Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

The trouble with a lot these site prompts is that they 'telegraph' a certain expectation. And most writers
follow it. 'Darkness' suggests fear, so I'm guessing most entries will be written in a similar vein.

You're entry is a good one, Mikey. But since you make clear Lance is a creep from the begining, I wonder if it might be better to pick up the pace. I know, I always say something like that.

Best of luck at the polls.

Peace, Lee



with our head(s) in the sand

make a woman feel better about themselves.--I think 'herself' is more appropriate than 'themselves'.





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 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

You're right about the pace. I think that is just a matter of style. I don't start out knowing where I'm going so it fumbles around a bit at first. If I can ever get in the habit of editing I can probably improve that. Working on it. I remember you once told me to take out 100 words. I did that and it was funny because when they were gone I couldn't tell you what or where they were! Glad you liked this. I'll fix those errors. Trying to catch up. mikey

reply by humpwhistle on 03-Jul-2014

Mikey, I often start stories without knowing where they're headed, too. But once I find the thread I'm looking for . . . I start over.

Self-editing is a huge favor to your readers, Mikey. And it gives you more room for the good stuff.

My favorite quote about writing is from Kurt Vonnegut. He said, 'Always start your story as close to the end as possible.'

I understand 'wandering' in the beginning. But your readers should never see it.

Don't mean to be tutorial. Just trying to help.

L

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

By all means. Tutorial away! I'm listening and I need it. It does help. I could do that. Get to 500 words and start at the beginning. That should help. Thanks again. mikey

reply by humpwhistle on 03-Jul-2014

There's no set word limit on this. But as soon as you feel a thread you know you can ravel, start over with only that thread in mind. It will get you into the real story much quicker. L

Comment from ProjectBluebook

Exceptional

Dang! Mikey, you missed it. Doodle ... do ... I like your opener with ... like an ostrich we look with our head in the sand while our bright red bottoms invite a swift kick. I see__you bookeneded the prompt starter. What's going on under the covers? hahaha. Too bad slugger, you missed it. Pull up your britches ...LOL! and collect these doubloon. do loco

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

This was fun to write. Sometimes these damn books we're writing are a big pain!!! They seem to go on forever. I needed a break. Glad you liked this. I've got me head in the clouds and seein' stars. MORE ALE!!!! mikey

reply by ProjectBluebook on 03-Jul-2014

keep on truckin'

Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

Well, maybe they were lucky after all, Mikey - this is a great story. I really appreciated that you understood you didn't need to go into the horror of the actual event - just the promise of it is enough.

And yes, there is enough realism in the chilling character you present here to be genuinely scary.

Steve

attune --> attuned

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 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014

What a great review. Thank you so much. Yes, I didn't see the need to write any of the detail. I don't think I'd be very good at that kind of thing anyway. I prefer a story like this myself. So delighted you liked this!! attuned... okay, I changed it back and forth a couple times. I'll fix that. Thanks again. mikey