewers noted it was too damn long! :)
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Mary
Thanks for the word count.
BTW. I'm one fifth Irish.
Marvin
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The last time I looked on my word doc, it was at 2500! :/ I know, it's a problem likely related to my Irish heritage. A few reviewers noted it was too damn long! :)
Comment from Unspoken94
This one didn't make me smile. It made burst out loud laughing!
Of all that I have read of yours,Mary, this is, hands down, the best. The
best! I'm still imagining this Vietnamese Ninja. And I don't want to
imagine your thongs! Well done. -Bill
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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This one didn't make me smile. It made burst out loud laughing!
Of all that I have read of yours,Mary, this is, hands down, the best. The
best! I'm still imagining this Vietnamese Ninja. And I don't want to
imagine your thongs! Well done. -Bill
Comment Written 18-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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Bill, I so enjoyed reading your review. Your assignment of a SIX being bestowed upon my Jockey's was extra fabulous for me. I thank you so very much for your continued interest, and for committing to a longer read...a rare commodity I am finding here on FS. Have an awesome week!
Comment from fimarie78
I wish I had a six. This was hilarious. I am definitely laughing with you and not at you. Perfect description of the Vietnamese talking amongst themselves in their mother tongue. I love how you refer to your piggies.
thank you for the smile
Fiona
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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I wish I had a six. This was hilarious. I am definitely laughing with you and not at you. Perfect description of the Vietnamese talking amongst themselves in their mother tongue. I love how you refer to your piggies.
thank you for the smile
Fiona
Comment Written 18-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Fiona, for the awesome review. Most appreciated. I will take a 'if only' six any day! I appreciate you hanging in for the longer read, so much. I'm finding that to be a rare quality on FS. Have a wonderful day!
Comment from barkingdog
I felt queasy at visualizing months of unshaved leg hair and then stopped reading all together when you mentioned toe jam.
The writing seemed fine but these things turned me off. Sorry.
One correction:
- I feel impelled(compelled) to offer background
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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I felt queasy at visualizing months of unshaved leg hair and then stopped reading all together when you mentioned toe jam.
The writing seemed fine but these things turned me off. Sorry.
One correction:
- I feel impelled(compelled) to offer background
Comment Written 18-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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Hi Ellen, thank you for your five star review in spite of the premature turn off. I get it, I'm not for everyone, and either is my writing. :) I appreciate the catch on compelled. It is amazing to me that I still miss things given the amount of times I go over my work before posting. Have a great day and sorry about the upset.
Comment from Gloria ....
I love the thong on the rhino. I'm pretty sure I saw that chicka on the beach.
This is incredibly hilarious story, Mary. And one I can see many of us relating to. It's just bizarre how this kind of thing just seems to happen. LOL.
Lots of great asides, current and all the best old shows. Green Acres? It's been awhile.
Terrific job.
Gloria
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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I love the thong on the rhino. I'm pretty sure I saw that chicka on the beach.
This is incredibly hilarious story, Mary. And one I can see many of us relating to. It's just bizarre how this kind of thing just seems to happen. LOL.
Lots of great asides, current and all the best old shows. Green Acres? It's been awhile.
Terrific job.
Gloria
Comment Written 18-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Gloria, for the excellent review and comments. I very much appreciate you taking the time to read a long one. Wordy is the only way I know how to write it seems, did you think it was too long? Thanks again and have a great day!
Comment from Spitfire
I can not for the life of me figure out how this could happen. Did you take off the sweats and accidentally the pants too? Then put the pant back on?
A little confusing but I could relate to the story about thongs. When teaching the newer generation, I used the word in its old connotation. Boy, did they laugh.
Oh, and I loved the rant about today's prompts and the cost! What a spoiled generation.
I felt you had three essays in one here and got off the track of your point. Still the humor was delightful. Love your metaphors and similes. My favorite hyperbole:
The proms my kids' attended would have necessitated a second mortgage on the family home in the 70's.
Best observation:
There is something delightful in witnessing mortified and exasperated expressions on your own pimply faced, dental braced, prepubescent teenagers. It is a priceless gift that the universe every so often rewards for the sleep kids suck from us throughout their transformation to adulthood.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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I can not for the life of me figure out how this could happen. Did you take off the sweats and accidentally the pants too? Then put the pant back on?
A little confusing but I could relate to the story about thongs. When teaching the newer generation, I used the word in its old connotation. Boy, did they laugh.
Oh, and I loved the rant about today's prompts and the cost! What a spoiled generation.
I felt you had three essays in one here and got off the track of your point. Still the humor was delightful. Love your metaphors and similes. My favorite hyperbole:
The proms my kids' attended would have necessitated a second mortgage on the family home in the 70's.
Best observation:
There is something delightful in witnessing mortified and exasperated expressions on your own pimply faced, dental braced, prepubescent teenagers. It is a priceless gift that the universe every so often rewards for the sleep kids suck from us throughout their transformation to adulthood.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2016
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Shari, the way it happened...I removed my sweats and underwear the day before in one swoop before throwing them in the dirty clothes hamper. Not realizing (or feeling them) in my pant leg when in haste I grabbed them out of the hamper the following day, the undies popped out when I rolled my sweat pant leg up at the salon...You are third or fourth person who indicated length in story might be an issue, so I will have to consider that. Thanks so much for the review and the SIX :) Have a great day!