Mango and Ranger Joe
A Mango & Bert story31 total reviews
Comment from LovnPeace
This is a fine writing ans is a great moral lesson for little ones to learn. We adults could take a page from it. Do not be a false rumors witness. Well done. Blessings. Barbara
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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This is a fine writing ans is a great moral lesson for little ones to learn. We adults could take a page from it. Do not be a false rumors witness. Well done. Blessings. Barbara
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Barbara. I'm glad you enjoyed this.
John
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Brilliant! This is such a good lesson for children, (and some adults!) John, and turning this into a fun story was a really clever idea. I still want to know what Mango heard! LOL, Not that I'm a gossip of course, I'd promise not to tell anyone else! LOL. This was a real pleasure to read, my friend! xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Brilliant! This is such a good lesson for children, (and some adults!) John, and turning this into a fun story was a really clever idea. I still want to know what Mango heard! LOL, Not that I'm a gossip of course, I'd promise not to tell anyone else! LOL. This was a real pleasure to read, my friend! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Do you think that would benefit the story, revealing what she thought she heard?
Thank you Sandra, for the generous rating and review. Always appreciated. john
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No, I don't, because that would take away the lesson. There will always be someone who will listen to gossip and repeat nasty things without listening to the truth. I was only joking, I'm just nosey! It is perfect as it is, John. :)
Comment from adewpearl
She needed to confirm, so she - add comma
Mango, a five year old beagle, =- add second comma
excellent dialogue - clapping paws together, good non-verbal communication too
I love the characters
I'm sorry, guys - add comma for direct address
you teach a meaningful lesson in good story form :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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She needed to confirm, so she - add comma
Mango, a five year old beagle, =- add second comma
excellent dialogue - clapping paws together, good non-verbal communication too
I love the characters
I'm sorry, guys - add comma for direct address
you teach a meaningful lesson in good story form :-) Brooke
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Brooke. Always appreciated. John
Comment from Mastery
Hi, John. This is some clever writing...clever plot and very clever characters. The only thing I would suggest is to give the dogs their own personalities that fit them better as we know them. For instance, Hugo would not clap his hands like a girl...rather have him possess a deep voice and a Brer Bear type sound...Have the bieagle be sniffing for food all the time as they are known hunting dogs. Know what I mean?
I may be all wet here, but just a suggestion. Good job as is...and as you always give us. Take care. Bob
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Hi, John. This is some clever writing...clever plot and very clever characters. The only thing I would suggest is to give the dogs their own personalities that fit them better as we know them. For instance, Hugo would not clap his hands like a girl...rather have him possess a deep voice and a Brer Bear type sound...Have the bieagle be sniffing for food all the time as they are known hunting dogs. Know what I mean?
I may be all wet here, but just a suggestion. Good job as is...and as you always give us. Take care. Bob
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Bob for those suggestions. I'll keep it in mind. I appreciate your time to read and review. John
Comment from alexisleech
An excellent story to share with children (although quite a few adults could learn from this as well!)Having said that, the UK is now rife with court cases regarding molestation of youngsters in the eighties and nineties by very respected celebrities who, like Ranger Joe, appeared to be wonderful do-gooders. I suppose the most important thing is to get a happy medium. Make children trust who they can trust, but tell someone when they think they can't.
Alexis x
Your(You're)learning."
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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An excellent story to share with children (although quite a few adults could learn from this as well!)Having said that, the UK is now rife with court cases regarding molestation of youngsters in the eighties and nineties by very respected celebrities who, like Ranger Joe, appeared to be wonderful do-gooders. I suppose the most important thing is to get a happy medium. Make children trust who they can trust, but tell someone when they think they can't.
Alexis x
Your(You're)learning."
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Alexis, thank you very much for reading and reviewing. John
Comment from MusingsOfMWH
This is a great story for kids. It's fun, has animals they would like, and you get your message across that rumors are not only harmful, they're not worth anyone's time.
There were a few spots I found some things to check:
* She needed to confirm so she turned to her friend Slushie.
Try: She needed to confirm what she heard was right, so she turned to her friend Slushie.
*We got a problem.
To: We've got a problem. Or: We have a problem.
*Your learning.
To: You're learning. Or: You are learning.
Anyway, those things aside, what you've written for your short story "Mango and Ranger Joe" is wonderful children's fiction. Great work.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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This is a great story for kids. It's fun, has animals they would like, and you get your message across that rumors are not only harmful, they're not worth anyone's time.
There were a few spots I found some things to check:
* She needed to confirm so she turned to her friend Slushie.
Try: She needed to confirm what she heard was right, so she turned to her friend Slushie.
*We got a problem.
To: We've got a problem. Or: We have a problem.
*Your learning.
To: You're learning. Or: You are learning.
Anyway, those things aside, what you've written for your short story "Mango and Ranger Joe" is wonderful children's fiction. Great work.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Thank you. I most certainly appreciate your reading and correcting. I scour before I release and still have those errors. It's frustrating.
Thank you, John
Comment from MelReyn
My oldest twin who's a young 6 would enjoy this story. She loves dogs and was into Magic Puppy there for a while. As the parent, I like that the story teaches a lesson about gossip but in a way that they could understand it. Very nice work.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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My oldest twin who's a young 6 would enjoy this story. She loves dogs and was into Magic Puppy there for a while. As the parent, I like that the story teaches a lesson about gossip but in a way that they could understand it. Very nice work.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Hi Mel... Haven't heard from you in a while. I got your post in my message box.
Thank you for reading and sharing with me. As always, I appreciate it.
John
Comment from Eric1
Hi jmdg, You have created a really wonderful children's story here my friend, It is also an opportunity to develop your wonderful well named character into even further adventures.
You have also taken the opportunity to put in a moral, which I feel personally is always good.
I am sure that placed in the right age group this brilliant story would do well.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Hi jmdg, You have created a really wonderful children's story here my friend, It is also an opportunity to develop your wonderful well named character into even further adventures.
You have also taken the opportunity to put in a moral, which I feel personally is always good.
I am sure that placed in the right age group this brilliant story would do well.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Eric, I've written a number of Mango and Bert stories over the past 18 months. I don't know how to take the next step -story betterment and publishing.
Thank you for reading and sharing. John
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You certainly don't need to worry about betterment John, you shuold send a short scenario off to children's book publishers or if in doubt seek out an agent, they should snap you up with this talent my friend,
I always found the Writers and Artistes yearbook very helpful for both.
Comment from fimarie78
This is a captivating story and I like your characters. Nice alliteration on the animal names. I wonder if rejuvenate and diminished could be simplified for the younger readers. I loved the way the story was fun and exciting, but also had a moral message.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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This is a captivating story and I like your characters. Nice alliteration on the animal names. I wonder if rejuvenate and diminished could be simplified for the younger readers. I loved the way the story was fun and exciting, but also had a moral message.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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You could be right about the words, but if a parent is reading it to them, they have the ability to explain.
I do appreciate your reading and sharing.
Any time... John
Comment from c_lucas
Rumors are in the same category as lies. They can hurt more than they can help. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Rumors are in the same category as lies. They can hurt more than they can help. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Thank you Charlie for reading. John
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You're welcome, John. Charlie