Comment from CALLAHANMR

Excellent

Hi Dean:)
This is quite the haunting sonnet with it sadness and Shakespearian feel. I like the rhymes and near rhymes.

The flow and mental imagery is perfect. I especially like the narrator;s sad request:

Should ferryman be anchored far or near --

I'll beg he take me to my Jamsine dear.

I assume this refers to the ferryman who take people across the River Spinx.

Great contest entry. Good luck@

Roger

 Comment Written 08-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 08-Aug-2014

You would be correct in that assessment, Roger, just as the lead picture would indicate. The River Styx, located in myth and legend in the Land of the Dead, will ferry the living across if you pay the Ferryman enough. What he wants as payment once he gets you there is anyone's guess, and it could even be your own soul. Such is the chance that must be taken for those so thusly smitten.

Thanks so much again for an outstanding review, my friend.

Comment from DanielEkine

Excellent

A remarkable chase and first attempt. I really like it. Brilliant saturation of royal artistry. Great job.
"T'was on the morrow, I would soon be wed,

yet fickle fate stepped in to intervene;

vile sickness rendered my sweet Jasmine dead,

and here bereft, I'm sallowed, in between."

 Comment Written 08-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 08-Aug-2014

Thank you very much, Daniel, and I am really glad you liked this. I realize it is a bit darker than most poems of its kind, but you know me, heh-heh-heh...

Thanks again, my friend.

Comment from LoannaLois

Excellent

If I had one, a six would be yours for this sonnet! I have written a few, and they were quite poor excuses. I loved the timing of this which is so important in a sonnet. (oh yes...I'm dyslexic so I noticed the switched letters in the last sentence).
I really admire this first attempt! Bless you, Lois

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

Comment from Caressa_08

Excellent

I felt as if Shakespeare or Edgar Allen Poe were authoring this. The pictures were as always in your poetry, enhancing. Think you have quite the knack to write a book of sonnets similar to this one. Hope to read more of them.

Caressa

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I salute your stretching yourself to write a sonnet. I am no expert, but I enjoyed the way you used the form as the vehicle for your supernatural theme. I admired your rhythmic, alternating rhymes and shift in the final rhymed couplet, plus your use of elevated language and alliteration to intensify the mood. I am only sorry that I do not have a six for this splendid piece. Cheers--create more sonnets--you have the knack! -Joan

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

Comment from Kimberly216

Exceptional

Wow. I have not been on in months due to stress on this end but one thing I just knew to do was read what you have written on here since. This is fantastic. As you know I am not super technical but instead I love a dark piece that clearly and with careful choice of words, conveys the point of the piece in a straight forward way. I love that I get it. I love the way you write. Fantastic.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Great attempt Dean, Nancy indeed is very skilful in her purveying of the sonnet art! Your wording is supreme as usual, and the language style is great period style, the rhyming is good, the tempo /.meter would be helped by reworking the " stressed " syllable. Like, "T'was morrow's dawn" that sort of thing, Nancy's good at that, but otherwise, really good! ( I haven't done one either, but have done similar! Blessings, Roy.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

I don't know if this was a good sonnet, but I know it was a good poem. Great imagery and emotional tone. Very morose and sad. I liked the personification of death as the ferryman. Great job. Congratulations on your first sonnet.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

Comment from JudyS

Excellent

Dean, I read poetry, but don't write it, so I can only really judge on how much I liked it. And I liked this one a lot. Super job. Good luck with it. Judy

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

brilliant! you had me leading this out loud I treated it as a play and what a beautiful play it would make you really want to think about script writing Deano you would be a natural I tellya so many of your tales could be short films that would be great for some producer to latch on to maybe cannes film festival or TROPFEST?
just a thought
I'm clean out of 7's fk the 6's you are definitely wasting your talent on fanstory you have nothing left to prove.
sometimes I wish I lived just up the street from you we could bounce off each other beautifully
Maybe one day i'll get over there in retirement I will put it on my bucket list ok?

as always dipster

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2014

Ha ha, thanks, Dip, you got it, my friend. And for you, my door will always remain open... :}

I am currently working with someone to produce a book of my PictaPoems, and I am using your book that you sent to me as a template and example of how I want it to look. So, wish me luck on that endeavor.

reply by DR DIP on 07-Aug-2014

wow i am humbled and honoured
i feel my writing has moved on since then and there would definitely be things i would do a bit different
make sure with "picto poems" you do the overlaying font in a programme called in design and not in photoshop because it allows the printer to move the text around if necessary. I really feel honoured that i have inspired you do put out a book in my picture poem format.
next year when I'm made redundant I will have a heap more time to do some software courses and use there of such as PHOTO SHOP, IN DESIGN, ILLUSTRATOR and other ADOBE ones that might be relevant with where I am heading in my life
as always dip