haiku (shifting moonbeams stream)
Moon Haiku Promt entry90 total reviews
Comment from billscott
I read this and re-read it.
It's simplicity ran deep. Its significance worked its way inward.
Wow...what power you exude with so few words.
I'm in awe!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
I read this and re-read it.
It's simplicity ran deep. Its significance worked its way inward.
Wow...what power you exude with so few words.
I'm in awe!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Bill. It is based on actual experiences, as I frequently sit and reflect in an unattended, ancient cemetery near our home. Some find that a little on the "creepy" side, but I find great serenity and a peacefulness there that I simply can't find anywhere else. I do a lot of my writing there as well, weather permitting, of course.
The best haiku is often drawn from personal experience, I think.
Comment from NurseBarb
Eerie image perfectly described in the awesome entry. Old graveyards are scary and you captured it well in this poem. Good luck in this contest. I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
Eerie image perfectly described in the awesome entry. Old graveyards are scary and you captured it well in this poem. Good luck in this contest. I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging review, NurseBarb. It is holding its own in the voting booths, but it's still very early in the contest.
Time will tell...
Thanks so much again!
Comment from Cajungirl
Perfect syllable and line count. Best of luck in the contest.
You can even create a spooky haiku. LOL
hauntingly beautiful picture suits your poem.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
Perfect syllable and line count. Best of luck in the contest.
You can even create a spooky haiku. LOL
hauntingly beautiful picture suits your poem.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much for your stellar, complimentary review, Cajungirl. I do appreciate it.
I'm holding my own in the voting so far, but it's still rather early. Only time will tell.
Thanks so much again, my friend.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from joneau2
As always, your work borders on perfection and titillates ones senses. You remain a master of the macabre, and I thoroughly enjoy tour work. A good job here.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
As always, your work borders on perfection and titillates ones senses. You remain a master of the macabre, and I thoroughly enjoy tour work. A good job here.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, joneau2. I truly appreciate you complimentary review, my friend.
Comment from Glasstruth
You create an eerie feeling. Love the colors you chose for your background and the picture is just perfect. Also love the alliteration in the third line. Great job! Les
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
You create an eerie feeling. Love the colors you chose for your background and the picture is just perfect. Also love the alliteration in the third line. Great job! Les
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much for the excellent review, Les. Yes, the last line in haiku is probably the most important one of all in that format.
Comment from Winslow
Dear Dean,
Ah moonbeams can indeed create spectral silhouettes between the monuments. In pale reflected light many objects appear eerie.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
Dear Dean,
Ah moonbeams can indeed create spectral silhouettes between the monuments. In pale reflected light many objects appear eerie.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks a million, Winslow!
Comment from DALLAS01
I love this. A perfectly constructed haiku. Nice use of alliteration in first and third lines and a line of insight that plays right into the concrete images. The blue and black adds to the eeriness depicted in poem and art work. Good luck this should really do well.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
I love this. A perfectly constructed haiku. Nice use of alliteration in first and third lines and a line of insight that plays right into the concrete images. The blue and black adds to the eeriness depicted in poem and art work. Good luck this should really do well.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank so much for such a wonderful rating and review, DALLAS. I'm truly glad that you enjoyed this humble haiku offering. I'm still learning the form, but I'm working at it.
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They're a lot of fun. Great job.
Comment from vapros
This is a fine entry, Dean, and as usual, you have the finest artwork of all entries. The picture is right up your alley, as is the reference to silhouetted headstones. Up, up and away, pal.
Bill
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
This is a fine entry, Dean, and as usual, you have the finest artwork of all entries. The picture is right up your alley, as is the reference to silhouetted headstones. Up, up and away, pal.
Bill
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks very much, Bill. I appreciate that, and I'm very glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Leineco
shifting moonbeams stream
twixt crumbling ancient headstones
spectral silhouettes
Excellent haiku structure (2 concrete images and a line of satori)
Clever double allusion in the satori line
Best of luck in the voting :-)
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
shifting moonbeams stream
twixt crumbling ancient headstones
spectral silhouettes
Excellent haiku structure (2 concrete images and a line of satori)
Clever double allusion in the satori line
Best of luck in the voting :-)
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much, Leineco. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your syllable count spot on
yes as the moon streams passed the headstone it form shadows
good alliteration with "S"
cheers..Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
good luck in the contest
your syllable count spot on
yes as the moon streams passed the headstone it form shadows
good alliteration with "S"
cheers..Smoothiecool
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks, SC. I tried to avoid the alliteration as it's usually frowned upon in haiku. But, this one just kind of rolled out of me, almost writing itself save for the satori line. So, I pretty much left it alone.
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yes sometimes that happens so always best left that way
Cheers .SC