war's toll extended
contest entry-dbl 5-7-530 total reviews
Comment from TAB_that's me
Wow Mikey, I don't know why exactly but this just really touched me. It is much deeper than it appears on the surface. Good luck in the contest.
Teresa
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Wow Mikey, I don't know why exactly but this just really touched me. It is much deeper than it appears on the surface. Good luck in the contest.
Teresa
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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It think you may have tapped into what I really intended to get across with it. I am so thrilled that you felt the underlying meaning. I just wanted to paint a picture with the empty canoe and the ripples on the water that implied something entered the water and isn't there anymore. Also something must be hanging from the tree limb to make it bend. Well, obscure, but I think you got the feel of it. Thank you so, so much. Mikey
Comment from krys123
Mikey;
a superbly visual and intensely descriptive along with being very expressive piece of poetry: "... child breathes last gasp of fall/ winter saw nothing". a very metaphoric in superbly descriptive lines.
your imagination is truly inventive and ingeniously creative in your thought process which is nothing more than amazing.
Thank you so much for sharing and posting this and may the Lord be with you always Mikey.
Alex
PS: I started Digital's studio using the computer with a software called Presonus. You should check it out.
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Mikey;
a superbly visual and intensely descriptive along with being very expressive piece of poetry: "... child breathes last gasp of fall/ winter saw nothing". a very metaphoric in superbly descriptive lines.
your imagination is truly inventive and ingeniously creative in your thought process which is nothing more than amazing.
Thank you so much for sharing and posting this and may the Lord be with you always Mikey.
Alex
PS: I started Digital's studio using the computer with a software called Presonus. You should check it out.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the poem. The collateral damage of war should not be tolerated. Innocent children are killed. The never know a minute of peace while they are alive. They are being trained to be the next haters and the next fighters. Great work.
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I love the poem. The collateral damage of war should not be tolerated. Innocent children are killed. The never know a minute of peace while they are alive. They are being trained to be the next haters and the next fighters. Great work.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is a unique entry into the double 5 7 5 contest, Michael, great imagery presented in the first paragraph most of all. I wish you the best of luck in the contest
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this is a unique entry into the double 5 7 5 contest, Michael, great imagery presented in the first paragraph most of all. I wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from MissMerri
I thought this was a perfect response to this rather demanding, but challenging prompt. If I had any sixes left, I'd have to give this a six. I can't see a single thing I'd want to change. I especially enjoyed the spying moon and the ripples in the water "telling their tale." So creative! Beautifully done poem. I think it will be a top contender in this contest.
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I thought this was a perfect response to this rather demanding, but challenging prompt. If I had any sixes left, I'd have to give this a six. I can't see a single thing I'd want to change. I especially enjoyed the spying moon and the ripples in the water "telling their tale." So creative! Beautifully done poem. I think it will be a top contender in this contest.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from royowen
I liked the clever usage of language to connect, in my mind anyway, the two stanzas of the poem, it's extremely difficult to get some cohesion in this type presentation, but gads, methinks you've done or! Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
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I liked the clever usage of language to connect, in my mind anyway, the two stanzas of the poem, it's extremely difficult to get some cohesion in this type presentation, but gads, methinks you've done or! Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
I think I understand this. The canoe is empty because someone has jumped out and likely drowned as evidenced by the ripples. Suicide I am guessing. Her child hanging from a tree limb breathing its last breath. The spouse killed in war and the family collateral damage. Genius.
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I think I understand this. The canoe is empty because someone has jumped out and likely drowned as evidenced by the ripples. Suicide I am guessing. Her child hanging from a tree limb breathing its last breath. The spouse killed in war and the family collateral damage. Genius.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from Domino 2
Thanks for finally submitting, Mikey. :-)
Excellent imagery in both stanzas, and I particularly like both 'detached' but connected satoris.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray.
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Thanks for finally submitting, Mikey. :-)
Excellent imagery in both stanzas, and I particularly like both 'detached' but connected satoris.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Tough keeping to the syllable count and fulfilling all the other criteria. Good use of imagery and descriptive language. Well chosen words to convey your message. Good luck in the contest. Faye
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Tough keeping to the syllable count and fulfilling all the other criteria. Good use of imagery and descriptive language. Well chosen words to convey your message. Good luck in the contest. Faye
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
Comment from Dean Kuch
For some reason, the only contests I feel I'm ever qualified to enter are always blind contests. Once, just once, I wish a contest I felt comfortable enough to write and entertain my readers in wasn't a blind one.
Nice alliteration in your 31 syllable poem, Mike. You also followed the rules (quite a few rules, at that!) to the letter.
Both haiku give off a sense of peace and serenity, and I enjoyed them both. The images created by your words played out nicely in my limited imagination.
Well done, and good luck to you in the contests outcome.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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For some reason, the only contests I feel I'm ever qualified to enter are always blind contests. Once, just once, I wish a contest I felt comfortable enough to write and entertain my readers in wasn't a blind one.
Nice alliteration in your 31 syllable poem, Mike. You also followed the rules (quite a few rules, at that!) to the letter.
Both haiku give off a sense of peace and serenity, and I enjoyed them both. The images created by your words played out nicely in my limited imagination.
Well done, and good luck to you in the contests outcome.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014