Comment from Sallyo

Excellent

A couple of nits... one IS a nit and the other is probably just a suggestion.
it's source?"
its source?"

What do you know about a new painkiller that's been discovered called Glyptophan?
MAYBE SHOULD BE What do you know about a new painkiller that's been discovered? It's called Glyptophan.
OR
What do you know about a new painkiller called Glyptophan that's been discovered?

Now that's out of the way... starting out well. It caught and held my attention and the first person narration let you release info without info-dumping.

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 Comment Written 05-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024

Hi, Sally. Nice catch with the it's/its. The other one I think I will leave in since it's dialogue, and people don't always speak perfectly grammatically.

That's a great comment about info-dumping. That's one of the reasons I like to write my stories in first person--because you can interject personal thoughts among the narrative parts, and it doesn't seem so much like you're info-dumping.

It can be a challenge not to info-dump when you've got background information you have to get out there to develop context. But it doesn't have to all be done at once, and it's often more interesting for at least part of the information to get out there through dialogue. There will be examples of that in my next chapter.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing Chapter 1.