Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Chapter 7; part one"Can love survive small town gossip?
73 total reviews
Comment from hyway94
Really great news. I hope everything is okay. Make sure you let us know. As for the story I just don't know what to say. Me trying to tell you that something is wrong, is like you telling Nora Roberts that some is wrong. Great chapter as all ways and the flow is like being there. Take care.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Really great news. I hope everything is okay. Make sure you let us know. As for the story I just don't know what to say. Me trying to tell you that something is wrong, is like you telling Nora Roberts that some is wrong. Great chapter as all ways and the flow is like being there. Take care.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. Don't sell yourself short.
Comment from patmedium
MARVELLOUS NEWS in your notes. Wonderful, Barbara.
This tale is right up to your normal standard, dear. Cleanly written with excellent visuals and strong emotional transfer. Pat. xxx
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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MARVELLOUS NEWS in your notes. Wonderful, Barbara.
This tale is right up to your normal standard, dear. Cleanly written with excellent visuals and strong emotional transfer. Pat. xxx
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
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xxxxxx
Comment from janeae
Well Barbara, you've already gotten accolades from FS so you know that your chapter is good. Since I've read some of them, I want you to know what I feel. It's got to be tough to tell one chapter at a time and still have enough information in each to grab a new reader. you've done that! You are so good. Thank you for writing. jane
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Well Barbara, you've already gotten accolades from FS so you know that your chapter is good. Since I've read some of them, I want you to know what I feel. It's got to be tough to tell one chapter at a time and still have enough information in each to grab a new reader. you've done that! You are so good. Thank you for writing. jane
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thank you for you kind review.
Comment from Helen Tan
A well paced chapter with believable events and dialogue. I enjoyed this. I guess it's always dangerous to be involved with a secret agent.
My gut says we could be dealing with an Internet predator
This is one of the greatest fear in this cyber age. I always have to remind my daughter about the dangers. I think it's smart of you to bring in this aspect as many will identify with this fear. It makes your writing contemporary and real.
Someone had to have seen Cassie.
I think for internal dialogue, "Someone must have seen Cassie." might read more natural.
I need some questions answered about where Cassie might be."
Just a thought, maybe delete "questions" - I need some answers about where....
In case this ever happens again, no fifteen year old male writes really sweet poems.
I love this line, humourous and so true. I must tell this to my daughter.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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A well paced chapter with believable events and dialogue. I enjoyed this. I guess it's always dangerous to be involved with a secret agent.
My gut says we could be dealing with an Internet predator
This is one of the greatest fear in this cyber age. I always have to remind my daughter about the dangers. I think it's smart of you to bring in this aspect as many will identify with this fear. It makes your writing contemporary and real.
Someone had to have seen Cassie.
I think for internal dialogue, "Someone must have seen Cassie." might read more natural.
I need some questions answered about where Cassie might be."
Just a thought, maybe delete "questions" - I need some answers about where....
In case this ever happens again, no fifteen year old male writes really sweet poems.
I love this line, humourous and so true. I must tell this to my daughter.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I made the corrections. I hope all is well in your life. You and your family have been in my prayers.
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Thanks for letting me know you made all the edits.
hugs, rd
First review (FOUR stars)
Great news about your recovery and progress! YAY! Sending more healing prayers in your direction, dear B.
Nice chapter. Good flow, good JOE POV and dialog. Good development
Some nits-
*He glanced at his watch and grimaced,(no ,) before he kissed her forehead.
Best not to overuse pronouns in same sentence. Consider-
He glanced at his watch and grimaced before kissing her forehead.
*"I love you, we'll find Cassie." ----consider using period or semicolon.
"I love you. We'll find Cassie."
*"His eyes were a lot darker than your brown eyes and dark brown hair, almost black." ---Grammar awkward here. Maybe try-
"His eyes were a lot darker than your brown eyes. He had dark brown hair, almost black."
*This is really good. ---After liking the drink, this next action seems odd!-
He threw the drink in a trashcan and shielded his eyes
*"Yes. She left here about 4:45, maybe closer to five." ----Spell the time in alphabets not numerals--four forty-five
*She hesitated,(no,) before she asked, "Cassie's all right, isn't she?"
*"Of course, who do you think bought the beer?
Suggestion-
"Of course. Who do you think bought the beer?
or
"Of course; who do you think bought the beer?
You have a good balance of narrative and dialog in this chapter. the pacing is good and makes for an easy, smooth read.
The scenes unfold vividly in the mind's eye and good build up of tension in the plot.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Second review
Thanks for letting me know you made all the edits.
hugs, rd
First review (FOUR stars)
Great news about your recovery and progress! YAY! Sending more healing prayers in your direction, dear B.
Nice chapter. Good flow, good JOE POV and dialog. Good development
Some nits-
*He glanced at his watch and grimaced,(no ,) before he kissed her forehead.
Best not to overuse pronouns in same sentence. Consider-
He glanced at his watch and grimaced before kissing her forehead.
*"I love you, we'll find Cassie." ----consider using period or semicolon.
"I love you. We'll find Cassie."
*"His eyes were a lot darker than your brown eyes and dark brown hair, almost black." ---Grammar awkward here. Maybe try-
"His eyes were a lot darker than your brown eyes. He had dark brown hair, almost black."
*This is really good. ---After liking the drink, this next action seems odd!-
He threw the drink in a trashcan and shielded his eyes
*"Yes. She left here about 4:45, maybe closer to five." ----Spell the time in alphabets not numerals--four forty-five
*She hesitated,(no,) before she asked, "Cassie's all right, isn't she?"
*"Of course, who do you think bought the beer?
Suggestion-
"Of course. Who do you think bought the beer?
or
"Of course; who do you think bought the beer?
You have a good balance of narrative and dialog in this chapter. the pacing is good and makes for an easy, smooth read.
The scenes unfold vividly in the mind's eye and good build up of tension in the plot.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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I have made the corrects. Thank you for catching them.
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Sure thing, dear. Glad your health is getting better!
Comment from Readywriter52
Cassie has disappeared and Joe is following up on leads. He hasn't found her, but he did rescue another girl. It sound like Cassie is in serious trouble.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Cassie has disappeared and Joe is following up on leads. He hasn't found her, but he did rescue another girl. It sound like Cassie is in serious trouble.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from L.lora
Excellent, very realistic.
The flow is smooth and the
dialogues are spot on. You
kept the tension high, the
suspense of not knowing is
a real nail biter, looking
forward to your next post.
no nits or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Excellent, very realistic.
The flow is smooth and the
dialogues are spot on. You
kept the tension high, the
suspense of not knowing is
a real nail biter, looking
forward to your next post.
no nits or spags. Lora
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Nicnac
Uh oh. I thought Marcus had something to do with Cassie's disappearance too. Now it's even MORE scary!
I look forward to seeing Dani and Matt. :)
Suggestion:
Now (that) I think about it, there was a man here earlier
Barbara,
I'm SO pleased that your uterine biopsy shows no sign of cancer! Wonderful news. That is such a blessing! I hope all went well at the doctor today. You've have so many praying for you, my friend. I'm sure those strapping men at your home are keeping you in line and you aren't over-doing it. ;) Listen to them! LOL
Love,
Nic
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Uh oh. I thought Marcus had something to do with Cassie's disappearance too. Now it's even MORE scary!
I look forward to seeing Dani and Matt. :)
Suggestion:
Now (that) I think about it, there was a man here earlier
Barbara,
I'm SO pleased that your uterine biopsy shows no sign of cancer! Wonderful news. That is such a blessing! I hope all went well at the doctor today. You've have so many praying for you, my friend. I'm sure those strapping men at your home are keeping you in line and you aren't over-doing it. ;) Listen to them! LOL
Love,
Nic
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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It's always good to hear from you. I apprecite your kind review. The strapping men I am living with are driving me crazy. I know Galderon would be much more understanding. Tonight Steven has a football game. It's an important game and his senior year. It's the number one conference team going against the number two team. They have told me I have to stay home and listen to it on the radio. I am trying to figure out a way to get to the game. It's an away game. I'm not supposed to drive with this stupid drainage tube hanging under my arm. I get it out Tuesday. Oh yea, yesterday's doctors report was good. The biopsy showed no more cancer!!!! I still want to watch Steven play.
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That is FABULOUS news, Barbara!!!! I'm thrilled. So happy the biopsy showed no more cancer.
Now, don't make me send Galeron out to strong-arm you back into the bed! Oh, wait... maybe that is exactly what you want... Hmm. You are one clever woman. Hee hee.
I wish you could go to Steven's game -- but if you were there you would probably distract him. He'd be worried about you. Get a bag of chips, some dip, something sweet and a drink and turn the radio on. You'll have a great time. :) Go Team!!
XXXOOO
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All my boys played football and, I know this sounds stupid, but I fear they will get hurt if I am not there to watch them. How dumb is that????
Anyway, send Galderon on!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Galeron is on his way, and is bringing yummy vittles with him... Keep me informed on the gameplay. hehe
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It's today at 7:30. I only have 10 hours to figure out my next escape.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi barbara,
First, I am so glad your recent biopsy was okay...you can breathe a sigh of relief. One hurdle down and one to go. I hope the tissue from you breast will be negative, as well. This is a great chapter and I feel fear for Cassie. I hope that some internet predator didn't capture her. I was glad to see you had posted another chapter and now I can hardly wait for the next one that will hopefully tell us what happened to Cassie. This is a great story that always leaves me wanting more. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Hi barbara,
First, I am so glad your recent biopsy was okay...you can breathe a sigh of relief. One hurdle down and one to go. I hope the tissue from you breast will be negative, as well. This is a great chapter and I feel fear for Cassie. I hope that some internet predator didn't capture her. I was glad to see you had posted another chapter and now I can hardly wait for the next one that will hopefully tell us what happened to Cassie. This is a great story that always leaves me wanting more. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I just heard a few hours ago, the breast biopsy was good. YEA!!!!!!!
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Yes!!!! I knew it would be, prayers work...chey
Comment from misscookie
First let me say Praise The Lord. No one can't tell me prayers don't work. I'm very happy for you. My best with your next report.
You had my attention from the first sentence to the last sentence. this is something that is happing to many time with boys also.
this is a good write.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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First let me say Praise The Lord. No one can't tell me prayers don't work. I'm very happy for you. My best with your next report.
You had my attention from the first sentence to the last sentence. this is something that is happing to many time with boys also.
this is a good write.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Thank you for your prayers. I returned from my one week check a little while ago and the biopsy showed no additional cancer. Now just the chemo and radiation to make sure it doesn't return.
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All i can say is Thank you Jesus, and you go gal.