Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Chapter 3 Part One"Can love survive small town gossip?
74 total reviews
Comment from L.lora
This chapter was simply
delightful. Liked your
well thought out easy
flowing additioin with
its ample descriptions
and great dialogue. The
banter between Joe and
Sara was a perfect blend
that made this a most enjoyable
read. no nits or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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This chapter was simply
delightful. Liked your
well thought out easy
flowing additioin with
its ample descriptions
and great dialogue. The
banter between Joe and
Sara was a perfect blend
that made this a most enjoyable
read. no nits or spags. Lora
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Hank Foresta
It's tough at places knowing who is speaking. You need to make sure the reader knows who is talking and who is talking to him/herself.
The flow of the story moves ok, but there are times that one wonders who is who and who is talking. Fix this and it does not read that badly.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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It's tough at places knowing who is speaking. You need to make sure the reader knows who is talking and who is talking to him/herself.
The flow of the story moves ok, but there are times that one wonders who is who and who is talking. Fix this and it does not read that badly.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2010
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To say I am surprised by your review would be an understatement. I do want to thank you for the time it took to read my post.
Comment from SWANNY
Good chapter. Well written, structurally and technically sound.
Just a couple of really minor things:
"Nope, just my fourteen year old daughter." (fourteen-year-old daughter)
The following two paragraphs both end with 'crying again'. Maybe you could vary one a bit. Perhaps leave the first one simply at "We better leave or I might start crying."
Boy, do I have him fooled. She released a deep breath. "We better leave or I might start crying again."
He held the door for her. "Let's go. I've promised myself I'm not going to make you cry again."
Other than that, it seemed quite good.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Good chapter. Well written, structurally and technically sound.
Just a couple of really minor things:
"Nope, just my fourteen year old daughter." (fourteen-year-old daughter)
The following two paragraphs both end with 'crying again'. Maybe you could vary one a bit. Perhaps leave the first one simply at "We better leave or I might start crying."
Boy, do I have him fooled. She released a deep breath. "We better leave or I might start crying again."
He held the door for her. "Let's go. I've promised myself I'm not going to make you cry again."
Other than that, it seemed quite good.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Thank you for catching those. I will make those corrections.
Comment from patmedium
That was enough to make ME sweat, sitting here on my chair! Looking forward to the reunion 'do'. Didn't you say at the beginning that his brother is dead? I wonder if he's the father?
Pat. xx
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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That was enough to make ME sweat, sitting here on my chair! Looking forward to the reunion 'do'. Didn't you say at the beginning that his brother is dead? I wonder if he's the father?
Pat. xx
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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HUmm, interesting idea. I can promise you by the end of the novel we will all know who the father is. There will be a few hints during the reunion. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from irishauthorme
I read from the beginning, all the way to here. You have an exceptional talent. Your characters are real, the environment comes through as clear as a picture, and you have set everything in a great situation that makes me want to come back to see what happens. Joe fits his role perfectly, size, shape, and determination.
This is a great story.
irish
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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I read from the beginning, all the way to here. You have an exceptional talent. Your characters are real, the environment comes through as clear as a picture, and you have set everything in a great situation that makes me want to come back to see what happens. Joe fits his role perfectly, size, shape, and determination.
This is a great story.
irish
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appeciate you stopping by.
Comment from jadapenn
Ooh la la. This is going so well with underlying tension and good dialogue. You create vivid visuals of these two. Now how is Joe going to get in his car and leave or how is he going to get Sara to go with him. I really like this story. Well done. luv jada
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Ooh la la. This is going so well with underlying tension and good dialogue. You create vivid visuals of these two. Now how is Joe going to get in his car and leave or how is he going to get Sara to go with him. I really like this story. Well done. luv jada
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continuous support. I always appreciate hearing from you.
Comment from patwannabe
Hi, Barbara, I'm still with you. I was gone for a time, but I'm back, hopefully to stay.
I did catch up on your story. Sounds like the typical small town. I like your characters. Joe is especially yummy and a brig general to boot. How lucky can she be. I'm pulling for them both and hope all goes well at the reunion but I'm sure someone will have a snide remark or two.
Keep writing, pat
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Hi, Barbara, I'm still with you. I was gone for a time, but I'm back, hopefully to stay.
I did catch up on your story. Sounds like the typical small town. I like your characters. Joe is especially yummy and a brig general to boot. How lucky can she be. I'm pulling for them both and hope all goes well at the reunion but I'm sure someone will have a snide remark or two.
Keep writing, pat
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Snide remarks will fly. Thank you for your kind review and I am happy you are back.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Your writing shows the tension that is always lurking around the beginning of a romance.
It is obvious that Joe and Sara are developing strong feelings for each other.
I look forward to finding out what happens at teh reunion - should be fun, and possibly more.
Juliette
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Your writing shows the tension that is always lurking around the beginning of a romance.
It is obvious that Joe and Sara are developing strong feelings for each other.
I look forward to finding out what happens at teh reunion - should be fun, and possibly more.
Juliette
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from misscookie
This story continues to touch my heart
I love the artwork it if perfect for this chapter
I love the movement of the story. This is a good write.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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This story continues to touch my heart
I love the artwork it if perfect for this chapter
I love the movement of the story. This is a good write.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jmyron
Interesting indeed. this is the second installment that I have read in this little Chick Book. Has potential to be a good Chick Flick, which, in spite of being a male, I do occasionally enjoy.
John
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Interesting indeed. this is the second installment that I have read in this little Chick Book. Has potential to be a good Chick Flick, which, in spite of being a male, I do occasionally enjoy.
John
Comment Written 15-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2010
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Very soon there will be some action, so I hope I can keep your attention. Thank you for your kind review.