haiku (inside the cabin)
after the death of his wife32 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
Only 12 words, but what power they convey of utter sadness and loss. As always, your haiku is magic, Al.
Smiles,
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Only 12 words, but what power they convey of utter sadness and loss. As always, your haiku is magic, Al.
Smiles,
Indy :>)
Comment Written 05-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Thank you for your very kind review. You "caught" exactly what I was going for.
Comment from AK
Dear Al,
Again your talent with these forms shines through. I find this touching and true.
Rather amazing what you can say in a few words and immediately sketch a strong scene carried by a wave of sadness.
Best regards,
Ami
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Dear Al,
Again your talent with these forms shines through. I find this touching and true.
Rather amazing what you can say in a few words and immediately sketch a strong scene carried by a wave of sadness.
Best regards,
Ami
Comment Written 04-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Thank. This is going for publication in Japan, where the judges are very harsh, so I am nervous. You have reassured me.
Comment from Pen&Ink
Alvin,
Seventeen beats that say so much. Very powerful and moving.
You mentioned in your intro that Haiku allows us to focus on what's important, to ignore the superfluous. I would add that the rules also force us toward these ends.
Good luck in your publishing endeavors.
Always
Ray
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Alvin,
Seventeen beats that say so much. Very powerful and moving.
You mentioned in your intro that Haiku allows us to focus on what's important, to ignore the superfluous. I would add that the rules also force us toward these ends.
Good luck in your publishing endeavors.
Always
Ray
Comment Written 04-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Pili Pubul
Excellent senryu, it is not an haiku, haiku just deal with nature. Senryu is about man or animal. In just a few words the sadness of loss is strongly felt. The picture is a great choice .
inside the cabin
her ghost brushes auburn hair
outdoors grief is less
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Excellent senryu, it is not an haiku, haiku just deal with nature. Senryu is about man or animal. In just a few words the sadness of loss is strongly felt. The picture is a great choice .
inside the cabin
her ghost brushes auburn hair
outdoors grief is less
Comment Written 04-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Haiku do not necessarily deal with nature. See my article "Haiku are not about counting syllables" and Jane Reichhold's work. Thank you for a great review.
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I knew about the syllable count , but I thank you so much for the information ! Pili
Comment from Julie G
Very beautiful but sad mental image created with this lovely work.
As always, I appreciate your insight and careful choice of words to create perfection.
Julie G
PS I will miss our trading thoughts about poetry. I have learned much from you. Thanks, Al and good luck to you.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Very beautiful but sad mental image created with this lovely work.
As always, I appreciate your insight and careful choice of words to create perfection.
Julie G
PS I will miss our trading thoughts about poetry. I have learned much from you. Thanks, Al and good luck to you.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Thanks for a great review. Where are you going?
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I said when posting my last poem this past week, I am near the end of my paid time here and have decided not to rejoin for a while. Probably won't be back until next year.
Julie G
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I shall miss you.
Comment from TrueBeliever
Hello Alvin and happy new year, Great job done on this heart felt write. Touching and so much truth. Many blessings, Ondra
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Hello Alvin and happy new year, Great job done on this heart felt write. Touching and so much truth. Many blessings, Ondra
Comment Written 04-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Thank you. I rather like this one myself.
Comment from cofusioussays
cofusioussays this is truly master at work he haiga write with stroke of pen he say beautiful thing of wife she dies ,but memories he to heavy to carry inside cabin
cofusioussays you are brilliant man with magic in his words
he salute brilliant man with magic in his words
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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cofusioussays this is truly master at work he haiga write with stroke of pen he say beautiful thing of wife she dies ,but memories he to heavy to carry inside cabin
cofusioussays you are brilliant man with magic in his words
he salute brilliant man with magic in his words
Comment Written 04-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Your review is far too kind. Thank you so much. I am submitting this for publication in Japan, where they are very strict about such works, and you have given me confidence.
Comment from babylonia
picture goes well with the poem. easy to read and follow. no spag do i see. imagery is excellent. i feel the pain of a loss. definitely a good piece. keep up the good work~
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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picture goes well with the poem. easy to read and follow. no spag do i see. imagery is excellent. i feel the pain of a loss. definitely a good piece. keep up the good work~
Comment Written 04-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Thank you for your kind review.
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you are very welcome~
babylonia
Comment from Rx kingpen
Yeah, this could be a haiga, but works for me as a hiaku too. You are good at this. I've read many a haiku and senryu and the clarity of your words shine through. It doesn't feel like a struggle. Just potent. I'm not an expert though. Just my feelings. Is there a reason you didn't cap, the i? It could be intentional. I liked this one alot. To escape the memories and reminders he tries holding onto his spirit. Cool. TJ
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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Yeah, this could be a haiga, but works for me as a hiaku too. You are good at this. I've read many a haiku and senryu and the clarity of your words shine through. It doesn't feel like a struggle. Just potent. I'm not an expert though. Just my feelings. Is there a reason you didn't cap, the i? It could be intentional. I liked this one alot. To escape the memories and reminders he tries holding onto his spirit. Cool. TJ
Comment Written 04-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
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yes, haiku don't admit of capitalization unless absolutely necessary as I understand it. Thanks for the great review. My question if I make it a haiga is where to fit the poem in the picture.
Comment from Russel Chale
An excellent haiku, Alvin. The picture, of course, does add to the atmosphere created by your fine words. However, the picture would be quiet and unassuming without the story in your brief account.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2008
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An excellent haiku, Alvin. The picture, of course, does add to the atmosphere created by your fine words. However, the picture would be quiet and unassuming without the story in your brief account.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2008
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That's interesting. Could you say more? The picture has a vodka bottle, a cigarette, a man hiding his face--how do you see that as quiet and unassuming? This is very important to me, as I plan on trying to publish this in Japan. Thanks so much.
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It's a small photograph - I thought he had a cigarette, but did not discern the vodka. It could have been anyone out for a quiet smoke, if not for the power of your words.
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I'll enlarge the photograph before I sent it to my Japanese publisher. Your help has been invaluable.