haiku (infant rosebud mouth)
13 syllable or less 2 line hakiu26 total reviews
Comment from bjt6
What a great entry for the competition. You create very concrete imagery with your first line and complete the thought beautifully with the second line, making a wonderful, complete image of a sleeping infant. Beautiful.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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What a great entry for the competition. You create very concrete imagery with your first line and complete the thought beautifully with the second line, making a wonderful, complete image of a sleeping infant. Beautiful.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for this positive and kind review. Babies are so cute ....
Comment from fortydeuce
This is well-described but IMO feels a little expected from the imagery. You've got two syllables to spare, and IMO an unusual adjective would make it a bit stronger, because as it is it feels like the obvious image from the first line of the poem.
More a matter of preference/taste than anything else though, so feel free to disregard!
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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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This is well-described but IMO feels a little expected from the imagery. You've got two syllables to spare, and IMO an unusual adjective would make it a bit stronger, because as it is it feels like the obvious image from the first line of the poem.
More a matter of preference/taste than anything else though, so feel free to disregard!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for this review. Babies are so cute ....
Comment from marion
Hi skye
This one is just so easy for me to visualize. It's quite beautiful, and it has the strength of a good haiku. I am always amazed at how two lines can say so much and I am a real fan of haiku, hence lots of books in the bookshelf! I enjoyed, good luck in the contest. Marion.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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Hi skye
This one is just so easy for me to visualize. It's quite beautiful, and it has the strength of a good haiku. I am always amazed at how two lines can say so much and I am a real fan of haiku, hence lots of books in the bookshelf! I enjoyed, good luck in the contest. Marion.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for this positive and kind review. Babies are so cute ....
Comment from pixiemillie
And what's not to love about those beautiful, little bee-stung lips as they dream wonderful dreams of the sweet milk and comfort of Mother. Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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And what's not to love about those beautiful, little bee-stung lips as they dream wonderful dreams of the sweet milk and comfort of Mother. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for this positive and kind review. Babies are so cute ....
Comment from Donovan
Wow, how dynamite is this. I am not sure whether to be in awe of the babe or let my mind wander. I think this really meets the requirements...for both.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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Wow, how dynamite is this. I am not sure whether to be in awe of the babe or let my mind wander. I think this really meets the requirements...for both.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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Wander away....
your imagination is so detailed and filled with exquisite images that it is a joy to wander with you.
Comment from mmichelle97219
Eyes closed
lips puckered
sweetness sleeps
You've done well with your two lines. Nothing to complain about. Good luck in the voting booth
Michelle
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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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Eyes closed
lips puckered
sweetness sleeps
You've done well with your two lines. Nothing to complain about. Good luck in the voting booth
Michelle
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2009
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Thank you so much for this positive and kind review. Babies are so cute ....