Steve's Poems for Kids
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Time for Tea"A collection of my children's poems
32 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
Gosh! I sure wish I could do end rhyme so effortlessly. I love the many roles you take on: detective, knight, outlaw, captain, and then the civilized English lady. Great entry.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Gosh! I sure wish I could do end rhyme so effortlessly. I love the many roles you take on: detective, knight, outlaw, captain, and then the civilized English lady. Great entry.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you - you are right, I never have any problem with rhyme, but I wasn't 100% happy with how this one turned out - needed a bit more fun and spontaneity I think.
Steve
Comment from fairy77
Wow I'm biased cause I'm Scottish.What a good story poem.I'm not sure of the other.Delightful.I liked in Camelot.Nice write here.beth fairy77.Congrats!
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Wow I'm biased cause I'm Scottish.What a good story poem.I'm not sure of the other.Delightful.I liked in Camelot.Nice write here.beth fairy77.Congrats!
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thanks, beth. This was a fun contest and there were some super entries.
Steve
Comment from MumEsGirl
This was brilliant.I love the flights of fancy and the many characters you become through out.
Us Irish love our tea breaks, looks like its is the same all over the world and down through time.
Loved the entire work
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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This was brilliant.I love the flights of fancy and the many characters you become through out.
Us Irish love our tea breaks, looks like its is the same all over the world and down through time.
Loved the entire work
hugs
kate
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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That's funny - the review before yours also awarded six stars and she found a connection because she was Scottish!
I guess it's always time for tea somewhere in the world!
Steve
Comment from adewpearl
strong monorhymes in each quatrain
and a good echo line to end each stanza
A fun poem of let's pretend - great choice of fantasy people to become
nice touches of alliteration
and what a cute ending - time out for tea after spending the day being all these amazing characters :-)
A fun children's monotetra, Steve - good luck in the contest :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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strong monorhymes in each quatrain
and a good echo line to end each stanza
A fun poem of let's pretend - great choice of fantasy people to become
nice touches of alliteration
and what a cute ending - time out for tea after spending the day being all these amazing characters :-)
A fun children's monotetra, Steve - good luck in the contest :-) Brooke
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thanks, brooke. It seems I will need more than good luck - you have stolen a march in the voting already.
Actually I thought this was a cute idea, but I wasn't 100% happy with the execution of it... Didn't quite get the fun element I was searching for and which was so obvious in yours and sally's and Warren's.
Comment from Cornelius2000
What a beautifully done poem, with a nice rhythm and perfect rhyming. I wonder if you would consider one little suggestion. 4th verse, 1st line, I think you could drop the word "the," improve the rhythm without changing the meaning. Just a thought....it's a terrific poem.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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What a beautifully done poem, with a nice rhythm and perfect rhyming. I wonder if you would consider one little suggestion. 4th verse, 1st line, I think you could drop the word "the," improve the rhythm without changing the meaning. Just a thought....it's a terrific poem.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you. I appreciate the kind review and the generous six stars.
Steve
Comment from Quire's Gal
Hi Steve,
"Neath Sherwood's green and pleasant wood
I rob the rich to help the good.
An outlaw who's misunderstood,
I'm Robin Hood, I'm Robin Hood."
"In London street, beneath a tree,
In Camelot or out at sea,
Just look, it's almost half past three.
It's time for tea. It's time for tea."
I hope you enjoyed working with this form as much as I have! Always thought it was good for children due to its repeated rhymes that remind me of the phonics training first grade teachers use.
These two stanzas are my favorites! They have exceptional flow from the 3rd line into the repeated 4-syllable phrases.
After writing a few of these, this appears to be the toughest challenge this form presents. Good luck in the contest and I really hope you try one again soon! With you obvious flair for meter and rhyme, you'll do more than well.
Katherine
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Hi Steve,
"Neath Sherwood's green and pleasant wood
I rob the rich to help the good.
An outlaw who's misunderstood,
I'm Robin Hood, I'm Robin Hood."
"In London street, beneath a tree,
In Camelot or out at sea,
Just look, it's almost half past three.
It's time for tea. It's time for tea."
I hope you enjoyed working with this form as much as I have! Always thought it was good for children due to its repeated rhymes that remind me of the phonics training first grade teachers use.
These two stanzas are my favorites! They have exceptional flow from the 3rd line into the repeated 4-syllable phrases.
After writing a few of these, this appears to be the toughest challenge this form presents. Good luck in the contest and I really hope you try one again soon! With you obvious flair for meter and rhyme, you'll do more than well.
Katherine
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you, Katherine - what a fun contest.
I agree with you about the need to flow into that 4th line - easy to make it sound awkward.
Steve
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is very well written and reads through the verses well I liked the way you brought in the different characters well done good luck regards Jill
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Yes this is very well written and reads through the verses well I liked the way you brought in the different characters well done good luck regards Jill
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the nice review, Jill.
Steve
Comment from terry drake
You entertained with your whimsical iteration and verse. I enjoyed the meter count and the rhyme scheme. You delighted with your repeat phrases.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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You entertained with your whimsical iteration and verse. I enjoyed the meter count and the rhyme scheme. You delighted with your repeat phrases.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the nice review.
Steve
Comment from juliaSjames
Wonderful rhyme and meter as always, Steve.
I enjoyed the role play so reflective of a child's imaginative fun and games and (sigh) of me in my daydreaming moments. LOL
If 'twere me, I would change "Just" in the third line of the final stanza to "But" and place ellipsis instead of a comma after "sea" in the preceding line - all to emphasize the change in focus.
I'm a great fan of the "William" books written by Richmal Crompton. You entry reminded me of the games he played with his "outlaws" that always stopped as soon as their tummies told them it was tea time.
I wish you the very best in the contest. But there are a lot of fine entries so I'm throwing in a pinch of good luck!
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Wonderful rhyme and meter as always, Steve.
I enjoyed the role play so reflective of a child's imaginative fun and games and (sigh) of me in my daydreaming moments. LOL
If 'twere me, I would change "Just" in the third line of the final stanza to "But" and place ellipsis instead of a comma after "sea" in the preceding line - all to emphasize the change in focus.
I'm a great fan of the "William" books written by Richmal Crompton. You entry reminded me of the games he played with his "outlaws" that always stopped as soon as their tummies told them it was tea time.
I wish you the very best in the contest. But there are a lot of fine entries so I'm throwing in a pinch of good luck!
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Julia, your family photo proves that you are nowhere near old enough to remember the William books - a bit of a stretch even for an old greybeard like me! And from the wrong side of the ditch I would have thought...
I needed more than a pinch of luck up against this opposition - Alas my fine idea didn't quite turn out how I wanted it too...
Steve
Comment from Shari_K
I only read one other poem like this and I really like this style. Your poem flows very well with imagination and perfect rhyme and rhythm. I enjoyed reading this! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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I only read one other poem like this and I really like this style. Your poem flows very well with imagination and perfect rhyme and rhythm. I enjoyed reading this! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the nice review.
Steve