The Gift
A foal is born41 total reviews
Comment from livingwords
This is an excellent post and in the past, would not have offered any suggestions. But, I want to be more helpful this year. Please don't take this as criticism.
You do something I'm trying to learn to avoid: unnecessary words. For example, second paragraph: 'or even seemed to take notice' vs. 'or took notice.' Third paragraph: '...all the while nudging'...vs. 'while nudging'.
Best to ya in 2012!!! Dan :))
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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This is an excellent post and in the past, would not have offered any suggestions. But, I want to be more helpful this year. Please don't take this as criticism.
You do something I'm trying to learn to avoid: unnecessary words. For example, second paragraph: 'or even seemed to take notice' vs. 'or took notice.' Third paragraph: '...all the while nudging'...vs. 'while nudging'.
Best to ya in 2012!!! Dan :))
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Hi Dan! Thanks! I will try to get to this...I do appreciate your time too. VERY kind and I appreciate you. I hope you have a great year too! Susan
Comment from Spitfire
I can't tell you how happy I am that the filly lived. I saw every moment of that birth. Loved the shift in POV from the mother to the cat and the moon at the end. Susan, I hope you realize just how good a writer you are!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
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I can't tell you how happy I am that the filly lived. I saw every moment of that birth. Loved the shift in POV from the mother to the cat and the moon at the end. Susan, I hope you realize just how good a writer you are!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
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Oh Shari! I am trying to catch up again! I'm glad you approved of the shift in POV...I always wonder if it works. Your kind enthusiasm is so helpful, you just can't know...thank you for this review my friend...xoxo! Susan
Comment from Writingfundimension
You're off to a great start with this amazing story, R. I love the drama your writing conveys and the happy ending. Your final line was beautifully poetic: 'But after a few minutes of tipsy searching, she finally found sustenance...and Luna smiled as he gave her the will to live - and a coat of sparkling, silver moon glow'. Wow! Only one area that I believe needs a change - a barn cat, black a(s) pitch? Great job, my friend. Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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You're off to a great start with this amazing story, R. I love the drama your writing conveys and the happy ending. Your final line was beautifully poetic: 'But after a few minutes of tipsy searching, she finally found sustenance...and Luna smiled as he gave her the will to live - and a coat of sparkling, silver moon glow'. Wow! Only one area that I believe needs a change - a barn cat, black a(s) pitch? Great job, my friend. Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Hi Bev! Thank you so much! I did fix the typo too. Hugs for a great review young lady! Luv, Suse
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You're most welcome, Susan. I'm going to make a better effort to support excellent writers like yourself this year. Blessings, Bev
Comment from peggles
A interesting informative story
and written extremely well
You displayed the story your knowledge and passion for horses is clear
I am glad it all turned out well and the foal was fine
I enjoyed reading your story
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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A interesting informative story
and written extremely well
You displayed the story your knowledge and passion for horses is clear
I am glad it all turned out well and the foal was fine
I enjoyed reading your story
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Hi again Peg...i have had horses for over 30 years..now, at my age, I do wish I had all the money spent to keep them. I am the fiddling grasshopper, and now it's winter time. lol... Thank you so much! :) Susan
Comment from michaelrandolph
Very description story, which really makes it a pleasure to read. captivates me from line one. The cat reminds me of mine. I have started looking for your work through the sight as you are becoming one of my favorite writers here. Excellent job once again.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Very description story, which really makes it a pleasure to read. captivates me from line one. The cat reminds me of mine. I have started looking for your work through the sight as you are becoming one of my favorite writers here. Excellent job once again.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Hi there! Thank you Michael! Thank you, and I appreciate this great review. So glad to hear from you. Welcome to FS!! ") Susan
Comment from Showboat
Hi Realist,
As a former TB breeder, I held my breath through this one - they don't always turn out so well, and I couldn't help remembering an occasion or two of my own that didn't.
All is well, the filly rises and suckles, the cat gets a treat and all is well with the world.
Thank you and Happy New Year,
Gayle
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Hi Realist,
As a former TB breeder, I held my breath through this one - they don't always turn out so well, and I couldn't help remembering an occasion or two of my own that didn't.
All is well, the filly rises and suckles, the cat gets a treat and all is well with the world.
Thank you and Happy New Year,
Gayle
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Hi Gayle! Wow, thank you. It's great to hear from a fellow horse owner. SUCH stress at times...I have three quarter horses. And am thinking of selling them. But, I don't know. Things are so expensive now. I'm really happy you read this! Susan
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good little story and written well. You displayed the story well and shared your knowledge and passion for horses though out the story. I enjoyed reading your story.Mary
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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A good little story and written well. You displayed the story well and shared your knowledge and passion for horses though out the story. I enjoyed reading your story.Mary
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Hi there!! Thank you, and it's a real pleasure when you enjoy my work...I am very grateful. Please keep safe and warm!! Susan
Comment from BarnCat
Sue -- this was wonderful! Excellent description, with a sense of urgency for the foal to stand. Loved the observation of nature here, with an unflinching look at the cat (black AS -- you have at -- pitch), the mare and foal as each pursues survival. Well done. D
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2012
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Sue -- this was wonderful! Excellent description, with a sense of urgency for the foal to stand. Loved the observation of nature here, with an unflinching look at the cat (black AS -- you have at -- pitch), the mare and foal as each pursues survival. Well done. D
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2012
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Hi Debbie! Thank you! SO glad you read this! I was thinking of Bolo as I added the kitty. HOPE he is okay, and you too...thank you again! Sorry for this late reply... :) xoxo, Susan
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I was yelling at my computer stand, little filly, stand! I am sure the encouragement helped. LOL
You did an excellent job describing the birth. I felt as if I was in the stall watching.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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I was yelling at my computer stand, little filly, stand! I am sure the encouragement helped. LOL
You did an excellent job describing the birth. I felt as if I was in the stall watching.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2012
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Hi Barbara! I'm so sorry for this late reply...God love you...I had to let her live...that photo of her is just so precious...and the color she is is very rare too. Perlino. i think that may be spelled wrong. But, I'm thrilled you liked this. AND for the sixer too! Wow!! HUG! Susan
Comment from JW
This is a very well written scene. And it was very realistic. In reading it I could not help but smile, as memories a time during my teens when I watch my beloved mare give life birth.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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This is a very well written scene. And it was very realistic. In reading it I could not help but smile, as memories a time during my teens when I watch my beloved mare give life birth.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Hi there!! Thank you, and it's a real pleasure when you enjoy my work...I am very grateful. Please keep safe and warm!! Susan