In Dreams
Waiting for a better day...27 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
I think the third line in your tanka works well as a pivot line, Susan, so that it can either end the first grouping of three lines or start a new grouping of three lines. Well done. Your shift in mood is quite effective through your use of the pivot line and through your excellent descriptive detail. Brooke
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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I think the third line in your tanka works well as a pivot line, Susan, so that it can either end the first grouping of three lines or start a new grouping of three lines. Well done. Your shift in mood is quite effective through your use of the pivot line and through your excellent descriptive detail. Brooke
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi Brooke! Thank you! I was awaiting your verdict! ") I love trying these, and read Alvin's notes, which helped me. So many different little rules to remember, along with those pesky apostraphes and commas...ON to the wonderous animal poems! ") Luv, Susan
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Hi are you in a morbid mood,This is not your usual bubbly self, But as usual its well written and of course its fine. Sorry I can't comment on the technical side of the poem.I don't know them. But it reads fine to me Thanks for sharing with me .
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi are you in a morbid mood,This is not your usual bubbly self, But as usual its well written and of course its fine. Sorry I can't comment on the technical side of the poem.I don't know them. But it reads fine to me Thanks for sharing with me .
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi Mary! So sorry. It's Halloween soon, and I really like the creepy stuff! I hope you will still read my stuff, but if not, I will understand, it's not for everyone! I do love hearing from you...Smiles and a hug for you. Susan
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Of course I will read your stuff as you call it. lol Lots of hugs back .Mary
Comment from BethShelby
I don't much about writing Tanka poems. I like this poem. Words like "spectral shadows shifting among the gravestones" creates an eerie image to the mind but you've picked a great picture to go with it. I love the way it ends. It seems to me the shift comes in the third line rather than the last two. Still I like it like it is.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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I don't much about writing Tanka poems. I like this poem. Words like "spectral shadows shifting among the gravestones" creates an eerie image to the mind but you've picked a great picture to go with it. I love the way it ends. It seems to me the shift comes in the third line rather than the last two. Still I like it like it is.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi Beth! Thanks so much! I think we are supposed to "shift" it in the third line? AlvinTEthington made comments to this effect in notes? At least that was how I understood it? I don't know. I tried! I was thinking of those in purgatory, who finally find the way out into the light? I am not sure of how that would work in reality. But fun try. Thanks for this great review! Love, Susan
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Susan:)
What a great Tanka Poem for the Halloween season. I love the idea of spectral shadows envisioned at night in a graveyard.
Could there be a creepier place at night/
then your poem meets the light morning and all seems well again. your selection of artwork enhances the entire effect. You should have saved this poem for a Halloween contest.
Roger
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi Susan:)
What a great Tanka Poem for the Halloween season. I love the idea of spectral shadows envisioned at night in a graveyard.
Could there be a creepier place at night/
then your poem meets the light morning and all seems well again. your selection of artwork enhances the entire effect. You should have saved this poem for a Halloween contest.
Roger
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi Roger! You are up early! ") Thank you for this great review! I have another one for the Halloween, it's in need of work tho. And the MOST fun, the Horror stories! ") I love them the best! For some odd reason, I enjoy being creeped out! Except by spiders of course! ") Thank you again, it's good to hear from you, always! Susan
Comment from gspeak
I think this poem says such in so few words. How many of us have not felt that with the dawning of a new day everything is fresh and new? It synopsizes our lives really--get up in the morning and its all new different and ready for us to start anew!!
I love your sentiment in this and the picture depicts everything you conveyed in your poem. I love it, keep writing.
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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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I think this poem says such in so few words. How many of us have not felt that with the dawning of a new day everything is fresh and new? It synopsizes our lives really--get up in the morning and its all new different and ready for us to start anew!!
I love your sentiment in this and the picture depicts everything you conveyed in your poem. I love it, keep writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi Geneva! Thank you! I wasn't sure about this. They say Tanka has to be sort of two poems in one? So, I don't know. How odd. But thanks for this great review! I always hope for a better day. But so far, well. Ha. I sure am glad you liked this, and took a minute to let me know my friend! ") Susan
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You are so totally welcome. It has truly been my pleasure!
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") Susan
Comment from misscookie
Mm this is a perfect poem and artwork for Halloween
I love how it flows and the message it bring. I'm glad I read this fully awake. Because thought it's mild it still got to me.
This is a good write.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Mm this is a perfect poem and artwork for Halloween
I love how it flows and the message it bring. I'm glad I read this fully awake. Because thought it's mild it still got to me.
This is a good write.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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hi there Cookie! Thanks! I hope you like my real Halloween one? It's sort of gross, rather than spooky! I love scary stuff, but if you don't I will understand if you don't want to read it! Honest! ") Love, Susan
Comment from rudywalsh
Nice one Susan, everything looks in order to me with your Tanka poem, very well thought-out with a very good message entailed, very clever.
The wording is spot on and is complimented by your chosen image.
Very creative, a poem I like alot.
Maybe I should attempt one of these tanka poems, you might have inspired an old poet to change his ways LOL.
Best wishes to you in a contest i'm sure you will do well in...Rudy
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Nice one Susan, everything looks in order to me with your Tanka poem, very well thought-out with a very good message entailed, very clever.
The wording is spot on and is complimented by your chosen image.
Very creative, a poem I like alot.
Maybe I should attempt one of these tanka poems, you might have inspired an old poet to change his ways LOL.
Best wishes to you in a contest i'm sure you will do well in...Rudy
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Oh Rudy! My first review for this and a six too! Wow. Thank you my friend. I think you should try these, it's fun to learn these different things. I promise to read it if you will write one! ") Thank you for this, I really appreciate it!! a hug for you! Susan
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Well you deserve it Susan, you work hard and always have something worth while to read, enjoy and have a wonderful weekend...Rudy