What's To Find Within
Children's Story In a Poem22 total reviews
Comment from Deborah Marie
Virtual six! Clever way to enter the contest; good luck. Presented well as a children's story in a poem. Nice imagery due to clever use of descriptive words, light and airy progression, rhythm and flow. Nice balance among words. I'm a kid at who enjoyed reading this a lot, Deb
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Virtual six! Clever way to enter the contest; good luck. Presented well as a children's story in a poem. Nice imagery due to clever use of descriptive words, light and airy progression, rhythm and flow. Nice balance among words. I'm a kid at who enjoyed reading this a lot, Deb
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
Comment from Domino 2
Thanks for entering, Mikey, and I see you've put a lot of work into this one.
Blimey - I wish I'd included a word limit rule now, though my entry isn't exactly short. ;-)
Very well thought out tale of the battle between good and evil, probably more suitable for, and understandable to, the not so young kids...but the rules don't specify an age-group, so that's not a problem.
Excellent dialogue to expand the action, and a positive ending message that good is stronger than evil.
My one minor nit-pick is I'd like more detailed imagery, and maybe a little more fun, though you do display some imagery which could, with respect, be expanded on, in my humble opinion.
However, I reckon this is a definite strong contender.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Thanks for entering, Mikey, and I see you've put a lot of work into this one.
Blimey - I wish I'd included a word limit rule now, though my entry isn't exactly short. ;-)
Very well thought out tale of the battle between good and evil, probably more suitable for, and understandable to, the not so young kids...but the rules don't specify an age-group, so that's not a problem.
Excellent dialogue to expand the action, and a positive ending message that good is stronger than evil.
My one minor nit-pick is I'd like more detailed imagery, and maybe a little more fun, though you do display some imagery which could, with respect, be expanded on, in my humble opinion.
However, I reckon this is a definite strong contender.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Hi. Thanks Ray. I ran out of time to tell you the truth. The stupid thing doesn't fit in the new format so I wasted a long time trying to fit it in. It STILL doesn't fit! You must have some great eyesight to be able to read it. Ha! I'll take your advice I think after the contest perhaps and see if I can add some more imagery. It is a little thin and it's awkward in a couple spots. (See how kind I am to myself!) Good contest. Good luck to you. I'll try to review yours before long, I have to go back to E.R. and pick up a client. mikey
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Thanks for your welcome and gracious reply, Mikey.
I reviewed it on, 'classic', as the type is bigger than on the rotten new FS version, though you're right - it's still a bit small, especially for my old peepers.
Have a great day.
Cheers, Ray.